Chapter Fourteen
Firsts
Lily
“Oh God!” I almost shriek.
Nox’s arm tightens over my squirming belly and he lifts his head. “You ‘kay?”
Lifting my head, panting, I fight the urge to smack him and nod vigorously, “Don’t stop!” Then I push his head back down.
I feel his breath on me as he chuckles soundlessly. His tongue darts out, slowly lapping at my sensitive folds and I die.
I die.
Over and over and over again.
Okay, so let’s rewind here for a minute.
Earlier tonight, I laid it out for Nox.
Honest to God. Courage ignited like a spark low in my belly, and I knew tonight was the night.
It was a speak now or forever hold your peace moment.
You could call it a do or die moment.
Or even a stop being chickenshit moment.
Whatever you want to call it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Something akin to desperation took hold of me and I struggled with it. I fought it hard but it won out.
There’s desperation and then there’s desperation. Holding back was no longer an option.
I want Nox. I need Nox. And I’ll tell you how I know this.
Number one, he takes care of me, even though I can be a total shithead. Number two, he’s been nothing but good to me since our first motel adventure. He even smiles at me now. And it’s a nice smile. Number three, he trains me like he would anyone else. Never treating me like a girl. Only as an equal. Number four, he took pity on a scared girl and allowed her comfort when she needed it. A huge pro on the list.
Number five, every night before we sleep, he spoons me.
That’s right. Nox spoons.
And while he spoons me, he takes my hand, links our fingers together and holds them to my chest. Then, yes then, he buries his face into my hair and he sighs.
And that sigh…
Ugh.
That sigh.
It makes my heart flip around in my chest. It makes my nose tingle. It makes me feel beautiful. I’ve never had that before. Okay, so I’ve never had anyone before. But I’m thinking if a man like Nox, gruff and withdrawn, can make a woman feel beautiful with nothing but a breath…
…I’m thinking that’s special. It feels special. And special, for me, is rare.
I don’t want to miss a second I have with him. And I had to let him know that. So after he let me kiss him, I know he felt what I felt. I know this because he made me come. See, he gave me one of my firsts. And it was amazing. But I secretly want him to have them all. I want that because he’s special.
Panting hard, my core tightens. Gripping the sheets tightly, I try in vain to elevate my hips but he holds me down firmly while torturing me in the best possible way. “Easy girl. Let it happen.”
Flushed and demanding, I struggle to be free, but he calms me with a whisper, “Got you, baby. Come for me.”
Frustration tears through me, “I can’t! It’s so close, but I- I- I can’t!”
His mouth closes over my ultra-sensitive bud and he sucks. White spots blur my vision. A sob tears out of me as my body trembles and shudders with release. I buck and jerk restlessly, feeling completely out of control. But it’s okay.
Nox has me.
My body quakes one last time before it becomes limp.
That was completely exhausting.
And totally what I needed.
Panting, I allow myself to take in the stillness of the room. I blink slowly, suddenly drowsy, when I feel Nox kiss the inside of my thigh and start to rise.
His head ascends and our eyes meet. He sees too much with those eyes.
It’s suddenly too much.
I’m overwhelmed.
I swallow hard. Blinking rapidly, I whisper through quivering lips, “Never had special before.”
Nox watches me carefully, not revealing what he’s thinking.
Never revealing what he’s thinking.
A second before I fall apart, his hand wraps around my ankle and he pulls me down the length of the bed. Catching me in his strong arms, he sits on the floor at the foot of the bed, pulling me into his lap. He cradles me and now it really becomes too much.
Shoving my face into his neck, gut-wrenching sobs break free from somewhere deep in my heart. “You don’t even know what you’ve done to me. And that really sucks because you’re so f*cking great, and you don’t even know that.” Shuddering breaths, then, “And it hurts to feel this much now because it shows me what a goddamn, shitty life I’ve been living.” I pause, then whisper, “You’re really amazing, Nox.”
What I don’t add is, ‘and I’m in love with you.’
Nox doesn’t coo. He doesn’t tell me everything will be alright. He doesn’t pretend I’m not a mess. But he does let me cry it out. And once I’m done covering his neck in tears and snot, he lifts my sorrow-weakened body.
Yes. Sorrow.
Sorrow is what you feel when you mourn. And I’m mourning my life.
My wasted life.
“God, I’m a blubbering mess,” I mutter as he places a strong arm around my waist, supporting me as he walks me into the bathroom.
Nox turns on the shower, then moves to stand in front of me. My blurry eyes search his face, those icy-blue eyes warmer than I’ve ever seen. Without a word, his fingers grip the bottom of my tank and he lifts it over my head, throwing it to the side. He doesn’t remove his boxers. Taking my hand, he links our fingers and leads me to the shower.
Making sure he hits the water first, he pulls me under the warm spray, careful not to wet my hair, and we stand there for a long while.
Emotionally exhausted, I don’t utter a word of complaint as he begins to wash me. Running his soapy hands all over. His palms slide down my neck as he carefully washes my breasts, lightly running his thumbs over my nipples. My eyes flutter as they tighten, craving more of his attention. We never take our eyes off each other’s.
This is not a sexy moment.
It’s a beautiful moment.
All cried out, I lose myself in the feel of his hands as one slips between my legs to cleanse the sensitive flesh there. Slowly but carefully, he works his hands, expertly caressing the globes of my ass and back up to the small mounds that are my breasts.
We rinse, step out and I stand on the mat as Nox dries me off.
Wearing only a towel, he wraps an arm around my shoulder leading me back to bed. I lie by my lonesome, but watch as he turns his back to me and removes his wet boxers. He towels himself off before stepping into a dry pair of shorts.
Walking with a purpose, he climbs into bed, laying his head down on the feather pillow. I try to turn, as per our usual spooning routine, but he stops me with a strong hand on my towel covered hip. His firm hand softens, he gently opens the towel revealing my nakedness but I don’t flush.
It’s too late for flushing. My body knows those hands. They’re imprinted all over me. Gripping my hips, he pulls me forward until my nipples brush his firm chest.
Lifting my face, I whisper, “Say something. You’re freakin’ me out.”
His lips twitch and his eyes crinkle at the corners. Lowering his face to mine, he kisses me softly and I sigh, kissing him back just as softly. Against my lips, he mutters, “Goodnight, Lily.”
Then he lifts his chin, tucks my head under, and sighs that special sigh.
Feeling around, I find his hand, link our fingers and follow him into a restful sleep. I silently pray that tonight is not a dream.
Because if it is, I don’t want to wake up.
***
Warmth on my neck wakes me. Insistent lips kiss me wetly from under my ear to the base of my throat. A mewing sound escapes me as I stretch my arms over my head, trying to break my sleep.
A growling response comes from Nox, and subconsciously I wrap my arms around his head, his lips at my throat. Not having opened my eyes yet, I lift my neck providing him better access. His mouth travels down my chest and into the valley between my breasts. Wet warmth covers my nipple and rips a gasp from me. My core contracts as he suckles me.
Holy shit!
Unable to stop myself, I reach down, scraping my fingernails on his stomach, down lower until I come into contact with something incredibly hard, long, and warm. He growls into my breast, never removing his mouth. Open palmed, I rub him over his boxers.
But it’s just not enough. I need to feel him.
Placing my palm on his abs, I trail down his stomach and into his boxers. As soon as my fingers brush the head of his hard length, he releases my nipple with a pop. Squeezing his eyes shut, he mutters, “F*ck me. F*ck me. Goddamn.”
Wrapping my hand firmly around it, I’m shocked at the feel of him. I didn’t expect him to be so big or warm, or hard, yet smooth at the same time.
It feels good.
Not quite sure what to do, I beg quietly, “Please. Show me how to do this.”
Clearly not needing me to ask again, he reaches down, wraps his hand tighter around mine on his erection, and shows me how he likes to be stroked. Up and down, nice and slow.
I watch his face. Looking almost pained, he makes a choked sound. I stroke him harder and faster. Breathing heavily, he murmurs, “F*ck. Jesus. Lily. Baby.”
“Kiss me.”
His hand shoots out, fingers tangling in my hair as he plants brutal, deep, bruising kisses onto my mouth. Kissing him back, I whimper when he catches my bottom lip between his teeth. Both my hands on him, I continue to stroke him and I feel his length harden even more. His stomach clenches. He groans, biting down on my bottom lip harder. I mew and his groan turns into a growl.
Growling, he releases my bottom lip but holds me by the back of the head tightly, as if I would escape him.
Yeah. ‘Cause that’ll happen.
Not!
Our mouths open, we breathe into each other, making desperate pleas through growls and moans. Nox reaches down quickly, holding my hand still under his. His blue eyes widen; he stops breathing a moment before his hips jerk uncontrollably. He thrusts fitfully into my tight grip and he groans through his release. My hands suddenly coated in something wet, sticky, and warm. I can’t take my eyes off him.
Oh wow.
Oh wow.
That was…wow.
“Whoa,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes and I feel him deflate in my hands. It’s a weird feeling! Still breathing heavily, he opens his eyes and looks at me. A small smile tugs at my lips and I’m suddenly giddy.
Bunching my nose, I squish my face and say through a stupid smile, “Good morning.”
He blinks, still looking either half asleep or exhausted from his release, peeking through one eye. He catches my smile and chuckles, “F*cking great morning, princess.”
Oh, I like that.
“So you’re talking to me again?”
Brows furrowing, he says, “Come again?”
Unsure of myself, I say quietly, “It’s just that last night you didn’t say a word to me. But I know I was in a scary bad mood, so I just thought I’d tell you that it won’t happen again, and I’m sorry for ruining a really great night.”
The air is sucked out of the room. Nox’s body goes rigid against mine. Looking up into his face, my eyes widen.
Shit.
He’s pissed. Jaw tight, the vein in his temple throbs as he glares at me through narrowed and icy-cold eyes.
He’s not pissed. He’s livid.
Why do I have to open my big mouth? It was such a good morning!
Gah!
I open my mouth to correct whatever it is I said, but he puts up a hand as warning.
My mouth snaps shut and he starts, “First things first, my silence last night had nothing to do with you, but also had everything to do with you. You were not good last night, Lily, and I’m not the kind of guy that’s filled with sweet words.” Shaking his head, he adds, “That’s not me.”
I’m trying to understand where this is going so I simply nod.
He nods, too. “But I get you. And I know that nothing I said last night would’ve helped. So I shut my trap, knowing that whatever I could’ve said would’ve only made things worse. That wasn’t something we needed. So, rather than using words, I showed you how I could take care of you. So now you know. We can go from there.” His face softens as he says, “You didn’t ruin anything, baby. Got to taste you in every way, take care of you, and hold you all night. That’s not bad.”
Shaking his head slowly, he utters, “That’s f*cking phenomenal.”
My head dips to hide my smile, but he catches my chin between his fingers, pulling my face back up to his.
The smile he wears isn’t one I’ve seen before. It’s soft and sweet. And it’s aimed at me.
I love that.
Face turning serious, he says, “You get me?”
Yeah. I totally do.
Not trusting myself to speak, I nod and mouth, “Yeah.”
His eyes crinkle. “Then kiss me, baby.”
He doesn’t need to ask again.
Lifting my face, I press my lips to his and kiss him sweetly. I feel him smile against my lips and it’s so beautiful that my stomach dips.
Finally pulling back, Nox inhales slowly, he utters on an exhale, “Don’t really wanna get out of bed but we need to eat.” A cruel smile appears on his face. “You know what today is, princess?”
Shit. Shit. Dammit. Shit.
I do know.
Cringing, I whine and he chuckles. We both speak at the same time.
“Leg day.”
***
Showering quick as I can, I slip into the kitchen while Nox is showering and eat some plain oatmeal (blech!) and drink half a glass of orange juice. When he finally comes down dressed in his work-out pants sans tank or tee, I watch Nox as he eats his apple.
We stand at opposite ends of the kitchen smiling at each other like a couple of dorks.
Finishing his apple with a smile and a shake of his head, he holds the core and walks pastme to throw it in the trash. When his chest brushes my back, my nipples harden.
That’s the effect he has on me.
A man like Nox is wild.
You can’t tame him. You don’t want to even try. His ferocity is gorgeous. There’s beauty in every single scowl and glare he shoots my way. Things won’t ever be the same for me. And I’m grateful.
I never realized how much I hate my life. Not until he showed me beautiful.
Pressing close to my back, he wraps his muscled arm around my middle and I sink back into him. Tilting my head, he places a slow-wet kiss under my ear and I close my eyes. A throat clearing makes me jerk.
My eyes snap open and I cringe.
That’s because Boo and Rock stand there, mouths gaping.
My heart races. I don’t want Nox to get into trouble.
Feeling protective, I blurt out, “It’s all my fault! I seduced him! And I was good at it, too!” Twisting my neck, looking up into Nox’s face, I add seriously, “Wasn’t I, babe?’
Nox smiles down at me so hard, it looks like he’s holding back laughter. He leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my mouth.
I mentally gasp.
Don’t do that! I’m trying to save your ass, you nitwit!
Boo chuckles roughly, shaking her head as if to clear it. “Has- has the world gone mad?”
“I don’t know, babe.” Rock’s eyes crinkle at us. “But all I will say to you both is to be careful, alright?”Nodding vigorously, my fearful expression turns sour when Rock adds, “And if it’s not on, it’s not on. You get me, lovely Lily?”
Bunching my nose at his condom reference, I grip a banana and throw it at him, hard. Catching the banana with little effort, he peels it, takes a bite and walks away laughing under his breath.
Boo smiles softly but her face falls a little when she says softly, “I’m happy for you both. I really am.”
There’s a but in there somewhere. I can feel it in my bones. Walking over to us, she stands on the opposite side of the counter and adds, “But you need to think carefully about this.” Nox’s arm tightens around my waist and I swear I hear him growl. Boo ignores the display of dominance and utters, “Have you thought about what happens aft-”
Nox warns heatedly, “Boo.”
Lowering her eyes, she purses her lips. Lifting her head, looking right at me, she smiles. “I’m happy for you, Deedee. Just-” My throat clogs when her eyes mist. “Just be happy, okay?”
Without waiting for a reply, she turns on her heel to follow Rock.
Nox squeezes me and I place my hand over his, squeezing back. Twisting again, I ask, “Why did you do that?”
I don’t have to elaborate. He knows what I’m talking about.
His eyes warm for just a second before ice cloaks them once more. Looking down at the counter, he explains softly, “There are girls out there you want to f*ck, and there are girls out there that you want to love.” He looks me in the eye. “Not ashamed of you, Lily.”
He stops speaking for a moment, allowing that to sink in.
Leaning his chin on top of my head, he utters, “You’re not for the background.” Burying his nose into my hair, he mutters, “You deserve center stage.”
A violent tremor washes over me, my entire body breaking into goosebumps. My heart squeezes, and I try hard at pushing back the tears from hearing something like that come out of Nox.
“I thought you didn’t do sweet.” My voice sounds thick even to me.
With a smack to my butt, he steps back, takes my hand in his and smirks, “Besides, I’m the boss. What are they gonna do? Fire me?”
My brows lift and I tilt my head while pursing my lips.
He has a point.
A goofy smile spreads across my lips, and I allow him to lead me to death by workout.