‘Will we see you later, Bells?’ Ruby asked from the chair, where she was admiring her fancy hair-do in a hand-held mirror.
‘No, I don’t think so. But I’ll be here bright and early in the morning. Mum’s going to have the little ’un and I’ll express milk so she can feed him. Then she’ll bring him to the church.’
‘Smashing.’ Her mum smiled. ‘It’s so exciting! See you in the morning, Bells, and night-night, baby boy!’ She blew a kiss.
‘Merrin, if you fancy a walk, love, we’re nearly out of tea bags.’ Her mum nodded her head matter-of-factly towards the larder.
‘Oh.’ The thought of heading out into the village was almost paralysing. ‘Did . . . did you want to go, Rubes – get some fresh air? I could stay and chat to Mum?’
‘I ain’t going out! Don’t want Jarv or anyone else seeing my hair! Plus, Mum’s going to paint my nails now.’
Heather gave a false grin.
‘I’ll walk up with you, Merry, as far as I can?’ Bella held her eye.
Feeling a little bit cornered and a whole lot anxious, Merry closed the door behind the two of them, stopping by the gate to take in the view of the bay. It was more beautiful in person. Her memory had not done it justice or, more accurately, her memory could not perfectly capture how it felt to look at it. There was something about the landscape that she knew would always affect her like no other because this was where her heritage lay.
Dusk was falling as they strolled slowly up the coastal path. Merrin breathed in the fragrant sea air and felt it help soothe her troubled mind. She might not wake here every day, might be living far away, but Port Charles would always, always, be her home.
‘Do you know how lovely it is just to see your face here?’ Bella called over her shoulder, drawing her from her thoughts. ‘It’s like, now you’re back, all is right with the world.’ She cradled Glynn’s head against her. ‘I’ve missed you.’
‘And me you.’ Merrin pushed her hands into her pockets to stop them shaking and looked up over the path to check no one was coming.
‘So what’s the deal with you and Miguel?’ Bella asked casually.
‘What d’you mean?’
Bella stopped. ‘I mean, I can’t put my finger on it, but I don’t think you’re . . .’
‘Don’t think I’m what?’ Merrin felt the blush on her cheeks as if being accused of something heinous.
Bella took her time. ‘I know you, Merry Mercy Kellow. I’ve known you my whole life and I know when something is making you fizz with happiness, and I know when you’re going through the motions.’
‘You think I’m going through the motions?’ She couldn’t disguise her discomfort at the topic or the whiff of truth that went with it, feeling her face colour.
‘Not exactly, but I can see that he doesn’t light that fire inside you and I worry you might be treading water.’
‘What does that even mean?’ She looked at the sleeping Glynn, conscious of having raised her voice and not wanting to wake the baby.
‘You know what it means.’ Bella reached out and took her friend’s hand. ‘I love you, Merry. You and Rubes are my sisters, even if you are a Cornwall-fleeing traitor.’ She made as if to spit on the path and Merrin laughed. ‘And I want the best for us all and this is the last time I’ll mention it, but when you were with Digby the dickhead’ – this, too, made Merrin chuckle, despite a rising sadness – ‘you were glowing! And it was wonderful to see, but since then, whenever I’ve seen you, it’s like you’re a little diluted, a little turned down, as though you’re afraid to fully grab life or love in case you get it thrown back at you again. And the way you hide away in Thornbury . . . I mean, I can’t believe you’re being brave enough to go to the shop. You! The girl who runs barefoot over rocks. My fearless Merry.’
‘God, that’s so sad.’ Merrin felt the sting of tears at the back of her throat. ‘I don’t want that to be how I’m viewed. But I know it’s the truth. Trust me, Bells, I’m so much better than I was; coming here is such a big deal, and I figured going to the shop would be a good rehearsal for tomorrow.’
‘I get it. And I think it is sad. And I only say it because I want the best for you. I want you to glow like you have this incredible secret; I want you to be that happy!’
‘I do like Miguel.’
‘I know you do, and you don’t have to justify yourself to me or anyone, but the fact is, I like salt-and-vinegar Pringles, doesn’t mean I want to spend my life with them.’
‘Are you honestly comparing beautiful Miguel to a salt-and-vinegar Pringle?’
‘I actually am.’
Merrin turned and looked out over the bay, where the streetlights were starting to flicker on. It was always her favourite time, as the stays on the masts of boats in the harbour knocked in the gentle swell of the tide, and the sky turned pink and orange with the promise of warmth tomorrow. Gulls took to the cliffs to bed down for the night and lamps in windows were clicked to life, sending beams of honey-coloured light to pool on the pavements and walkways. It was beautiful, cosy, and the place she had walked happily for the first two decades of her life.
‘I know you love me, Bells, and the feeling is entirely mutual.’ She squeezed her friend’s fingers. ‘And I know what you’re getting at. I think . . . I think it’s hard to go through what happened to me and not be a little bit damaged by it, even if you do your very best not to be. And I also think that the kind of crazy, full-on, all-encompassing, firecracker love is something that’s easy when you haven’t seen the other side. But as you get older and live a bit more . . .’
‘The cynicism sets in?’
‘Something like that.’ Merrin smiled at her friend, whose face fell, confirming that Bella knew it as well as she. ‘The good thing is, Miguel and I are on the same page. We’re happy and things are plodding along nicely.’
‘Yaaay!’ Bella did a mini fist pump. ‘The phrase that all romantics the world over hope to hear: “plodding along nicely” – just so lovely, passionate.’