His grip on my fingers tightens, and he starts to shake a little, so I step closer.
“Rolland was good to me, too,” I whisper. “The only one that ever was, to be honest. He was the first person I ever felt any kindness from, I remember that clearly. The knife? He gave it to me because he said he wanted me to be able to protect myself. I was just some kid he didn’t know and had no tie to, and he wanted me to be safe.” He tries to fight it off, but he can’t, and his frown grows a little glossy.
“If he wanted that for me, some random kid in a beat-up trailer, imagine what he would do to protect his own grandbaby, pac man?” I whisper. “I’d bet he’d die for her.”
He pulls his lips between his teeth, nodding as he takes his eyes from mine. A deep, ragged breath leaves him, and his head falls back, a heavy chuckle escaping him. In the next second, he yanks me against him, hugging me tight.
I let him hold on until he’s ready to let go, but even when he does he only pulls back a bit.
“Raven—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t thank me. You deserve to know all that. He’s your dad, Cap, and that’s your daughter.”
He sighs. “My mind, it’s been fucking with me lately. I knew something was coming, I get that nagging in my gut right before it does, every damn time. I didn’t know what I’d have to do. I love my brothers, and I love my father, but if he was guilty of what they said, I ...” He trails off taking a deep breath. “Zoey is everything to me, Raven. I’d—”
“Stop. You don’t have to say it.”
He nods. “I know they’d stand with me, whatever I needed, they’d do it beside me without question, it’s who they are, who we are as a unit, but I’d hate to of had to be the reason they lost our dad a second time.”
“Yeah, well,” I try and make light of things. “My mom sent your dad to prison for eleven years, Cap, and look where I’m standing right now.”
The corner of his lips tip up, some light coming back in his blue-green eyes. “Yeah, pretty sure it could have been you yourself who did, and you’d still be standing here.”
I widen my eyes teasingly, happy we’re back in territory I’m comfortable with. “Because I’m awesome.”
He gives me a playful shove. “Yeah, Raven, you kinda are.” His eyes fall another minute before coming back to mine, a newfound softness to them he’s yet to show. “I heard about your little run-in with her, that’s how we knew you were still ours.”
I look away with a shrug, doing my best to keep my emotions in check.
“Raven.”
“I said stop. It’s not a big deal.”
“Oh, it is a big deal, but fine. I’ll stop.” He laughs, searching out my eyes again. A heavy exhale leaving him. “We weren’t ready for you, Raven Carver. We weren’t fucking ready.”
I shift my frown to the city below again, dismissing his words. “Wanna go in now? You can make me a cup of coffee in that fancy machine in there. I’m freezing, in need of caffeine, and I have no idea what to do with all those buttons.”
With a light touch to my shoulders, he turns me around to face the room.
Maddoc is in the little kitchen-like area, leaning against the countertop, a hot cup of coffee at his lips and one right in front of him. Eyes on me.
I turn back to Captain.
He smiles, and even though he’s still got a lot to work out, I can tell he’s lighter right now than he’s been in weeks. He winks, and I move toward Maddoc.
Maddoc pushes to stand at his full height as I grow closer, and when I reach him, he nods to my cup, but before I can even make a move to pick it up, he grips my chin between his knuckles and holds my face still.
He drops down, bringing his mouth to my ear. He grazes his lips across the sensitive skin beneath it before whispering, “You keep this up, and I might have to do something real crazy, like lock you in my room and throw away the key.”
“Keep what up?” I murmur against his chest.
“Fixing us. Making us better. Making us stronger.”
My throat closes, and a frown pulls at my brows.
He keeps going. “You recognize what we need and when, like you’ve known us all your life. You’re connected to us, and that’s not something we’ll ever be willing to let go of, Raven. Never. None of us. No matter fucking what.”
They’ll never let you go. Not now that they have you. My mother’s words slam me in the face and I tense.
He feels it and pulls back to look at me, a scowl in place.
“Shut shit down in your head, Raven. Now,” he warns, picking up my cup, and handing it to me.
“What if I decide I don’t wanna stay?” I ask even though that’s the farthest thing from the truth at this point.
A slow smirk stretches across his lips and he pushes against me. “I’ll pretend you have a choice, and say it’ll be a damn good time convincing you, too.”
I glare. “I hope you know if I wanted to leave, you couldn’t stop me.”
With an airy chuckle, he moves past me, throwing over his shoulder, “Keep believing that if it makes you feel better. Either way, you stay.”
Sexy bossy bastard.
As soon as everyone got up and dressed, we took our time, jacked around a bit, before hitting the road and driving through the night.
The sun is only starting to rise when we make it back.
As soon as we pull through the tree line, Maybell steps out the front door of the mansion.
Bitterness fills me.
Even though she owes me nothing, I can’t help but feel a sense of betrayal by her.
I’m not stupid, I know she knew what I was walking into at the courthouse. I’d bet she knew the entire story and more. It was in the way her eyes hesitated, all the cryptic things she’d say to me, her allowing me to move in with the boys. Yes, she can’t exactly control them, but she was a little too happy to watch it happen.
And I’m pretty damn sure she already knew Ms. Vega, even though the day I was dropped off by my probably not a social worker social worker they acted as if they’d only just met.
She starts toward us, opening her arms for Maddoc to walk into.
He kisses her hair and she pats his back, moving to cup his face when she steps back. “You okay, boy?”