Chapter Thirteen
Hudson couldn’t believe that Rachel had actually left. The whole weekend had gone nuclear and he didn’t have a clue how to fix it. All he wanted was to make her feel wanted and desired, yet somehow they had hemmed her in and made her feel claustrophobic and paranoid. So she ran as fast as her sexy slim legs and black cowboy boots could carry her, right out of their lives. It was a disaster.
Now Parker was pissed, Sawyer was sulking, and Rogan was…well…Rogan was in a daze on the front porch staring down the road in the direction that Zoey’s car had taken Rachel. Hudson wasn’t sure what his own reaction was. He felt like someone had shoved a fist into his chest and yanked out his heart by brute force. A lonely sense of abandonment filled his stomach, and when he caught a glimpse of himself in the side-mirror on the car, all he saw was a vast nothingness in his own eyes. He was nothing without Rachel. They were nothing without her.
In a strange way, this whole weekend had sealed the deal for him in terms of who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had absolutely no doubts about his choice, but knowing she had doubts was killing him.
After she left, Hudson sat in the kitchen at the dining room table thinking back through the entire weekend, and wondered if there was anything they might have done differently to give her more security.
Ultimately, he gave in and popped the top on a can of beer before he headed into the back bedroom where the five of them had spent the last couple of hours in sexual euphoria. Ropes still hung from the bedposts, and lying at the foot of the bed on the floor, was a shiny silver belt buckle in the shape of a star. It winked at him, teasing him with what might have been, and he had to swallow back the burn of tears behind his eyelids.
As he picked it up and slid it into his pocket, a sense of determination began building in his gut. Rachel was his woman. She might not completely understand it yet, but she wasn’t going to find it easy to just walk away from the Brooks brothers without a backwards glance.
Within minutes he was in his truck and headed into town, a plan already formulating in his brain. This love story wasn’t over yet.
****
After hours at Zoey’s place moping and moaning about her heartache, her best friend had done what only a good best friend could do. She kicked Rachel out and told her she was being stupid.
Of course, Rachel didn’t listen, and chose to go home instead of driving herself back to Brooks Pastures. She wasn’t willing to risk getting hurt by those four men, even if Zoey thought she had found her soul mates. There was just too much at stake.
However, seeing a bouquet of white lilies waiting for her on the porch, along with a tiny white envelope, left her feeling like a heel for the hurt she was causing the four of them. If there was any way to avoid it, she would, but in this particular situation, she had to choose between protecting her own heart and protecting theirs.
The note was simple, and hand written. It said, “Rachel, We’ll be here when you’re ready. Love, Hudson.”
It was kerosene to the flames of sorrow already burning inside of her. Hudson. Sweet, kind, gentle Hudson somehow understood she left because she was scared. It meant more to her than she could have verbalized, and it was a good thing no one else was around because the tears began flowing like a river again.
She spent the rest of the day torn between tears and determination. Space and time. That was what she needed to let go the weekend, and forge ahead into the future. If there was an easier way, she would have gladly jumped on it, but the only thing she felt she could do was pretend like nothing had happened. Zoey was the only one that knew about the weekend’s antics, and that was how Rachel wanted it to be.
Except that every couple of days, she received a new little reminder from them. There were lilies the first day, a bottle of bubble bath in her mailbox on Thursday, a bag of SweeTarts showed up on her desk at work the following week, and so on and so on. The only note she ever received was the one from Hudson that Sunday afternoon, but she knew he had a big hand in the other gifts.
Each time she found a new surprise her resolve weakened, but yesterday was the kicker. When she got home from work there was a small gift bag tied to the front door handle. Inside she found a tiny pink box that held the most delicate silver charm bracelet. There were only four charms dangling from the pretty links, a silver heart, a cowboy hat, a pair of handcuffs, and a teddy bear. Her heart had nearly burst out of her chest as she took in the four reminders. One for each man, and each with more significance than they probably even knew.
It was time to admit to herself that loved them more than she could possibly have anticipated. She wanted to be with them, but she had no idea how to take back what she had said, much less what she had done. It was her call to walk away from them, and they were leaving it in her court to come back. If only they understood how hard that was.
****
Two solid months of misery later, Rachel sat in her office with an uneaten handful of saltine crackers next to her computer monitor, and a diet ginger ale in her hand while she waited for her mom to log on to Skype. She spoke with her mom weekly, and every week she had been purposely vague about her love life, so as not to rouse her suspicions. Now, there was no more avoiding it. It was time to make the biggest announcement of her life to her mom.
Rachel was pregnant. There was no denying the four over-the-counter pregnancy tests she had taken, or the doctor’s blood test, which assured her she would be having a baby next winter. Her worst nightmare had come true, and she didn’t know what to do now.
Her stomach twisted and turned, and she had been nauseous almost since the moment she walked out the door of the Brooks brothers house, so she hadn’t realized she had missed her period until just last week. All of her focus had been on avoiding facing any of the four brothers, but now she had to face the reality in front of her, and she had to tell them.
She had pleaded with the doctor to explain how her birth control had failed, only to get a shrug and, “Sometimes, these things just happen.” Now, just as she had feared, she had no idea which brother was the father.
There was no way they would want her now. Not when she had rejected them so soundly, and ignored all of their little gifts. She would be lucky if they even acknowledged she was breathing, much less that she carried one of their offspring.
The tinkling sound of her computer drew her back into the real world as her mother came online.
“Hi, sweetheart!”
“Hi, Mama.”
“Oh, baby girl, I’ve missed you.”
“I miss you too, Mama.”
“You look tired, are you working too hard down there? Maybe you should take a vacation and come up to Oklahoma to visit me.”
Rachel snorted out a laugh, “You know I wish I could, Mama, but if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I do miss you like crazy though. I actually have some news.”
Her mother instantly looked suspicious, and her eyes narrowed. Rachel would have laughed if the situation weren’t so serious. “Is this about that Mitch ass-hole? Is he bothering you again?”
“No, I’ve told you before that Mitch and I are through. He seems very happy with Connie, and I’m very happy to let her have him. Actually, I haven’t spoken to him in a couple of months.”
“Okay, so if it’s not guy trouble—”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t guy trouble.”
“Aha! So there is a man in your life! I knew you were hiding something. You’ve been acting strangely ever since you and Mitch split up. Who is it?”
“Do you remember the Brooks family?”
“Brooks Pastures, of course I remember them. I went to school with Susan Brooks. It was terrible when she got sick and died, and then John died shortly after. They had four sons didn’t they? Which one are you seeing?”
Rachel set the can of soda down and stared at it, trying to figure out the right words.
“Rachel? What is it honey?”
“Mom, I actually have seen all four of them.”
To her surprise her mother laughed, “Good for you! I was worried about you after Mitch was such an ass-hole. I’m not sure I would have chosen to sneak around with four brothers though.”
“No, Mama, you don’t understand. I slept with all four of them, at once. It’s a long story, but they asked me out to their ranch for a weekend of wild and crazy sex, and I was lost and hurting after yet another shitty end to a shitty relationship, so I said yes, and it was amazing, but now…”
“But now?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Her mother’s face fell, and she froze in place. After a few seconds, Rachel actually tapped the computer mouse thinking that somehow the computer had frozen.
“Mama, did you hear me? I’m pregnant.”
“I heard. I just don’t know what to say. I want to congratulate you, because a baby is a blessing but, Rachel, sweetheart, you’re so young, and I’m so far away, and wait a second…whose baby is it?”
Rachel just shook her head as tears finally spilled down her cheeks. They were the first tears she had let loose since the day she left the four brothers behind, and they felt horribly good.
“Well this is quite a conundrum. What did they say when you told them?”
“I haven’t yet. I don’t know how.”
“Oh, baby, I wish I could be there to hold your hand and help you through it, but this is something only you can handle. If they were just a weekend fling and they don’t want any part of this baby’s life, then you will just pack up and move up here with me, and I’ll help you raise him or her.”
“I can’t do that, Mama. My career is here in Texas, and besides, they knew there was a chance when we realized we had forgotten the condom. No, I have to face the music and tell them. I just haven’t worked up the courage.”
Her mother was silent for several beats.
“Whatever you decide to do, baby, just know that I love you, and I will support you. If you need to come up here and lie low for a bit I have a spare bedroom.”
“Thank you, Mama. I love you, too.”
“I have to go, sweetheart, but call me as soon as you’ve told them. Okay?”
Rachel nodded, and waved at her mom before the video screen clicked off. The moment she was alone in the silence of her office she let the leaky dam burst and she cried all of her fear and shame out onto her desk.
Just like her mother, she was alone with a child and walked a precarious line of indecision. Her mother had known about her father’s affair for months before he admitted it. Firmly believing he would give up on the tramp he was seeing and come back to his family. When he didn’t, it ruined both her and her mother’s lives. If the guys decided they didn’t want anything to do with Rachel and the baby…well at the moment that was just unimaginable.
Her phone rang, and she reached for it, pleased to see Zoey’s name pop up.
“Hey, Zoey.”
“Uh oh, did it go that badly? Is your mom pissed?”
Rachel laughed a little, “No, in fact she was very supportive. Concerned for the baby and me, but supportive. She offered to let me move in with her.”
“What? You can’t go to Oklahoma!”
Now Rachel chuckled a little. “I’m not. She just offered, which was very sweet of her considering she’s in a two bedroom place that’s barely big enough for her, much less her daughter and a baby.”
“So, if she was supportive, why are you crying, Ray?”
Rachel held her breath for a moment, thinking about it. Zoey was as close as a sister to her. They shared all of their secrets, and Rachel had been completely honest with her about why she had been at the Brooks brother’s ranch, without going into too much detail about her sexual escapades.
“What if they don’t want us, Zoey?”
Zoey’s laughter filled her ears, and Rachel frowned at the phone. “Girl, those four have been moping around like wounded animals for two months! They show up everywhere they think you will be, ask everyone about you, leave messages on your phone, send flowers to your door, and otherwise beg you to give them a chance. I love you, Ray, but what the fu-ck is wrong with you?”
Rachel flinched like Zoey had just smacked her in the face. “Excuse me?”
“Rachel Lia Morgan. You are an intelligent woman, and you have found not one, but four amazing men who want to love you and care for you, why are you ruining it for yourself?”
“They could break my heart…”
“And the pope could wear a pink tutu for the Easter service, and Brad Pitt could suddenly shave his head and move to Tibet to become a monk, but none of those scenarios are logical or likely, so again I ask, what is your fu-cking problem? You’re talking yourself out of the best thing you’ve ever had in front of you, because you’re afraid of your father.”
“He left me, Zoey. If he can walk away from his wife and child to create a whole new family, then why wouldn’t these four guys do the same? I barely survived daddy leaving, and every guy I’ve dated has hurt me by walking away from me—”
“Pfft. Have you ever considered that maybe you pushed them away?”
That stopped Rachel in her tracks and she fell silent.
“Rachel, you have been running from commitment ever since we were kids. Just once, trust your gut and give these guys a chance! I’m not saying you have to marry them, I’m just saying, be honest with them and give them a chance to decide what they want.”
Zoey was so right that it irked Rachel, and she refused to respond. Childish, and immature, but damn it she didn’t like being wrong. Just because she was pregnant, didn’t mean she had to make a long-term decision about her relationship with the guys, and it was still possible they would choose to walk away, right?
Ending her phone call with Zoey, she stiffened her spine and called Rogan.
****
Rogan was dying inside. He and his brothers had walked around like zombies for almost two months hoping Rachel would change her mind, but she hadn’t. In fact, she had avoided them all at every turn. Phone calls went straight to voicemail, when they showed up at her office she had her secretary blow them off and hurry them out the door telling them she was at some forgotten ‘meeting'.
It was painfully obvious she was just as broken up as they were. She had lost weight, and her eyes had a shadowed, haunted look he had never seen before. When she had spotted him watching her at the diner, she had turned away, and quickly asked for her meal to be boxed up. He hated knowing she was afraid of them in any way. It made him feel like shit.
Hudson hadn’t told them about the gifts he was sending her until last week. That was when he had the idea to give her the charm bracelet. He thought if they sent something with more meaning behind it, it just might be enough to crack the icy shell she had built around herself. Rogan never expected it to work when he selected the tiny cowboy hat charm, but right now, he sent up a prayer of thanks for Hudson’s brilliance.
Until today, he had nearly given up hope they would be able to get back on the right path with her, but today, Rachel had left a message on their home answering machine. She sounded upset, but her voice still managed to make Rogan’s cock hard in his jeans. He hadn’t even waited to tell his brothers she had called. He had just picked up the phone and called her back immediately.
She was short with him, but she asked him if she could come to talk to the four of them tonight. It was perfect. They would be able to get her to sit still long enough to hash this whole relationship out, and this time chivalry be damned, he was keeping her until she listened.
Rushing out to the barn to tell Parker the news, he sent Sawyer and Hudson a 911-text message. Parker was knee deep in manure when Rogan found him, but he seemed to sense the urgency and dropped his shovel instantly.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Rachel, she called and wants to come over tonight to talk. To talk to all of us.”
A myriad of emotions crossed Parker’s face, and Rogan waited patiently for his reaction. His eyes finally hardened into deep brown pools of pain. “Great, so she’s coming to get our hopes up and kick us in the nuts again. Fabulous.”
“You don’t know that, Parker. Maybe she has been pining away for us too, or maybe she found out she’s dying and she needs one of us to donate a freaking kidney. For God’s sake, don’t fu-ck this up because you’ve got your panties in a wad.”
Parker’s temper flared at the insult. “fu-ck you, Rogan. She. Left. Us. Not the other way around. We gave her everything, laid it all out on the table, and she still left. She knew how we felt about her and she still fu-cking ran.”
Rogan silently glared at his brother, absorbing his words and his pain like a sponge. He hadn’t realized how hurt Parker had been by Rachel’s leaving until this moment. Parker had remained stoic for the most part, acting as though the whole thing had been intended to be temporary. Now, his armor was finally cracking, and Rogan was shocked to find a bleeding heart underneath.
“Parker, did you ever once tell her you loved her?”
Nostrils flaring, Parker nearly growled his answer out, “No. I showed her.”
“Well I didn’t either, and sometimes words are necessary. Maybe this time instead of fu-cking her into oblivion, we try being honest and admit we’re head over heels in love with her.”
“Fine, you tell her whatever the fu-ck you want, but I’m not sure I’ll have much to say.”
Rogan snorted at Parker, “Yeah, right. Mr. Dominant always has something to say. Think of it this way, Parker, if she’s coming back to ask for our forgiveness, maybe you’ll get a chance to spank her ass for leaving in the first place.”
Parker’s lips lifted in an evil grin, and Rogan laughed out loud as he left the barn and Parker to his wicked thoughts.