Trigger Warning: Short Fictions and Disturbances

***

 

On Thursday, a tall young man with a tweed jacket and a bow tie knocked on the door. There was nobody at home, and nobody answered, and, after walking around the house, he went away.

 

***

 

On Saturday, Mr Browning stood in his empty kitchen. He had banked the money successfully, which had wiped out all his debts. The furniture that they had wanted to keep had been put into a moving van and sent to Mr Browning’s uncle, who had an enormous garage he wasn’t using.

 

‘What if it’s all a joke?’ asked Mrs Browning.

 

‘Not sure what’s funny about giving someone seven hundred and fifty thousand pounds,’ said Mr Browning. ‘The bank says it’s real. Not reported stolen. Just a rich and eccentric person who wants to buy our house for a lot more than it’s worth.’

 

They had booked two rooms in a local hotel, although hotel rooms had proved harder to find than Mr Browning had expected. Also, he had had to convince Mrs Browning, who was a nurse, that they could now afford to stay in a hotel.

 

‘What happens if he never comes back?’ asked Polly. She was sitting on the stairs, reading a book.

 

Mr Browning said, ‘Now you’re being silly.’

 

‘Don’t call your daughter silly,’ said Mrs Browning. ‘She’s got a point. You don’t have a name or a phone number or anything.’

 

This was unfair. The contract was made out, and the buyer’s name was clearly written on it: N. M. de Plume. There was an address, too, for a firm of London solicitors, and Mr Browning had phoned them and been told that, yes, this was absolutely legitimate.

 

‘He’s eccentric,’ said Mr Browning. ‘An eccentric millionaire.’

 

‘I bet it’s him behind that rabbit mask,’ said Polly. ‘The eccentric millionaire.’

 

The doorbell rang. Mr Browning went to the front door, his wife and daughter beside him, each of them hoping to meet the new owner of their house.

 

‘Hello,’ said the lady in the cat mask. It was not a very realistic mask. Polly saw her eyes glinting behind it, though.

 

‘Are you the new owner?’ asked Mrs Browning.

 

‘Either that, or I’m the owner’s representative.’

 

‘Where’s . . . your friend? In the rabbit mask?’

 

Despite the cat mask, the young lady (was she young? Her voice sounded young, anyway) seemed efficient and almost brusque. ‘You have removed all your possessions? I’m afraid anything left behind will become the property of the new owner.’

 

‘We’ve got everything that matters.’

 

‘Good.’

 

Polly said, ‘Can I come and play in the garden? There isn’t a garden at the hotel.’ There was a swing on the oak tree in the back garden, and Polly loved to sit on it and read.

 

‘Don’t be silly, love,’ said Mr Browning. ‘We’ll have a new house, and then you’ll have a garden with swings. I’ll put up new swings for you.’

 

The lady in the cat mask crouched down. ‘I’m Mrs Cat. Ask me what time it is, Polly.’

 

Polly nodded. ‘What’s the time, Mrs Cat?’

 

‘Time for you and your family to leave this place and never look back,’ said Mrs Cat, but she said it kindly.

 

Polly waved goodbye to the lady in the cat mask when she got to the end of the garden path.

 

 

 

 

 

III

 

 

They were in the TARDIS control room, going home.

 

‘I still don’t understand,’ Amy was saying. ‘Why were the Skeleton People so angry with you in the first place? I thought they wanted to get free from the rule of the Toad-King.’

 

‘They weren’t angry with me about that,’ said the young man in the tweed jacket and the bow tie. He pushed a hand through his hair. ‘I think they were quite pleased to be free, actually.’ He ran his hands across the TARDIS control panel, patting levers, stroking dials. ‘They were just a bit upset with me because I’d walked off with their squiggly whatsit.’

 

‘Squiggly whatsit?’

 

‘It’s on the . . .’ He gestured vaguely with arms that seemed to be mostly elbows and joints. ‘The tabley thing over there. I confiscated it.’

 

Amy looked irritated. She wasn’t irritated, but she sometimes liked to give him the impression she was, just to show him who was boss. ‘Why don’t you ever call things by their proper names? The tabley thing over there? It’s called “a table”.’

 

She walked over to the table. The squiggly whatsit was glittery and elegant: it was the size and general shape of a bracelet, but it twisted in ways that made it hard for the eye to follow.

 

‘Really? Oh good.’ He seemed pleased. ‘I’ll remember that.’

 

Amy picked up the squiggly whatsit. It was cold and much heavier than it looked. ‘Why did you confiscate it? And why are you saying confiscate anyway? That’s like what teachers do, when you bring something you shouldn’t to school. My friend Mels set a record at school for the number of things she’d got confiscated. One night she got me and Rory to make a disturbance while she broke into the teacher’s supply cupboard, which was where her stuff was. She had to go over the roof and through the teachers’ loo window . . .’

 

But the Doctor was not interested in Amy’s old school friend’s exploits. He never was. He said, ‘Confiscated. For their own safety. Technology they shouldn’t have had. Probably stolen. Time looper and booster. Could have made a nasty mess of things.’ He pulled a lever. ‘And we’re here. All change.’

 

There was a rhythmic grinding sound, as if the engines of the Universe itself were protesting, a rush of displaced air, and a large blue police box materialised in the back garden of Amy Pond’s house. It was the beginning of the second decade of the twenty-first century.

 

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door. Then he said, ‘That’s odd.’

 

He stood in the doorway, made no attempt to walk outside. Amy came over to him. He put out an arm to prevent her from leaving the TARDIS. It was a perfectly sunny day, almost cloudless.

 

‘What’s wrong?’

 

‘Everything,’ he said. ‘Can’t you feel it?’ Amy looked at her garden. It was overgrown and neglected, but then it always had been, as long as she remembered.

 

‘No,’ said Amy. And then she said, ‘It’s quiet. No cars. No birds. Nothing.’

 

‘No radio waves,’ said the Doctor. ‘Not even Radio Four.’

 

‘You can hear radio waves?’

 

‘Of course not. Nobody can hear radio waves,’ he said, unconvincingly.

 

And that was when the voice said, ATTENTION VISITORS. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING KIN SPACE. THIS WORLD IS THE PROPERTY OF THE KIN. YOU ARE TRESPASSING. It was a strange voice, whispery and, mostly, Amy suspected, in her head.

 

‘This is Earth,’ called Amy. ‘It doesn’t belong to you.’ And then she said, ‘What have you done with the people?’

 

WE BOUGHT IT FROM THEM. THEY DIED OUT NATURALLY SHORTLY AFTERWARDS. IT WAS A PITY.

 

‘I don’t believe you,’ shouted Amy.

 

NO GALACTIC LAWS WERE VIOLATED. THE PLANET WAS PURCHASED LEGALLY AND LEGITIMATELY. A THOROUGH INVESTIGATION BY THE SHADOW PROCLAMATION VINDICATED OUR OWNERSHIP IN FULL.

 

‘It’s not yours! Where’s Rory?’

 

‘Amy? Who are you talking to?’ asked the Doctor.

 

‘The voice. The one in my head. Can’t you hear it?’

 

TO WHOM ARE YOU TALKING? asked the Voice.

 

Amy closed the TARDIS door.

 

‘Why did you do that?’ asked the Doctor.

 

‘Weird, whispery voice in my head. Said they’d bought the planet. And the, the Shadow Proclamation said it was all okay. It told me all the people died out naturally. You couldn’t hear it. It didn’t know you were here. Element of surprise. Closed the door.’ Amy Pond could be astonishingly efficient, when she was under stress. Right now, she was under stress, but you wouldn’t have known it, if it wasn’t for the squiggly whatsit, which she was holding between her hands and was bending and twisting into shapes that defied the imagination and seemed to be wandering off into peculiar dimensions.

 

‘Did they say who they were?’

 

She thought for a moment. ‘“You are now entering Kin space. This world is the property of the Kin.”’

 

He said, ‘Could be anyone. The Kin. I mean . . . it’s like calling yourselves the People. It’s what pretty much every race-name means. Except for Dalek. That means Metal-Cased Hatey Death Machines in Skaronian.’ And then he was running to the control panel. ‘Something like this. It can’t occur overnight. People don’t just die off. And this is 2010. Which means . . .’

 

‘It means they’ve done something to Rory.’

 

‘It means they’ve done something to everyone.’ He pressed several keys on an ancient typewriter keyboard, and patterns flowed across the screen that hung above the TARDIS console. ‘I couldn’t hear them . . . they couldn’t hear me. You could hear both of us. Aha! Summer of 1984! That’s the divergence point . . .’ His hands began turning, twiddling and pushing levers, pumps, switches, and something small that went ding.

 

‘Where’s Rory? I want him, right now,’ demanded Amy as the TARDIS lurched away into space and time. The Doctor had only briefly met her fiancé, Rory Williams, once before. She did not think the Doctor understood what she saw in Rory. Some days, she was not entirely sure what she saw in Rory. But she was certain of this: nobody took her fiancé away from her.

 

Neil Gaiman's books