Adam didn’t feel the need to clarify for anybody which list he referred to.
“These pieces of shit really are everywhere,” Noah said, voice sounding a bit hollow.
“Did Gary seem suspicious tonight?” Adam finally thought to ask.
Noah shook his head. “No more than usual. He interrogated me about the backpack again. I asked him about the cabin.”
Adam cut his eyes to Noah, mouth forming a hard line as his pulse picked up. “That was dangerous.”
Noah shrugged. “I was subtle about it. He claims he sold it years ago, that it belonged to his father. But I think he’s fucking lying. I think he still owns it.”
“How many of them do you remember?” Avi asked Noah.
“What?” Noah mumbled, turning to glance at Avi once more.
“The men. How many do you remember? Four? Ten? Thirty?”
Adam heard Noah swallow audibly and wanted to tell his brother to back off and shut the hell up, but Noah needed to decide if he wanted to answer or not. He made the rules outside the bedroom, that was what Adam had promised.
When Noah did finally speak, his voice was strained. “I don’t remember exactly. I don’t want to,” he clarified, as if he thought they might suggest he dig deeper into his memories. “My father and Gary definitely…touched me…but there were also men who watched. Two or three of them. I have nightmares about hands on me. Voices giving instructions. I think if I see their faces, I can probably tell you who…participated.”
“Besides, even if these men didn’t touch Noah, they definitely touched somebody else’s kids. They deserve whatever happens next,” Adam said.
“Did Calliope have anything helpful to add?” Asa asked, voice droll.
Only that Noah might not be Wayne’s son and could potentially have a whole other family out there. Part of Adam wanted to forget all about that. To just pretend he didn’t know it. If Noah had a real family out there, he might leave Adam behind. But he wasn’t that selfish. He wouldn’t deny Noah a chance to know a real family. But he also wasn’t going to get his hopes up. He’d get the DNA sample from him first, then tell him if there was something to tell.
“We’ll figure out who did this and we’ll make them pay,” Adam promised.
“Yeah, I know,” Noah said, turning to give him a reassuring smile.
“Well, when you do figure it out, we want in,” Asa said.
Adam didn’t answer. He had no problem with his brothers helping and would likely need them if there were several child abusers as Noah suspected.
*
They dropped the twins at their place before heading to Adam’s. Noah didn’t talk much once they were gone, just fidgeted in the passenger seat, seemingly tense with the twins no longer controlling the conversation. Had they said something that made Noah question this thing between them? The idea of Noah leaving, changing his mind about Adam, was like a knife in his throat, making it hard to swallow. Noah was his. Just his. If Noah didn’t feel the same, Adam didn’t know what he’d do.
Asa had called Noah Adam’s new favorite toy, but that wasn’t true. Adam had never had a favorite anything, didn’t form attachments to people or objects. He held a connection to his family because that was what society expected and they had a common goal. Their union kept all of them safe and allowed their father’s experiment to continue. He’d always imagined if he could form attachments it would be to them. He’d protect them, would mourn the loss of their absence, but losing them didn’t cut into him like the idea of no longer having Noah in his life.
Societal conventions said Adam shouldn’t tell Noah any of these things, shouldn’t tell anybody that he’d somehow fallen for a boy he’d only known for a few days, unless one counted the two weeks of stalking he’d done post death threat. But Adam had already told him, had already made his intentions clear, right? Noah understood what he was to him. He had to know. He had to feel it, too. Maybe this was all too intense for Noah. Maybe meeting his brothers had finally made Noah understand who Adam was deep down inside.
He white-knuckled the steering wheel the whole way back to the loft, casting furtive glances at Noah, who had abandoned Adam’s hand to tangle his fingers together in his lap, watching the world go by through the passenger side window. He didn’t seem afraid or even bothered, but there was a tension in the car that hadn’t been there just moments ago, a thickness to the air between them that almost felt like he could reach out and touch it. It kicked up his baser instincts, the ones responsible for his survival, and Noah was now a thing necessary for Adam’s survival.
Once parked in the garage, Adam opened Noah’s door. He took Adam’s hand and gave him a hesitant, almost nervous smile. The knot in Adam’s stomach loosened somewhat. When they stepped onto the elevator, Noah slipped his hand back into Adam’s, and the wave of relief was so overwhelming, it took his breath away. But that relief quickly turned to a need to claim, to make Noah understand who he was to Adam.
As the doors closed, Adam shoved Noah up against the wall, gripping his face in his hands and kissing him as the car lurched into motion. He swallowed Noah’s surprised squeak, some feral part of him wondering what other kinds of sounds he could pull from Noah if he applied just the right amount of pressure. He felt the moment the tension left Noah, his whole body relaxing against Adam, letting him kiss him any way he wanted.
That was the thing about Noah; he wasn’t weak or frail. He wasn’t some meek little timid mouse who was too afraid to speak up. And that made his total submission just so much hotter. It made Adam want to do dirty things to him, made him want to pin him down and make him scream or whimper or moan. It made Adam want to invade him, every fucking part of him, until there was no telling where he stopped and Noah started.