2 October 1976
He Tries to Answer Why
Fortunately in some ways, and unfortunately in others, Nat had been sentenced to a juvenile detention facility more than two and a half hours from Nathan’s home. The long drive was the discouraging factor. That and the fact that visitation was only allowed three times a week.
The good news to Nathan was that the place held no memories. And it held no one who harbored memories of him.
And several of the employees in the new facility were actually quite civil and kind. Like Roger, for example, the guard who supervised Nathan’s visits. On some occasions, Roger actually spoke to Nathan. As if Nathan were a friend.
And since Roger was often the only one to speak to Nathan on such visits, his kindness felt extremely welcome.
? ? ?
As had so often been the case over the previous year, the boy said nearly nothing during that day’s visit.
So, as had become Nathan’s habit, he took out a book and began reading to Nat. It seemed the logical way to solve a dilemma. To miss a visiting day was not a viable option. Nor was talking in monologue form, as if to himself or to a wall. And he certainly could not control the responses of another. Especially not this other.
And they couldn’t just stare at each other for an hour and a half.
Nathan guessed that perhaps Nat was having a hard time holding his own in this difficult environment. That perhaps he was learning he was not as tough as he’d previously thought. And that the situation was making him sullen. But Nat didn’t seem to care to discuss the matter. And Nathan remained unwilling to pry.
On this day, he read to Nat from the ideas and opinions of Albert Einstein.
He read the section about our inherent social structure as humans. How our actions and desires are inextricably bound up with the existence of other human beings.
When he paused to turn a page, Nat made his only comment for the day.
He said, “Thought this guy was supposed to be smart.”
“I think it’s a matter of provable record that Einstein was smart,” Nathan said.
Nat only snorted.
Then, undeterred, Nathan continued to read from Einstein’s writings until Roger signaled “Time’s Up” for the day.
? ? ?
Roger looked up and smiled as he buzzed Nathan through the security door.
“Think it helps to read to him like that?”
“Well,” Nathan said. “I read somewhere that it helps to read to a patient in a coma. So, in comparison, I suppose my patient is more responsive than that.”
Roger laughed. A bit longer and harder than necessary.
Then he said, “I’d say you’re the patient one. Driving all this way. Three times a week. Just like clockwork. I could set my watch by you.”
“Does that seem remarkable?” Nathan asked.
“Oh, boy. You have no idea. Most of these kids, their parents probably live no more than twenty minutes from here, and they’re lucky to get a few minutes a month. Or unlucky, as the case may be.”
“Somebody had to break the unfortunate parental stereotype,” Nathan said. “I still don’t think it seems all that remarkable.”
“It does when you consider he barely knew you three days before he got himself in custody.”
“No,” Nathan said. “I’ve known him all his life.”
Roger lifted his eyebrows slightly. “He’s lying, then?”
“Not lying. He sees it differently than I do. But I’m not his father or grandfather.”
“I know. I heard about it. I know we’re not supposed to know stuff like that, but word gets around. I’m not trying to invade your privacy, believe me. But I just wondered.”
Nathan could feel a sort of leaning-in on the part of this man, and realized quite suddenly that Roger had been burning to ask questions and make comments for some time. But he had been careful not to overstep his bounds, which Nathan respected. And which made Nathan kindly disposed toward answering.
Roger continued. “It’s just such an unusual situation. It’s pretty rare when something like that even happens around here. So I’m just kind of curious about it, you know? But with no disrespect intended. It just makes you wonder about the ripples that go out from that one act. Is it because you saved his life? Because I heard once of some Eastern religion whose devotees believed if you save someone’s life, you’re forever responsible for his soul. Or was that the American Indians?”
“No matter,” Nathan said. “Since I don’t believe a word of it, anyway.”
“Why, then?” Roger asked. He seemed sincerely curious. He appeared to hang on the dead air between the question and the answer. Nathan was willing to believe it was personal curiosity. He did not expect Roger to turn his reply into jailhouse gossip. He hoped he would not be disappointed. “Why the remarkable commitment?”
“Why not?” Nathan asked. “What else have I done with my life that’s remarkable?”