I believe her. Maybe there were clues, but both of us had been desperate to ignore them. At some level, a moth has to know the flame will engulf it and try to avoid it. “After you learned the truth, were you going . . .” I falter, pausing before I ask the next question, fearing her answer. “Were you going to stay with him?”
“No,” she says, her answer sure, without any hesitation. “But he would have made it difficult for me to leave.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing he’s dying,” I say.
“Yes,” she agrees. “It is a good thing.”
MARIN
It is Gia’s sixteenth birthday, a momentous occasion for every teenager. Marin decided to throw her a party, inviting all her former friends from the school. Gia has taken Raj up on his offer to leave school for a while. During the week, Raj brings Gia to a therapist and waits outside while she reveals her secrets to a stranger. Marin never offers to drive or go along. She does not stop them, but she certainly doesn’t support Gia’s going, even though she herself suggested it. That was just for leverage in her negotiations with Raj, and she was angry at him for insisting Gia needed outside intervention. Marin still believes they would have been able to handle it within their small circle. Having done that in her childhood, there is no reason to do it differently now.
After their discussion in the office, she and Raj talked no further about separating or about Raj and Gia leaving the home. Everyone seemed to understand that such a step couldn’t be undone, and besides, no one had the capacity to deal with such an event. They were all emotionally drained, with nothing left in the well to draw from. Instead, they each escaped to their separate rooms, using the main parts of the house to coexist in.
Except for Gia’s therapy appointments, she spends the majority of her days in her room, accompanied by either loud music or complete silence. Sometimes Marin stands outside the door, waiting for permission to enter, to talk to Gia. It never comes, so Marin never enters.
Gia insisted she didn’t want a party, even begged her parents to cancel it. But Marin forged ahead, getting caught up in the arrangements. The planning took up most of her time, leaving little room for her to think about much else. Feeling an inexplicable shame about her visit to her father’s hospital room and the tears she shed, she buried the memory under work and the party.
What was initially supposed to be ten to fifteen girls ended up being over a hundred and twenty guests, adults and girls both. Marin hired a party planner and had tents set up in the backyard. She reviewed the menu and changed it three times before settling on casual fare. She was sure to include some of Gia’s favorites, along with a variety of other items. A live DJ and entertainment finalized the plans.
“You don’t think it’s a bit much?” Raj asks now, during one of their rare conversations.
“It’s her sixteenth,” Marin replies. “She only has one of those.”
“Right.” Raj sips his iced tea, watching the tents going up in the backyard as workers file in and out of their home. “She hasn’t been down all morning.”
“Getting ready, likely,” Marin decides, keeping an eye out for the caterer. “She’ll be down soon enough.” She starts to leave, but Raj stops her.
“What are you hoping to accomplish with this large a gathering?” Raj asks quietly.
“That our daughter will know how much we love her,” Marin answers tersely, taking her leave to check on the setup. As everything falls into place, the guests start to arrive. First Ranee and Sonya. Trisha is nowhere to be seen. Marin hasn’t encountered her since they exchanged words at Trisha’s house. With all that happened since, Marin hasn’t had the time to think about it. Now she wonders what she missed in the ensuing time.