She had always taken the estimation of people around her for granted. That something she considered so integral to herself could be taken away now was terrifying. She felt the loss of Louis’s protection. She felt like a gazelle surrounded by lions. Of course they were going to come for her. How could they not?
“We shall decide all of this in the coming weeks,” she said. “After I have had a chance to peruse these documents. I look forward very much to working with you gentlemen and hearing your concerns one by one.”
* * *
Later that day, Louis’s solicitor sat down with her. He had light-brown eyes, the color of a murky pond, and she waited for something to emerge from their depths. He explained to Marie she would never be able to run such a large house by herself. It was impossible. She didn’t want to do such a thing anyway. She shouldn’t be bothered with something so mundane. Since she was only twenty-two and a woman, he was prepared to assign a legal guardian to her who would continue to look after her. Marie was taken off guard by the comment, as it was something she had not considered.
“No. Why would I want that? Why would I give away all my agency to someone else? I’m not a child. I’m not anyone’s daughter now. And I never intend to be again.”
“I understand, miss. These are difficult times for you. We will not bother you with important decisions right now anyway. We will wait to speak to Mr. Arnett about it.”
“Mr. Arnett?” Marie asked, genuinely taken aback that Philip would be expected to have a say in this matter.
“We will wait until you are married and everything is in its proper place. Everyone has assumed their proper roles. He is going to be responsible for you.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Marie answered, her body stiffening a little to deflect her injured pride.
“Are you prepared to speak to the factory workers? You have to announce your father’s death and that you are the new owner.”
“Yes, of course,” she said, although she most certainly was not.
* * *
On the day she was to give her speech, Marie’s hands were shaking all morning. She had known exactly how she was supposed to act at her father’s funeral. She had seen that kind of performance so many times before. And it came organically to her. She had seen any number of young women looking tragic and bereft at funerals. But she had never seen a young woman addressing a crowd of workers.
Because of her new position in life, she knew she had changed. But she could not see herself from the outside. She did not know what this change would look like. But other people would. It wasn’t the type of change you could see in the mirror. It was the type of change you had to see reflected back in other people’s faces.
Marie stood above the workers on the steel bridge over the factory floor. They were waiting on her word to see whether they were going to be able to eat or not. This was what power looked like. It was people looking up at you and hanging on your every word.
“As you all have heard, my father, Louis Antoine, recently passed away. He was a wonderful man, full of life and love, and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. But I want you to know that I possess and will uphold all of his best attributes. You might think it strange that a woman so young should now be the owner of this factory, your factory. I know I have much to learn, but I will learn it. And I would like to learn from you too. I have no family now, and I would like to think of you all as one. I want us to do great things together. And I want you to know I am here for all of you.”
The factory workers applauded. Marie felt a huge surge of love rise up from below her. It brought tears to her eyes.
She would order the factory foreman to be kinder to the workers and to give the children lunch breaks. Owning the factory had meant something different to her than it had to her father. For him it meant having a massive house and being able to purchase any delightful thing that crossed his mind. But for her it was about power and responsibility. She was this factory. It was her face on the bags of sugar that were being shipped all over the province.
She could not have a husband. She felt it, the disastrous import of what it would be like to be married. For most women, the realization came afterward. After the ceremony. After the leftover cake had been poked at by the fingers of children and was lying on the ground. After the bottoms of their stockings were stained with blood from dancing. After the pearl necklace had broken and had fallen on the floor. After you didn’t know whether what you experienced in the wedding bed had been pleasurable or painful. It happened when it was too late. Realizations enjoyed occurring when they were most effective and poignant and you could do nothing about them. It was the realization that you owned nothing. You were nothing. You had lost your rights to be a person.
It came upon her as she was standing above all her workers. Her whole body felt as though it were about to be robbed of something. If she had a husband, nobody would look at her the way they did now. They would instead divert all their questions to him. She would look at them looking at someone else. But they would never look her in the eye. She would start to become less and less visible. She would disappear layer by layer, like a painting being painted in reverse. She would become paler and paler. Then she would be nothing but a sketch on a paper. Then you would look and see nothing but the snow.
Philip would use this factory and her to become an important political figure, if not the most. He was going to take all this power from her. In the same way her father had from her mother. It belonged to the women in the family, not the men. She was not going to give this to Philip; she was not going to give it to anyone. She wanted it for herself.
Freedom and power were one and the same and were interchangeable. They came hand in hand.
* * *
Once a parent is dead, you find yourself recalling the advice they gave you. You remember ways you disappointed them, with a full awareness that you will never be able to make things right. Marie felt she had disappointed Louis by getting engaged to Philip. She went to kneel on his grave. She wrapped her arms around the gravestone. She kissed it all over.
“What can I do for you, Papa? How can I make you happy now? Remember how you said I was the thing that made you the most happy in all the world? How can I make you happy now? I’m not going to marry Philip. I will renounce my love for Sadie. I understand now. You expected more of me.”
Marie stood by the grave until the sun went down and it started to get colder and colder out. She knew it would be unacceptable behavior. She knew everyone in society would be appalled at her decision. She couldn’t break off an engagement; they had been walking together in public! But she would do it nonetheless.
After she left the graveyard, a deer with large antlers tiptoed through the tombstones like a maid carrying a candelabra through a dark hallway.
CHAPTER 22
The Violation