A part of me delighted in the words, knowing that he’d been drawn to me as quickly as I had to him. But the other part of me craved my freedom and didn’t want to go straight from one man’s authority to another.
“I made my choice, but I made it thinking I would gain a partner. Not a keeper. You need to find a way to claim me without turning into a beast and risking our place here,” I said, continuing down the tunnel. He walked at my side, his fingers brushing against mine in the same way they had that day in the barn when we’d lain side by side in the straw.
“You are my partner, my star. You own me just as much as I own you.”
“We need to stay here. We aren’t safe anywhere else. There has to be a way to lay our claims without risking expulsion for violence,” I mused thoughtfully. We fell into silence as we continued the way Caelum had led us.
I didn’t know where we were going. Only that I would follow him anywhere.
30
Caelum guided us through the tunnels, emerging into the caves above the lower levels as we walked quickly. “I don’t think we should be up here again so soon,” I said, thinking of the warding that wouldn’t protect us outside the tunnels.
“Just for a little while,” Caelum said, heading for the light shining in through the cave entrance carved into the side of the mountain. We emerged into the sun, facing the ocean that surrounded the Kingdom. The water crashed onto the shore far below, the rocks and sand heaving with the force of the turbulent waters on this side of the Kingdom.
The ocean in Mistfell was hidden beyond the Veil itself, obscured from view. I’d never actually seen the waves strike against the shore, the force of them battering into the Kingdom.
The water all around the Kingdom faded into the mist, the wall of haze blocking everything else from view, but the sight of the water itself was enough to make melancholy flash through me, the loss of my brother feeling closer than ever.
The last time I’d seen sand had been when I’d stumbled through it trying to find him on the beach.
Sometimes, it was easy to forget the life I’d left behind. Easy to pretend it wasn’t my past at all, because the urgency of my new life was so different from that simple world, where my greatest concern was a man who wanted things he shouldn’t from me.
I turned away from the water, my brother’s words flashing in my mind. I would have to die before I ever allowed the Fae to take me; my brother’s instructions for me had been clear. There’d been something else in his warning, something more menacing than I dared to even consider.
Caelum had convinced me that there was a reason to live, but he’d have to understand that I was better off dead than in Alfheimr, if the time ever came.
Pressing my face into his chest, I couldn’t bear to look at the water any longer. Couldn’t bear to stare at it and wonder if the tide had swept Brann out to sea and left him somewhere nearby.
The part of me that would always search for him wanted to scour the rocks below for any signs of a body, but I knew well enough to know that I wouldn’t find him.
I’d never see him again.
“I miss my family,” I murmured, feeling tears sting my eyes. I missed my mother and wondered if she was alright and being treated well in our absence. I missed the brother who had died trying to save me from a life of misery.
I missed the father they’d killed while I was a girl.
Caelum gripped the back of my neck gently, squeezing his fingers ever-so-slightly until he was able to pull my face out of his chest and stare down at my tear-streaked cheeks, as if he wanted to eradicate the very things that had hurt me.
He brushed a thumb over the falling tear, wiping it away as he pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’m your family now,” he said gently, the words soothing a small part of me that felt like a lone ship lost in the mist and floating without a destination.
I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t the same, that we would never truly be family to one another; not when we could be taken at any moment, and the thought of leaving a child behind was unfathomable. I couldn’t make myself say the words, though, wanting to sink into his assertion and believe in the distantly happy, if delusional, picture.
Even if just for a little while.
“I love you, my star. I think I’ve loved you since you put a knife to my throat. Nothing will ever change that,” he murmured, the words lighting something inside me aflame with a cold fire. They were impossible, but I couldn’t deny the way I felt in return.
“Melian says it isn’t possible for us to love anyone but our mates, because being Marked changed us,” I said, staring back at him. Giving him the opportunity to take back the words, even while I prayed he meant them.
I couldn’t imagine my life without him after only a few short weeks with him at my side, our bond ingrained in me so fully that I didn’t know who I would be without him anymore.
Caelum lowered his body down the wall outside the cave, taking me with him as he sat and leaned against it. Staring out at the water and pulling my head into his shoulder, he seemed to revel in the feeling of the sun on his skin and the freedom that came from being outside the tunnels.
“I have no doubt that Melian believes what she says,” Caelum said, taking my hand in his and lifting it to touch where his heart beat in his chest. “But I promise you, my heart beats for you.”
My resolve crumbled, falling around us as I stared into those obsidian eyes until the moment his lips touched mine. He kissed me softly, gently, as if I was the only thing precious in his world.
But I couldn’t say the words back yet, even though they resonated within me. To admit my love was to give him power over me, the power to hurt me, and I wasn’t ready for that last step just yet; not after enduring so much pain the last few weeks and so much I still didn’t know about him.
He pulled back, smiling down at me knowingly, not waiting for me to say the words back to him. “We have all the time in the world, Little One,” he said, settling in to feel the sun on his face.
“Will you tell me more about your life before the Veil dropped?” I asked, feeling like the question might give him the opportunity to open up to me more. If he could do that, then maybe I would be able to let go of the unrelenting fear that he would hurt me.
If I could know him, maybe I could let myself love him.
“What do you want to know?” he asked, his body stiffening for a moment before he forced it to relax. He shifted his legs, getting more comfortable, and I knew without a doubt that talking about his life wasn’t something he would do readily.
Everything I wanted to know about him, I would have to pry out of him with probing questions. “Anything. Did you have any siblings?” I asked, watching as he flinched.