My good mood plummets like a stone in the ocean. Down, down, down.
Unknown: How does it feel to lose your virginity to a monster?
I choke on my gasp. How do they know?
I certainly didn’t tell anyone…
Which means Caleb did.
24
Lenora knocks on my door. “Hey, honey. We’re going out. Will you be okay on your own?”
I sit up and look at her. I’ve been struggling through homework for the last hour. Math used to be my favorite subject, but I haven’t been able to concentrate this semester.
Too many other things pulling my attention, I guess.
“Where are you going?”
She grins. “Robert got a reservation to a nice restaurant. He surprised me, and since it’s a Friday…”
I mirror her smile. “That’s awesome! Date night?”
“Exactly. And as of tomorrow, we’re lifting your grounding.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’ve been good, and we didn’t want to make this a drawn-out thing. Besides, it’s your senior year. You should be able to have fun with your friends.”
“Thank you.”
She ventures deeper into my room and sits beside me. “We need to talk tomorrow. Robert and I wanted to check in with you after Angela’s visit, but things just got a little crazy…”
“It’s okay.” I fiddle with the blanket on my lap.
Between Lenora working late and my inability to do anything except for homework, I’ve had a few movie nights with Robert and a few nights of crashing early. In reality, I’ve barely seen Lenora this week.
“We’ll do a brunch tomorrow. I found a new French toast recipe that I’ve been eager to try. Will you help me?”
I grin. “I love French toast.”
“It’s a date.”
Robert calls Lenora’s name from downstairs, and she pats my wrist.
“I’m being summoned,” she says. “Have a nice quiet evening.”
“See you tomorrow.”
She tentatively leans forward, wrapping her arms around me. “Is this okay?” she whispers.
“Yeah.” I hug her back, resting my chin on her shoulder.
It feels… nice.
She releases me when I drop my arms, and then they’re gone. I listen for the front door to close, then shove my homework off my bed. I flop backward and close my eyes.
My mother flashes in front of my closed eyelids.
“What did you do, Margo?” she asks. She looms giant in my memory, gripping my shoulders.
I don’t answer, and she shakes me back and forth.
“Mom,” I cry.
“Margo.”
I thrash, trying to break her bruising grip.
“Margo!”
“Stop,” I moan.
“Wake up!”
My eyes snap open, focusing on Caleb.
His eyebrows are creased.
I try to remember what I was dreaming about. It seems impossible that I fell asleep, but the clock tells me an hour has passed.
“You were crying for your mom,” he murmurs.
The scene zooms back to the forefront of my mind.
I lunge up and throw my arms around him, bursting into tears.
“I-I-I can’t remember what I did to make her hate me,” I hiccup. “Why did she leave me?”
I know the answer. She loved drugs more than her daughter. She was declared unfit to parent—that’s what Angela told me. I don’t remember much of the hearing with the judge, except that Mom never showed.
Dad was already gone at that point.
There was no one left to take care of me… so into the foster system I went.
Caleb rubs my back. “It’s okay.”
It isn’t. It won’t be until I find the answers I need.
I don’t know which questions to ask, though. I don’t know where to begin to look for Amberly Wolfe.
“Will you help me?” I sniff. “You…” To say he was there would be a lie. After Dad was arrested, I didn’t see Caleb for seven years. He wouldn’t know where my mother is, and he sure as hell wouldn’t care.
“No.”
His answer stings, but I get it.
I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“I told you I’d see you tonight.”
I squint at him through my unshed tears. “Did you get them the reservation?”
He smiles. “I might’ve been planning it for us, but you’re still grounded. So… yeah, I offered it up to get them out of the house.”
“Devious,” I mutter. “And arrogant.”
“And ruthless,” he adds, kissing my cheek.
“And wicked.” I turn my head slightly, catching his lips on mine.
“What are you going to do about it?” he asks.
“I’ll beg you to make me forget about it.” I kiss him again, harder.
Losing my virginity to Caleb is confusing. My body likes him—almost too much, I think—and I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know what to make of him. They say that you forge connections when you lose that piece of yourself.
I didn’t believe it. I still don’t, to a certain extent. Caleb and I have been connected by an invisible string forever. The sex just made it better. Or worse. Any chance of escaping him has gone out the window, because now I don’t want to run.
He said only he was allowed to be cruel to me.
The sick part is, I’m looking forward to it.
His fingers on the waistband of my shorts brings me back to the present. I raise my hips for him to tug the fabric down.
I unbutton his pants, freeing his erection. He pauses undressing me only long enough to toss a condom on my stomach. I tear it open and roll it on him carefully, half remembering past health class lessons. He groans into my neck.
My shirt is gone, and he stares down at me for a second before dropping more weight on me. I feel him at my entrance as he kisses my collarbone.
“This is going to hurt,” he warns me. He rocks his hips forward, pushing into me.
I didn’t realize how sore I was from Monday until right this instant.
I tense, and he freezes.
“Relax, Margo.” His tongue flicks out against the shell of my ear.
I loosen my muscles, one at a time, and he slides in deeper. I lift my hips to meet his thrusts, marveling at the feel of him hitting a deep spot inside me. I’m more sensitive than I could’ve imagined.
He nips my earlobe, following it with his tongue. Who knew ears could be so… hot?
I dig my nails into his back, hugging him closer.