TORRIN WALKS ME HOME, as he’s done every day for the last month. Though now it feels as though he’s always been by my side, we only became friends about six weeks ago. Before that, he was part of Havard’s group, just another face in the crowd of my tormentors.
I remember vividly the day everything changed. Havard thought to gang up on me with the help of his best friends, Kol, Siegert, and Torrin. But instead of siding with Havard, Torrin helped me fight them off. Afterward, Torrin begged my forgiveness for playing the part he had the last several years. He said that as our trial had grown closer, he’d given some serious thought to what it means to be a warrior. “It never sat right with me—the way Havard treats you,” he said, “but rather than face what I believed to be wrong, I did the easy thing. I don’t want to be that kind of man. I know it’s too late to take back what I’ve done, but I’d like to start changing now. I hope you can forgive me for the past.”
I didn’t think I was the forgiving type. I didn’t think I believed people could change. But as I watched Torrin start living his life separate from Havard, I started to become closer to him. For the first time, I had a friend. Someone who didn’t hate me for what I couldn’t control, for being my father’s daughter.
Now Torrin gently touches my cheek where Havard struck me. “We need to get this looked at right away.”
I’m torn. I want to shrug him off because I don’t need him fussing over me. He would never treat a male warrior this way. And yet, I don’t want him to stop touching me.
“Irrenia will do it when she gets home,” I say.
“Even with the cut, you’re still lovely. How do you manage that?”
Lovely.
I have received praise for being brave and strong, for having impressive aim, for holding my ax properly.
But no one has ever praised my looks.
A blossoming warmth spreads inside my chest, traveling upward. It envelops the pulsing sting in my cheek.
I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to something like that. How do women handle such praise? Saying thank you doesn’t seem right. Especially when I don’t agree.
Thankfully, Torrin saves me from having to respond. “I overheard some of the trainees talking about sneaking out tonight to witness the Payment. Do you want to go? Not with them, obviously. With me. Separately.” He takes his hand back, and we continue walking toward my home. He moves slightly closer to me so that our arms brush as we walk. It’s such a subtle change, but I notice, as if he’d bounded into me headlong.
At this point, I’m convinced I would do anything as long as it means spending more time with him.
“Sure.” I try to sound as though I couldn’t care either way. I hope he doesn’t realize just how good it feels for me to be around him. While I’m almost certain he feels the same way I do, it’s impossible to tell for sure. But why else would he look for reasons to touch me? Why would he try to spend as much time as possible with me outside of training?
But if he does like me, then why hasn’t he kissed me yet? Maybe he is just as nervous as I am. Maybe it’s his first experience with courtship, just as it is mine. I’ve never seen him with another girl.
We pass through the streets of Seravin. Homes made from rock slabs line either side of the street. The gray-black stones have been painted over with deep azures and muted greens—the colors of the sky and sparse grass that breaks through the rocks. To the right, a cart is being heaped with chunks of meat to be presented for the Divine Payment. Two nocerotis, large beasts with sleek hides and two horns jutting out of the tops of their heads, are attached to the front, ready to pull once smacked on their hindquarters. Children, too young to begin training for a specific trade, play a game of pebbles in front of their homes.
And all the while Torrin’s fingers are inching closer toward mine.
“I hope this year’s Payment doesn’t require us to skip meals again,” he says as he watches hunters layer more and more valder into the cart. Each one is the length of two handspans and has enough meat to fill a small family. “There were several times during training last year that I thought I would pass out.”
My chest tightens at those words. Peruxolo, the low god, demands payment each year. He collects different resources from every village. Ours is responsible for providing him with the best game. Our hunters are the most skilled of all the nearby villages. Even still, there is not always enough meat to go around.
Sometimes the Payment is so great that some in the village must go without food for days at a time. Parents and older siblings, like Torrin, skip meals so the younger ones can fill their bellies. Because of who my father is, my sisters and I have never had to go hungry. Other families are not so lucky.
Hunger is a better fate than facing Peruxolo’s wrath, but I still feel sick to think of people starving.
“You will not go hungry during this Payment, Torrin,” I say as I take his hand in mine. “I will make sure you and your brothers are fed each mealtime. My family always has more than enough food.”
Torrin turns toward me, a peculiar expression upon his face. Confusion? Guilt? No, perhaps just surprise?
“You would do that for my family?”
“Of course I would.” His intent eyes make my insides squirm. I try to lighten the air. “Because I don’t want to be seen with you if you don’t keep up your impressive physique.”
He laughs, and the action makes me smile in return.
We’ve reached my home now, and Torrin releases my hand. I try to keep from frowning until I realize his face is approaching mine.
This is it, I think as my heart begins racing. He’s going to kiss me.
And he does.
On the cheek.
I don’t break eye contact as he pulls away. Maybe if I just look at him longingly, he’ll see what I want and he won’t be afraid to give it to me.
He looks back at me, his eyes deepening again. I think he might be reading my mind.
“I’ll pick you up tonight outside your window so we can witness the Payment. I can’t wait.” He rubs his thumb against my lips before departing.
But it’s still not a real kiss.
* * *
I NEARLY FALL OUT of bed when knuckles rap against my bedroom window. Of course, I’ve been expecting Torrin, but I’m not used to sneaking out at night. I may be excited, but perhaps a bit anxious as well.
I’ve never left the boundaries of the village before.
When I rise and go to the window, Torrin has his face squished against the glass and is making a funny face.
My lips tilt in a smile as I open the window.
“Ready?” he whispers.
“Yes.” I grab my ax—a sharp blade meant to do damage, not a training weapon—from beside the window and sling it through the strap on my back. Then I lift myself through the window one leg at a time.
Torrin doesn’t waste any time at all lacing his fingers through mine. My home is among those at the edge of the village boundaries, so it isn’t long before we are in the wild. We take the rough terrain at a steady jog.
Everything in the wild is dangerous, including the ground, which is composed of broken-up rocks teetering against one another. It’s difficult to find even footing. Any step could result in a twisted ankle, and rockslides are frequent. Though a more traversable road wends through the wild, we can’t risk taking it, else we might be seen by the adults tasked with delivering the meat to the god.
We have to give the inna trees a wide berth. Their branches grow to a couple feet in length and naturally sharpen into deadly points that can pierce through our armor if we aren’t careful.
As we walk, a lonely valder blurs across our path. As soon as I blink, it’s already moved on. The valder are our main source of meat, but they run so fast, they’re easy to miss. Our hunters are trained to be quick with their throwing hatchets—the only weapons that can be thrown fast enough and hard enough to catch them. I’m shocked to find one so close to the village. It’s as if it knows it’s not in danger now that all the meat has already been collected for the Payment.
As we veer around another tree, a distant cackle carries to us on the wind.