A Change of Heart

Chapter Eight

JAMES EYED THE MENU AT PARADISO. HE DIDN’T TAKE Marian out to eat often, but a Saturday night in town, eating some fine Italian food, was just what he and Marian needed. Leah had insisted on cooking the meals all day on Friday, and he’d suffered through breakfast and lunch today. At Paradiso the food was always good.

“What’s the occasion?” Marian grinned as she spread her napkin on her lap and picked up her menu.

“I reckon you know exactly what the occasion is.”

“Yet you left Edna, Mary Carol, and Kathleen to fend for themselves, no?”

James decided on lasagna and closed his menu. “Kathleen made a batch of corn chowder while Leah was helping Mary Carol in the garden. She stashed it in the back of the refrigerator, in case Leah’s meat loaf was not gut.” He paused, tilted his head to one side. “How can you mess up meat loaf, though?”

“She’s trying so hatt to please you, James. And I think her ham loaf last night would have been all right if she hadn’t gotten her teaspoons and tablespoons mixed up.” Marian sighed. “I failed with Leah, I reckon. I’ve tried to teach her everything she needs to know about being a gut Amish fraa, but I must have done something wrong.”

“You didn’t fail, Marian. Leah has never been interested in cooking, sewing, gardening, or cleaning. And now, at eighteen, she’s trying to master these skills?” He shook his head. “She is only doing this so that I might change my mind and let her go to the singing.”

Marian pressed her lips together, raised her chin, and opened her eyes wide. It was the look she wore when she was about to confront him about something. “Maybe you should let her go, James.”

He knew she was right. A boy was interested in Leah, and he certainly didn’t want to hinder progress. “I don’t know . . .”

“I know the girls in the Lantz family. They have all been around Leah enough to know that she does not excel at certain things. I’m sure they’ve told Aaron that, and if he is still interested in her— perhaps you should reconsider her punishment, even if just for one night.”

James nodded at the approaching waitress, then waited for Marian to order before he ordered his lasagna. Maybe Leah just needed the right boy to motivate her to learn the skills necessary to become a good wife. “I reckon one night would be all right.”

Marian’s face lit up, and James was suddenly anxious to get home. His wife still caused his heart to skip a beat when she looked at him a certain way. After twenty-one years of marriage, he was as in love with her as the first day he saw her on the playground at school. Her brown eyes still sparkled with youthful enthusiasm when she was pleased, the same way they did the day that James offered her a piece of chewing gum in the fourth grade.

“I think that is a gut decision,” she said with a wink.

Sunday morning, Leah wasn’t surprised to see Kathleen, Mary Carol, Mamm, and even Edna making breakfast before she got downstairs. And they were up earlier than usual to do so.

“I know my cooking stinks.” She sighed. “I’ll get the jellies and such and put them on the table. Hard to mess that up.” She shuffled toward the refrigerator, her head hanging low. She’d really tried. How hard could it be to scramble eggs?

“Leah,” her mother said tenderly. “No worries. You will find something you excel at. And your cooking was fine.”

“It is a sin to lie, Mamm.” She placed the jams on the table, then thrust one hand on her hip. “I know that I got confused about the measurements with the ham loaf Friday night. And I know my meat loaf was heavy on the salt. But eggs? I should be able to do that.” She stomped her foot a bit. “I put the oil in with the eggs just like I’ve seen Kathleen do a hundred times.”

They all turned to face her, expressions blank.

Then Kathleen exclaimed, “That’s for cakes, Leah! I mix the oil in with the eggs when I’m making cakes, not when I’m just scrambling the eggs.” She shook her head and laughed.

“That explains it,” Mary Carol said.

“Explains what?” Daed entered the kitchen.

But no one answered him. Instead, laughter erupted throughout the kitchen as all eyes landed on his pant hems. One leg was hemmed much higher than the other.

“Leah,” Edna said, “is that the pair of pants you hemmed for Daed?”

Leah didn’t answer. She glanced back and forth between her sisters. Even her mother was chuckling. Their laughter echoed in Leah’s head as she ran out of the room.

She heard Edna calling after her, but she didn’t turn around. Then she heard her mother say that no one was making fun of her. But they were. All of them. If they knew how hard she’d really tried, they wouldn’t be laughing. She threw herself facedown on her bed.

“We should all be ashamed of ourselves,” Marian said. She dried her hands on her apron. “I’ll go to her.”

James cut in front of her path. “No. I will do it.”

He wasn’t even to the top of the stairs when he heard Leah crying. He slowly pushed open her bedroom door. She bolted upright and swiped at her tears.

“I’m sorry, Daed.” She buried her face in her hands. “I tried. I really did. I even tried to help Mary Carol in the garden, but she said I wasn’t picking the vegetables the right way. I’m not gut at any of this.”

James didn’t like to see Marian or any of the girls cry. And he was responsible for her pain. He sat down on Edna’s bed, across from Leah. “Leah,” he said tenderly, “the reason you are not gut with these skills is because you don’t practice them enough. If you practice—”

“That’s not true, Daed. I’ve tried on and off for years to be a better Amish woman. It just doesn’t come naturally to me, and I don’t know why.”

I don’t know why either. James stroked his beard and thought for a moment. “What do you want to do with your life, Leah? If these things that are necessary to become an Amish fraa don’t interest you, what does?”

James knew the answer, but he’d been praying for some guidance where Leah was concerned. Maybe she could explain her writing to him in a way that he could understand, tell him why such a silly thing was so important to her and seemed to distract her from more important things. It would serve her no purpose in their community, especially as a woman doing so. Women had certain responsibilities within the district. His daughter knew this.

Leah sniffled. “I’m eighteen years old. I know that I need to work on my home skills, and I will continue to do so.” She sat up taller.

James grimaced as he thought about more experimental meals, but he was the one who had forced this issue. Why doesn’t she mention her writing? “Is there something else you’d rather do, Leah? If so, tell me about it. Help me to understand.”

She looked at her feet. “No. Nothing. I will work harder to do better with my chores.”

A sense of despair settled over James. This was what he’d always wanted to hear from her, but he knew that she was stifling her dreams to say what he wanted to hear.

“I know you have been working hatt, Leah. I have decided to allow you to attend the singing tonight at the Grabers’.” He paused. “But your punishment is only on hold for tonight. Edna still needs to take things slowly until her infection is better, and I’d like to see you helping out more for the next couple weeks. No lunches with your Englisch friends or traveling to town. Then we will speak of this matter again.”

“Danki, Daed.”

James left his daughter’s room and knew he should feel victorious. Leah was finally coming around. But something just wasn’t right in his heart.