He didn't look up as I approached him. "It doesn't get easier," he said, rubbing his hands together. "You'd think eventually that it would, but it doesn't."
I didn't respond because there was nothing to say. Not being able to save someone and watching them die? Yeah, it never got easier.
Sighing heavily, he turned off the spigot and stood, wiping his hands along the front of his jeans. A wavy lock fell across his forehead and into his eyes. "That man back there? When he got up this morning, he probably thought he was coming home tonight."
"Probably," I whispered, not even sure he heard me over the partygoers on the street and sidewalk.
Ren lifted his chin to the small balconies above. "He had no idea."
"No."
Shoulders tensing, he lowered his chin and met my gaze. Several moments passed and neither of us said anything. The world outside the alley washed away, all the noise retreating to a distant hum. The sorrow in his expression was palpable, and I knew he felt the stranger's death in a way most Order members didn't. Not that they didn't care about a human loss, but when you were surrounded by so much death, you not only expected it but became a part of it.
Without giving myself time to really think about what I was doing, I stepped forward and reached out, wrapping my hand around his damp one. His eyes flared back to life with surprise. Feeling warmth in my cheeks, I squeezed his hand then let go.
His gaze traveled over my face then flicked up. He grabbed me by the shoulders, jolting me. I gasped out of shock as he pulled me against his chest and turned, pressing me toward the building.
Not even a second later, a blue and white moped flew down the alley, moving so quickly the force created a sharp burst of wind. Eyes wide, I watched it breach the entrance on the other side, hanging a sharp right.
"Oh my God, I . . . I almost got run over by a moped," I said, turning my bewildered stare back on Ren. "That would've been so embarrassing to be taken out by one of them."
His lips twitched as his striking features softened. "Good thing you have me around, saving you from reckless moped drivers."
"You're a hero," I replied.
Ren laughed, and I felt a measure of satisfaction at hearing the sound. Although I'd only known him for a short period of time, I hadn't liked the burden etched into his features. It didn't seem right on him.
He drew in a deep breath, and mine caught. In that moment, I realized we were chest-to-chest, so close I thought I could feel his pounding heart, but it might've been mine. Probably was mine, but there wasn't an inch of space between our bodies, and unlike the last time we were like this, I was so not feeling anger.
His arms draped loosely around my waist, and a heady warmth trilled through my veins. I stared at the vee of skin exposed above the collar of his shirt and realized dimly that my hands were on his chest. I had no idea how they got there. They had a mind of their own. That headiness dropped low in my belly, tightening muscles that had been on vacation for a fairly long amount of time.
Holy crap, I was actually experiencing a case of insta-lust. Sure, I'd noticed guys since Shaun, but nothing more than a passing interest that lasted all of ten seconds and was easily forgettable, but this . . . this was like basking in the sun.
Good news? My lady bits still worked—oh yeah, they were really working, like, overtime. The tips of my breasts tingled where they touched his chest. A blade of desire pierced me sharply, and it was the first time in three years I'd felt this level of attraction.
And Val, who had a healthy obsession with the functionality of my lady bits, would be thrilled to know they still worked.
Bad news? I wasn't sure exactly what was bad about any of this yet, but I was sure I'd come up with a few things as soon as there was some kind of space between us and my brain started working again.
"You okay?" Ren asked, voice deeper and rougher. "Your stomach?"
Don't look up. Don't look up. My gaze roamed up his neck, over lips that really were way too nicely formed, along a nose I realized must've been broken at some point due to the slight hook in its structure, then I was staring into eyes surrounded by thick black lashes. Dammit, I had looked up.
But gosh, his eyes were really beautiful.
One side of his mouth curled up. "Ivy?"
I blinked. "Yeah, my stomach is fine. I actually ran this morning, and it didn't bother me at all."
"That's good." The tilt of his lips spread into a full smile, and oh me, oh my, those dimples came out and those muscles low in my stomach tightened even more. "Ivy?" he said my name again.
"Yeah?" I was proud of the fact that I didn't take forever to answer, but the breathless quality of my voice sounded strange to my ears, because even with . . .
I didn't want to finish that thought.
He dipped his chin, and my heart jumped. "You going to let go of my shirt? I mean, you don't have to, but you keep tugging on my shirt like that, I'm going to get all kinds of naughty ideas that I will, without a doubt, act on."
At first I didn't get it. What the hell was he rambling on about? Parts of my body got hung up on the naughty ideas he'd act on and got all kinds of happy about that. My gaze dropped and I saw my hands were fisting his shirt, and . . . his arms weren't around me anymore.
Oh my God, I was groping him—his shirt. Could you grope a shirt? I was pretty sure I was groping his shirt.
Dropping my hands, I took a step back and bounced into the brick wall. Total stealth move right there. I wanted to kick myself.
Ren's eyes glimmered in the fading sunlight filtering between the buildings. He didn't speak for a moment, just holding my stare with his and then, "We should probably clear out of the area."
Good idea. Great idea. Witnesses could have given our description, and those we had on the force might not be around to play interference. Drawing in a deep breath, I reined in my newly discovered active lady bits as he stepped aside gracefully. For such a large guy, he moved as if he was made of air. Actually everything about the way he moved was fascinating to watch.
Or I really, seriously, just needed to get laid.
I sighed.
Then the worst possible thing in the history of mankind and beyond burst out of my mouth. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Holy shit balls on Sunday, I did not just ask that. Ren looked over his shoulder at me, one eyebrow arched. I did ask that. Those words really did come out of my mouth and I wanted to maim myself, but I waited to hear his answer.
Ren's grin was like dark chocolate, smooth and rich. "Not yet."
Chapter Eight
The rest of our shift was pretty uneventful compared to what happened at the start of it. I tried not thinking about that poor woman and the innocent man, the life that was lost in a matter of minutes, the life that would be lost, and all the other lives that would be impacted. Not thinking about it, as callous as that sounded? was the only way we could continue hunting. And I tried not to think about the tension-filled moment Ren and I had shared or the absolutely stupid question I had asked or his mysterious response. That was the only way I could still walk beside him without wanting to pitch myself in front of a moving vehicle.
We found three fae—normal fae—during our patrol. As much as it killed me to stand aside and let Ren handle them since I'd been ordered to not engage, I was already tired of arguing, at least for the night. Both of us would be off on Sunday, and I was thinking by Monday I'd be able to fight without risking much damage to the stitches.
When it was time for our shift to end at one, I wasn't entirely surprised when he attempted to escort me home. "I'm going to get a cab," I told him. "It's too far of a walk, even in the day."
Standing on the corner of Canal and Royal, he cocked his head to the side. "True."
I really had no idea how to part ways from this point, and I felt like I could give a class on awkward. I could see the cab coming and I glanced at Ren. "Well, I guess I'll . . . see you on Monday then?"