A Brand New Ending

Chapter 60

Phoenix



The bile rises in my throat as his lips press against the skin of my chest. I want to cry out, to scream, to beat him with my hands but I know that I will accomplish nothing. So I lie there. My body frozen, the tears from my eyes rolling down my cheeks. I close my eyes, not wanting to look at him. Never wanting to see his face again.

"Such a good girl," he purrs.

I hear the sound of a zipper and I don't know if it's real or simply a memory. My legs are then spread apart and I cry out against my will. I keep my eyes closed until suddenly I feel his weight being lifted off my body, a curdled scream filling the room.

Flying upwards, I see a tangled mess of bodies and limbs on the floor, Braeden's hands now around Bret's throat.

"I will f*cking kill you!" Braeden screams into his face, Bret's face begins turning purple.

I lower my eyes to the mattress, my knees pulled into my chest. The sound of fists hitting bone fills the room, a gurgling sound leaving someone's throat. I remain frozen, even though every fiber of my being is screaming on the inside. Small dots travel across my eye sight, my breathing becoming incredibly erratic. I begin to panic and fight to stay conscious but as always, the darkness wins.

~

Opening my eyes slowly I don't have to look around to know where I am. I remain still, reliving all the details of last night. Was it last night?

Sitting upright I glance around the room, realizing I am alone. Putting my face between my hands I start to cry, so tired of always ending back here no matter what I do. I hear the door being pushed open, Chelsea coming through.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" she asks, sitting in the corner of my bed.

I look over my body, for once it's not covered in wounds. Only invisible ones.

"I'm OK," I admit.

"Emotionally?"

A lump forms in my throat and I look away from her.

"I just want to go back," I choke out, not being able to finish my sentence.

I feel her hand slide into mine and I am surprised I don't pull away.

"I'm just so…tired," I cry out.

We both sit in silence for a few minutes. I soon feel her hand leave mine and we don't speak again and soon she exits again. I remain in my bed, my eyes fixated on the ceiling again. The vision of Braeden's fists pounding into Bret's body replays in my head, it creating more anxiety. My mind shifts back to the birthday party, which feels like a decade ago. It's almost like it was a dream. Maybe I was too happy. Maybe that wasn't allowed.

Tears form in my eyes and I push the covers off me, walking over to the closet. I am grateful to see some of my clothes hanging, silently thanking whoever brought them. Sliding them on quickly I know what I have to do. I have to go where people can't get hurt because of me. I have to leave him behind.

Zipping up my sweatshirt, I immediately throw the hood up. I put my ear to the closed door hearing no sounds other than small chatter. With a shaky hand I reach for the door handle, swallowing the large ball that is forming in my throat. Pulling it open slowly I peek out, confirming that at the moment the hallway is vacant. I push myself out of the room, my mind wondering what room Braeden is in, but quickly push it out of my mind. As I slowly go down the hallway, I start to panic but push myself forward, only the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. The ER is busy, everyone too preoccupied to pay attention to me. This is for everyone's good.

When I reach the end of the hallway without being spotted I let out a sigh. But it's not a sigh of relief. Did I want to be stopped? I hear a door click open and it startles me. I break into a sprint, not knowing or seeing who it was coming through the door. I continue to run and bodies fly by me as a blur, probably catching more attention than I should. Lasts night's encounter runs through on repeat in my brain and I swear I can feel his lips burning against my skin. I instantly become nauseated and I wish that I could erase everything from my mind. My eyes lie upon the side doors of the emergency room and feel that I might faint, my knees becoming weak.

"No," I tell myself, not allowing my body to take over my mind control. With a few more steps I push through them, the cool morning air making my throat string. I continue to jog away from the hospital, my breathing being cut off more and more as the distance grows. And then I stop, my body hunched over, trying to catch my breath. But it only worsens.

I stand there, a mixture of relief and regret flowing through my body. I resort to sitting on the curb, my head in my hands, my mind trying to comprehend everything, but instead it shuts down. I sit there for an unknown amount of time, completely numb, my body becoming desensitize.

"What the f*ck are you going to do?" I say out loud, obviously to no one in particular.

But there was one thing I was sure about. I couldn't let other people get hurt because of me. Braeden had risked death twice for me. Everything was my fault. I was the reason Carl hit me and my mother. If I had just been more understanding...if I hadn't provoked him with my nasty attitude. Braeden always was there, willing to give up everything for my safety. What did I have to give up for him? Nothing.

Our relationship was wrong. I took everything and gave nothing back. It wasn't fair to him. He deserved so much more than I could ever give him. Someone who wasn't broken. And in that moment I knew where to go. The only place where I ever felt safe. Pulling myself off the curb I push myself farther away from the hospital, my hood still tightly cinched around my face. My mind wonders to what they will do when they see I am no longer there. I begin to feel sick thinking about Braeden. I am a coward.

I continue to walk down the street, happy to see the morning crowds are active. I blend into them with ease, following as they filer into their destinations. I continue to walk, my feet starting to ache with every step I take, my mind and body still drained. I continue to push on, ignoring the signs that my body is screaming at me. I smile a little when I hear the sounds of idled engines. I drag on closer to the buses, wanting to just climb aboard. There a lot of people milling about, many of them obvious tourists. I stare at the exhaust exiting the back of the buses, fighting with every strength I have left not to let the threatening tears fall. That's when I realize there is a large flaw in my plan. Sinking down onto a nearby bench I curl into myself, bringing my knees up into my chest, my hood still hiding my face from anyone's view. And in my small cocoon of solitude, the tears start fall, not an ounce of energy left.

~

I must have dozed off because the next thing I feel is a soft shake on my shoulder, it startling me. I flip my head up, a middle aged women looking down at me.

"You can't sleep here," she says. "There's a home just up the street that will take in homeless people."

I laugh softly out loud. I know I look like shit but I didn't think I looked that bad.

"I…I…I'm waiting for my bus," I lie.

She clearly doesn't believe me.

"Let me see your ticket."

I shift my eyes around, not knowing what I'm going to say.

"That's my granddaughter," I hear an unknown female voice speak.

When I look over I see an older women walking up to us, a bright smile on her face. The bus worker looks at her and smiles.

"My apologies," she responds and moves on.

The older lady sits beside me, both of us silent for a moment.

"Thank you," I respond nervously.

The women just continues to stare at me and puts her hand on top of mine, I flinch slightly.

"I've been watching you, are you all right?"

No.

"I'm fine."

"You've been here quite a while. Where are you headed?"

"I don't really know," I admit.

Her grip on me tightens. "Where do you want to be?"

"Home, I want to go home…"

"And where might that be?" she asks.

I think about it for a second. Lately home was wherever Braeden was, but that wasn't an option now.

"Oregon," I squeak out.

"How old are you sweetie?" she asks me.

"I just turned twenty."

She gives my hand another squeeze and gets up from the bench. As I watch her walk away I wonder what that was all about. I feel that I should move on before the worker comes back, but I can't. When I peer down the street again, I see the older woman, her body moving slowly. When she reaches me again she holds out a small bag and an envelope.

"Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place, and then only will you truly realize how important your beginnings are."

Reaching up I take the things from her, the same smile on her face.

"God bless you child," she says before walking on.

I sit there in a state of shock. Slowly I open the bag, a large muffin, an apple and a bottle of water inside. I open the envelope next, tears starting to form again. A one-way ticket. I look up to find her again, but she's nowhere in sight. I pinch the skin on my arm to make sure this isn't a dream.

I hear a driver call out my route and I peel myself off the bench, taking small steps toward the bus. When I reach the ticket person I hand it to him, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Thank you, ma'am," he says, handing my stub back to me.

I stare at the first step for a few seconds. Put your foot forward. Stepping up into the bus I try to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry, Braeden."