“You think it was because of me?” Brent shakes his head, not bothering to give Ranee his full attention. “It was hearing the truth from you—that you didn’t want her. That was the reason she left.”
At times Ranee felt like a small fish in the vast ocean, no boundaries or limits to where her life went. She was at the mercy of each wave, each surge leading her farther away from where she was before. In between, she had to survive. But she couldn’t deny Brent’s words. She had pushed her daughter away. With so little of herself left, she had offered Sonya nothing. But by telling her child she wasn’t wanted—and not telling her the reason why—she drove her away.
“It was to save her,” Ranee finally spoke up, needing to admit it aloud. “You would have destroyed her if she stayed here.”
Turning his gaze toward her, Brent assessed her before letting out a low laugh. “That was the decision you made? Having your daughter hate you?” Dismissing her, he murmured, “When Sonya chose photography over law I knew she wasn’t intelligent. Now I know where she got it from.” Letting her know the discussion is over, he motioned toward the kitchen and reminded her, “My drops, Ranee. I’m having difficulty reading.”
“Yes,” Ranee said, her mind starting to turn. “You need your eye medicine. If you went blind, how would I see?”
TRISHA
I wait on the sofa, one leg crossed over the other. I threw on a pair of slacks and a blouse after showering. The house is still, as though it has already accepted its fate and is mourning the loss. A family that never came to fruition. I assume Eric will sell it or maybe live in it, hoping to fill it one day with the children he wants. The thought of him with another woman, holding her, tightens my stomach. He has been mine for so long I can’t imagine him being someone else’s. But I know he may one day be. I have no say in the matter. I gave that up when I had the IUD implanted.
The doorbell rings, startling me. The watch that he gave me tells me he is on time. We have not seen one another since that day in his attorney’s office. All communication has been via the woman who now speaks for him. My first replacement, I realize. How easy it was, I muse. I rise slowly, taking each step as if it were my last. Opening the door, I soak in the sight of him. It is the end of a workday, so he has on a suit and tie. He looks everything that I know him to be—strong and sure.
“Thanks for meeting me here,” I say, welcoming him into his own home. “I know you preferred your attorney’s office but—”
“This is fine,” he says, interrupting me. His steps are hesitant, his hands thrust into his suit pockets. He no longer wears his wedding ring—it was the first thing I noticed at the attorney’s office. “Since you’ve refused any type of alimony, her services seem superfluous.”
“Right.” We take a seat on opposite sofas, facing one another like strangers. I can still remember making love on them when they first arrived. Eric teased that we should christen them and was surprised when I readily agreed. I had stripped first, enjoying the burn of desire in his eyes as he watched me. “How are you?”
“Fine.” Always the gentleman he asks, “And you?”
“Good,” I lie. I wonder what he would say if I told him I hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours each night, the bed too empty to sleep peacefully in. That I wonder daily what it would feel like to have had a child, to be a mother. To have given him what he wanted so badly, and in the process taken the step that I feared so much. “I’ve packed everything that was mine.” I motion to the few boxes that are stacked in the foyer. “Anything we bought after the marriage I left.”
“Where are you going to live?” he asks.
“I signed a month-to-month lease for an apartment in the city.” I don’t meet his eyes. “Until I can find something more permanent.”