I look into her eyes, and the pain and hurt are too much. I can no longer hold back the sob that has been caught in my throat. Beh wraps her arms tightly around my neck as she pushes me with her whole body, forcing me backwards. I look out over her shoulder as the blue-grey sphere forms and spins around Beh’s father and Lah. It moves faster and faster, the noise becoming painful to my ears again. I squeeze my eyes shut and cringe from it.
My mate grabs a hold of my shoulder and pushes me away roughly from the spinning thing. I feel as if my head is spinning just as fast, and through the noise and the confusion, I realize she has left Lah there, inside of the thing with her father.
“Beh…Lah!” I look from her to the field where the flashes of red and gold now surround my daughter. I try to move toward it, but Beh holds tight to my arm, and an odd, prickly feeling covers my skin as I get closer. It makes the hairs on my arm stand up, and my head begins to pound. I hesitate, staring ahead as the image of the man holding my baby changes from outline to formless shape and then is gone.
The whirring sound doesn’t fade this time but simply stops.
“Lah?” My eyes search Beh’s, and she moves her head back and forth as tears flow freely. I look from Beh to the bleak, empty field and back again.
Her body goes limp and weak, and I have to catch her in my arms to keep her from falling. Crouching slightly, I pull Beh up into my embrace and hold her to my chest, just as I had been holding our Lah only moments ago.
“Lah!” I cry out louder. Beh tightens her arms around my neck, and she tucks her head against my shoulder and sobs.
Her cries drown out my own screams.
“LAH!”
Finally, I realize our baby is gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I sit, staring.
The snows have melted. The trees have new leaves, and the field outside the cave is empty.
Completely empty.
In my hands is one of the leather triangles Beh would wrap around Lah to keep her from getting too messy when she relieved herself. In my mind are all my memories of her—how she smelled after her mother cleaned the dust and dirt off of her face, the way she would roll right off of the furs to try to get wherever it was she wanted to go, and how she felt lying securely in my arms.
I should be hunting and gathering food, but I can’t do anything except sit on the ground and watch for some sign of my daughter.
There is none.
“Ehd?”
I glance up toward the cave at my mate. She called to me before, but I didn’t move to go back inside. She walks over and holds out her hand to me. Our fingers wrap together, and I move up to my knees, glancing out over the empty field again as I do.
Empty.
Completely empty.
“Lah?” I turn my eyes to Beh’s and see the dark blue color that had lived in our daughter’s eyes as well as the eyes of the man who took her away.
Beh makes soft sounds and runs her fingers though my hair. It’s getting long again, and I wonder if she will make me sit still long enough for her to cut it shorter. I nuzzle my head against her stomach with my eyes closed, just inhaling the scent of her skin for a while.
When I open my eyes again, I focus on the three small lines that grace Beh’s skin along her abdomen. They are marks left over from when she had Lah inside of her. I reach out with a single finger and stroke them slowly one at a time. When I look up again, Beh’s cheeks are wet.
I haven’t tried to put another baby in Beh since Lah disappeared from the field in front of me. I also haven’t eaten or slept much. Beh did drag me down to the lake once, but I refused to get into the water, and I didn’t try to catch any fish. I only sat on the rocks and waited for her to be ready to return to the cave.
As I continue to look at Beh, the feeling of sorrow and dread which have overwhelmed me since Lah disappeared seem to twist inside of me until they are replaced with shame. In my own grief, I haven’t been a good mate to Beh.
My nose runs over each of the little lines as thoughts of her stomach getting round fill my head. It is spring, and I should be hunting to provide for my mate. I should be collecting wood and replenishing the cache above the cave. I should be making a trap for large animals so I can replace the leather and furs that have become worn with age.
Looking up at Beh, I can see her sadness for Lah but also her worry for me—for us. I should be providing for Beh. I should be protecting her. I should be trying to give her another baby to help ease her pain of losing our first.
Lah is gone, but Beh is young and strong. I will put another baby in her, and I will have to make sure when I do that there is enough food and other supplies to keep Beh healthy while she carries and then nurses another child.
I stand and pick Beh up in my arms. She lets out a little squeal of surprise, which makes me smile. I remember when she has done that before and wait to see if she will make the no sound.
She doesn’t.
I carry her inside the cave and set her down. My hands cup her face, and I lean in to drag my nose across her jaw.
“Khizz?”