When We Lost Our Heads

Marie stood in the sea. She ran after the waves in her bare feet. The sea changed its mind about retreating. It turned around and came after her. The sand on the beach tried to hold on to the impression of her footprints for as long as possible after she left. She screamed when the water hit her ankles. It was colder than the snow in Canada. It had the feel of bottles striking up against her ankles. She kept looking down to see if there were bottle messages from Sadie. But there was nothing there but the pain the ocean caused. Then seaweed grabbed at her ankles as though mermaids were casting their nets to catch her.

In that seaside town, Louis purchased a pair of roller skates that moved on their own. You could stand perfectly still and they would whip you down the street, to the surprise of all your neighbors. He bought a glass booth with a fortune-teller inside that told you your weight and your future. He acquired a machine that made bubbles come out of it for seventeen hours straight.

Whenever he made an enormous purchase, he justified it by thinking he would be satisfied by this acquisition. He would never want anything again. Signing a check for an enormous sum sent a shot of adrenaline and excitement through his veins that made him feel intoxicated. He was overcome with a feeling of well-being. If someone were to stab him with a knife, he would not feel a thing. His body was anesthetized.



* * *





Pittsburgh proved to be nothing like the seaside town they had previously visited. The area the factory was built in was filthy. The sky was filled with black clouds. Marie kept feeling the urge to take out her umbrella to protect herself from an impending rainstorm. She felt her eyes burning. Everyone had been colored by the soot. She saw a white cat dart out from behind a building. She was certain by the time the cat returned, it would be black and unlucky.

There was a seven-year-old girl outside the factory wearing boots that were too big for her. She was coughing at the side of the building. She had a rag she was holding up to her mouth. The rag was filthy from all the dust in her lungs she had coughed up.

Louis was displeased by the state of the industrial district. He never liked being at a factory for longer than he had to. It distressed and depressed him. He held his hands over his ears to block out the pounding.

But Marie loved being near the factory. She liked the enormity of it. She felt her heart catching up or slowing down to the rhythm of the machines. She couldn’t hear anything for the rest of the day because of the thrumming it had caused in her ears. But she didn’t mind. She liked that she existed in a temporary realm of silence. She could then concentrate on all the marvels she had seen.



* * *





Marie asked to meet the children who worked at the factory in Pittsburgh. The little girls were lined up. One little girl was still very pretty despite having worked at the factory for three years. She couldn’t stop scratching her body, as she had contracted a bad case of scabies. Marie insisted at once a doctor be summoned to the factory to deal with all the children’s afflictions.

She wasn’t sure why the poor girls were too frightened to speak to her. Especially once she gave them license to do so. They still wouldn’t give her their secrets. She walked up to a girl whose blond hair was tied up in a messy bun on the side of her head. She was wearing fingerless gloves and smoking a cigarette. She had her shoulder blades against the wall, her hips jutting outward. This was a pose Marie had seen being struck by many working-class women. The most extraordinary thing about this girl was an enormous black eye. Because she was so pretty, Marie had a great yearning to kiss her face.

“Excuse me.”

“Yes.”

“May I ask you a question?”

“All right.”

“What happened to your eye?”

“I have no idea.”

“You must know.”

“I do. But I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”

“I will give you a coin if you tell me.”

The girl put out her gloved hand. There was a hole in the center of the glove into which the coin fit perfectly.

“I was having a spat with my brother. He was trying to take advantage of me.”

“Did he learn his lesson?”

“What do you think? Boys never learn anything, do they? They are always going to be stronger than us. That’s the nature of being a girl, isn’t it? You’re always at the mercy of the whole world.”

“I’m not.”

The girl shrugged. “You are though.” She tossed her cigarette on the ground and went inside.



* * *





Marie requested that Louis buy her a box of a hundred pink ribbons. She handed one to each of the girls who worked at the factory. Louis watched Marie. She was interested in the workings of the factory in a way he himself could never be. He found the machines at the factory very crude. They weren’t meant to evoke wonder, but to quickly manufacture tawdry goods he himself would neither use nor consume. Did a factory bestow delight on anybody? It found a way to manipulate human beings. There was a brutality he wanted to keep himself away from.

And the plight of the worker always made him feel so uncomfortable. It made him feel as though he might so easily be in their predicament. Marie’s mind never went to these places. She never conceived of herself as sharing the fates or feelings of the factory workers. He knew, watching her with the ribbons, her ability to chat with and smile at the workers (although it was a demonstration of sympathy) showed a total lack of empathy.



* * *





Marie realized there was only so much she could learn about the factory from the other children who worked there. So she turned to the owner of the factory for her inquiries. Marie knew there was a talent to asking questions. If you asked questions people didn’t enjoy answering, they would quickly tire of you. You had to ask questions that were prompts for a person to tell a story about themselves. They had to talk about things they loved. She was exceptionally good at this. She was a wonderful conversationalist.

She followed the factory owner through the plant. “Why do you have so many children working here?” she asked him. “Isn’t it a bad idea to hire children? I thought they were foolish.”

“They are my best workers. They cost half the price. They never think of striking on their own.”

“Does it matter to you whether the women you hire are ugly or pretty?”

“Either way, they both become pregnant and that slows them down.”

“Do you ever give them days off of work?”

“I let them go to funerals. They get so sad otherwise. They get distracted and end up getting themselves crushed in one of the machines.”

“Are you close to your workers?”

“Some of them spend their whole lives working here. That makes us a family of some sort.”

“Is this the only factory you own?”

“It isn’t impressive enough for you? You wanted bigger?”

“No, it’s incredible. But I heard you owned several factories.”

“I bought the sugar factories in the three neighboring cities. I don’t have competition that forces me to reduce the price of sugar. It’s an unfortunate business. But if you don’t keep buying and expanding, you will be consumed.”

Marie nodded, taking it all in. The factory owner looked her up and down, as though acknowledging to himself what a young woman she was.

“You will inherit your father’s factory. They will all come for you because you are a young woman. You will have to be more cutthroat than any man. Take them all down or they will take what is yours.”



* * *



Heather O'Neill's books