“With respect,” I say. “Many literacy studies over the years have proven this ‘theory’ to be true, and I’ve seen it firsthand in my work.” I smile. “I’m a librarian.”
“Well then,” she says, a little startled. “As the expert that you are, I expect you’ll be displeased with the way I’ve been running this bookstore since your mother’s health declined. Go ahead and tell me what you have in mind. Don’t beat around the bush. What is it? A new computer system?” She presses the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically. “Online ordering? Some social media nonsense? Bookstagramming? Lord help us all.”
Clearly, she’s never seen my account, @booksbyval. I grin, deciding to take the humorous approach. “Ever considered book deliveries by drone?”
I only meant to lighten the mood, but Liza looks as if she’s either about ready to burst into a fit of laughter—or break out in hives.
“I’m only kidding,” I say. “About the drones.” Millie doesn’t laugh.
Sensing the rising tension, Liza steps in. “Now, Millie. You have nothing to worry about. Valentina is here to help. She’s Eloise’s daughter, after all.”
“Well, your mother was the bravest woman I’ve ever known,” Millie says wistfully. “She risked everything to follow her heart.”
My cheeks burn as I take in Millie’s words; before I can stop myself, I open my mouth to speak. “That’s quite an interesting definition of ‘brave.’?”
Millie’s eyes are laser-focused on mine. “Valentina,” she begins. “I don’t know what you were told, or what you believe, but I want you to understand that…what happened…you must know that it wasn’t at all what she wanted or planned for.”
Her words have only stoked the fire simmering within me. “Then what was the plan?” I say, the tone of my voice sharp and piercing but, above all, sad. “Tell me, please. Because all these years I’ve been dying to know why a mother—my mother—could leave so suddenly, never to be heard from again. You’d think she might have, oh, maybe found a spare moment to call me on my birthday, or, I don’t know, perhaps visit one Christmas? Anything!” So many long-held emotions push their way to the surface, and I know it’s too late to suppress them. “Why? Why didn’t she just come home? To me. To her family.”
Millie shakes her head gravely, the wrinkles around her eyes accentuated by the overhead lighting. “You really don’t understand, do you? You really have no idea.”
Before I can make sense of what she means, much less venture a response, the bells on the door jingle and a frazzled-looking woman in her mid-fifties bursts inside, setting a large box on the counter. “You do take used books, don’t you?”
“Indeed,” Millie says, peering into the box. “What do we have here?”
“Oh, I don’t know—they’re my husband’s. I cleaned out his office while he’s away on a business trip. Stacks of books everywhere. Really, I’m saving him from himself. He’s one step away from becoming a…” She pauses. “You know, one of those crazy people on the telly who live in heaps of junk.”
“A hoarder?” Liza suggests.
“Yes!” the woman says, loosening the scarf around her neck. “That’s exactly it. He has far too many books.”
Millie and I exchange knowing looks and, for the first time, find ourselves in a moment of…agreement. However repugnant this woman finds her husband’s “bad habit,” we both know the same truth: There’s nothing wrong with having too many books.
Still, Millie plays along. “So, he has a bit of a problem, does he?”
The woman nods, exasperated. “The other day, he actually suggested that we turn the guest bedroom into a library. A library!”
“Wow,” Millie says, shaking her head in false sympathy. “That’s…terrible.” She reaches into the box and selects a leather-bound book from the top and opens the cover. “An American first edition of Wuthering Heights by Emily Bront?.” She shows us the title page. “Authorship is misattributed to Emily’s sister Charlotte. The credit line, ‘By the author of Jane Eyre.’ That’s a famous literary mistake.” She selects another and raises an eyebrow. “These are quite special. Are you sure your husband doesn’t mind you selling them?”
She shrugs. “He’s a professor of English literature. If we kept every book that comes into our home, I wouldn’t be able to walk into my kitchen.”
“Well, then, if you’re certain you want to part with them—”
“I’m certain,” the woman says immediately. “And I have at least ten more boxes at home.”
“All right, then,” Millie continues. “It might take me a bit of time to sort through.”
The woman turns to the street, where an SUV with hazard lights flashing is parked out front. “Listen, I’m in a bit of a hurry. Maybe just give me twenty quid and we’ll call it good?”
Millie’s eyes widen. “I have to be honest with you,” she says. “These books are worth more than twenty quid.”
“All right, I’ll take fifty, then. I was supposed to pick my daughter up from a playdate a half hour ago, and at this rate, I’ll be late to my Pilates class—again.”
“Right,” Millie says, entering the transaction into the register before handing the woman a sales slip to sign. “Fifty it is, then.”
“Well,” Millie says after the woman darts out. “At the end of the day, not everyone is a book lover.”
“Her loss, your gain,” Liza says with a shrug.
Together, we have a look. Millie reaches for one of the books and examines its copyright page as I pick up one of C. S. Lewis’s early works. “Can you even imagine your spouse doing something like this behind your back?” I say, my mind suddenly turning to Nick. “Well, I guess I actually can.”
Liza nods. “I’d like to be a fly on the wall in that house when her husband comes home and all hell breaks loose. Can’t you just see the headline? Breaking news: Man kills wife for selling his rare book collection.”
Mille is in her own world, sorting through the treasures in the box. “One of my favorite literary thrillers,” she says, holding up a novel I don’t recognize. Liza and I follow her as she walks to a nearby bookcase where she tucks it onto a middle shelf. I eye the array of books carefully, and though the obvious disorganization pains my librarian’s soul, I know better than to say anything just yet. Instead, I direct my attention to the books and one, in particular, catches my eye.
“Wait,” I say, extracting a familiar spine from the shelf. I know it in an instant, of course. The Last Winter. Not long after my mother left, a librarian suggested I read it. I always wondered if she had a sixth sense. How else would she have thought to pluck that dusty old copy from the highest shelf? A forgotten novel for a forgotten girl. Well, I read it and read it and read it. It became the soundtrack to my heavy heart, the drumbeat to my beleaguered journey through my teen years and beyond. I must have read it a dozen times—at least.
Millie peers over my shoulder. “One of your favorites?”
“Yes,” I say without explanation as I run my hand along the edge of its cover. In the frenzy of the divorce and subsequent house sale, I’d misplaced my beloved copy, and the loss had been a blow.