20—ON THE HUNT
“If you notice, it has a patio that has an amazing view of the city,” the relator said.
It took me a solid week of talking Lana into apartment hunting before she agreed. I had instantly made an appointment to look at a few apartments. Lana canceled that appointment, coming up with a lame excuse as to why she couldn’t make it.
It wasn’t that easy this time around. Max was here. He left work early to apartment hunt with us. He was still dressed in his work clothes: black dress pants, oxford shirt. His tie was loosened and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He scanned everything with a critical eye. His eyebrows were creased. His jaw was set. My heart stuttered and stopped, creating its own new rhythm as I watched him. It wasn’t the way he looked that made me react this way, it was his concern. His determination to make sure that Lana was safe. It was a huge turn on. I had to stop myself from reaching out, grabbing him by his tie and dragging him close to me.
Lana scanned the empty living room. Her eyes took in everything. I could see her picturing how she would decorate this place, if it were hers. And there was no reason why this apartment couldn’t be hers.
It was cozy. With just two bedrooms, a small kitchen with new appliances and an attached island. The living room was a good size. The walls were painted a shade of ivory and the floors were hardwood.
Yet the one thing that was most important to Lana was the location.
Location, location, location. She needed safety and a sense of security. This apartment had just that.
“What do you think?” the realtor asked Max. It didn’t take the realtor long to figure out he would be the one to pass everything through.
Max didn’t answer. He looked at Lana, waiting for her to answer.
She trailed her finger across the wall. “Can I think about it for a moment?”
I frowned and moved away from the wall. What was she doing? I wanted to say something right then but I didn’t.
The realtor smiled politely and said of course before she stepped out of the apartment.
Max looked at Lana, his impatience showing, and followed the realtor. I wanted to come to Lana’s rescue and tell Max that it was already a lot for Lana to come here today. In fact, I was stunned that I even got her to go.
When I brought the subject up, she told me to go look around for her, but I stayed firm. I told her that she needed to see the apartment, with her own eyes. This wasn’t something that I could do for her. It had to be her decision. I could see the small optimism in her eyes, and I knew she was picturing what it would be like to actually thrive. Away from her parents and her dark past.
I told her that I would make sure to be with her. I told her that Max would be there too. That, out of everything, made her hesitate.
“Still with him?” she had asked.
I frowned. “Yeah. Why?”
She never answered me, but I could see the unanswered question in her eyes: Lachlan.
We hadn’t talked about him in weeks, but he still hovered around me, following me wherever I went. I tried my best to pretend he wasn’t there, but lately he was getting harder and harder to ignore.
This was the fourth apartment we saw today. Lana would find something wrong each time. The first one didn’t have a quality lock. The second one had a questionable stench in the stairwell. The third one was in a dangerous neighborhood.
She was trying to find something wrong with this one. I could see her mind frantically trying to think of something.
She walked out onto the deck and stared at the view. I followed her. We were surrounded by high-rise buildings. There was a small park across the street that still gave this part of town a family vibe. The streets weren’t busy. This area was safe and quiet.
In other words, it was perfect for Lana.
“Do you really think it’s nice?” I asked.
“I do.”
I spread my hands out in front of me. “This view will be all yours then!”
Lana snorted. “Yeah. Right. Do they take Monopoly money as payment?” she asked wearily.
“The rent isn’t too much.”
Lana just looked at me.
“Okay,” I drew out. “It’s a lot expensive. But Max will help out.”
“No. That’s not happening,” Lana said firmly. “I don’t have charity case written across my forehead.”
I crossed my arms and leaned against the railing. I settled into the role I knew best: the friend who was supportive no matter what. “You’re not a charity case,” I said. “You could pay him back later on.”
“I’d rather get a loan.”
“Then get a loan!” I said anxiously. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable is what you need to do.” I paused and looked at her carefully. “What is your gut telling you?”
She chewed on her bottom lip, staring at the street below us. “That this place is perfect.”
“Then listen to your gut. Your gut is totally right!” I smiled.
“I don’t even know where to start or what to do.”
“You can get a job lined up,” I said. “I’ll find you one. Or maybe you could try college again. You could start out slowly. One or two classes and if it goes all right, you can move up from there.”
I saw the hope in her eyes. She wanted to believe that every word I said was the truth.
I looked at the kids playing on the swings. Their squeals of delight could be heard all the way from up here. Lana watched them too, with a sad, wistful expression.
“This can become a reality, you know,” I said quietly.
“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of. What if I screw this up?”
I frowned.
She exhaled loudly and looked away. “I mean, right now I’m okay. But what happens at night, when I’m all alone? All I know is miles away.” She leaned close. “I don’t know what freedom is.”
I swallowed and looked her straight in the eye. “I will do everything to make sure this works out for you,” I vowed. “Lana, you’re so much stronger than you think.”
Her lips quivered.
“Nothing can stand in your way,” I said.
She glanced at me. Doubt was written across her face.
“Nothing,” I uttered slowly.
The front door opened. Lana and I both turned as Max walked inside. He tucked his hands into his pants. Both eyebrows were raised as he looked at us. “So?”
I gave her a pointed look, wordlessly encouraging her to tell him the truth. I knew she wanted to take this step forward, but she was so scared. Her hands were shaking as she glanced over at the park and I could see her imagining her life here.
Say yes, say yes, say yes, I pleaded in my head.
She finally looked at me and nodded before she turned to Max. “It’s perfect.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
His lips parted into a devastating smile. “Really?”
“Really,” she said.
The realtor smoothly walked back into the room and smiled brightly. She knew a sale when she saw one. “Well, what do you think?” she asked Max.
He tapped the wall once and turned his charming smile onto the realtor. “Where do we sign?”
The realtor blushed and walked over to her briefcase. I think if he flashed that smile one more time Lana could get a few months of rent for free.
While they went into details about the contract and when would be a good day to sign, I walked over to Lana, mouthing the word yay and lifted both hands up in victory.
That hope in her eyes, the one that was barely noticeable earlier, was starting to spread, making her eyes shine brightly.
I stopped worrying about the big stuff and just enjoyed right now.
Everything was starting to look up.