Chapter 30
At his words, Sarah reared back, as if seeing her brother for the first time.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m so, so sorry....”
After trailing off, unable to continue, Brian started to cry.
Not the quiet, repressed sounds of sadness, but the anguished cries of a child. His shoulders shook violently, as if in spasm. Until that moment, Brian had never cried for what he had done, and now that he had started, he wasn’t sure that he would ever stop.
In the midst of his grief, Sarah put her arms around him, and her touch made his crime seem even worse than the terrible thing it was, for he knew then that his sister still loved him in spite of it. She said nothing at all as he cried, but her hand began gently moving up and down his back. Brian leaned into her, holding her tightly, somehow believing that if he let go, everything would change between them.
But even then, he knew it had.
He wasn’t sure how long he cried, but when he finally stopped, he began to tell his sister how it happened.
He did not lie.
He did not, however, tell her about the visits.
During his entire confession, Brian never met her eyes. He didn’t want to see her pity or her horror; he didn’t want to see the way she really saw him.
But at the end of his story, he finally steeled himself to meet her gaze.
He saw neither love nor forgiveness on her face.
What he saw was fear.
Brian stayed with Sarah most of the morning. She had many questions; in the process of answering them, Brian told her everything once more. Some questions, though—like why he hadn’t gone to the police—had no meaningful answer, except for the obvious: that he was in shock, he was frightened, that too much time eventually passed.
Like Brian, Sarah justified his decision, and like Brian, she questioned it. They went back and forth, time and time again, but in the end, when she finally grew silent, Brian knew it was time for him to leave.
On his way out the door, he glanced back over his shoulder.
On the couch, hunched over like someone twice her age, his sister was quietly crying, her face buried in her hands.