‘Me neither.’ Bella gave a humph of laughter. ‘But you gotta let it go!’
‘Easy said. But it’s like grief, and yet I can’t legitimately grieve because he’s not dead, he just doesn’t want me.’ It didn’t get any easier saying it out loud, yet she was also glad of the opportunity to do so. Glancing at the window, she felt her gut shrink at the prospect that one day she might be within bumping-into distance of a Mortimer. Whether it be Loretta, Guthrie or Digby himself, she knew she wouldn’t know what to say or how to act. The thought was enough to make the breath stutter in her throat with embarrassment. Far better to stay where she was and keep busy.
‘You know, I think he must be a born fool to have thrown away such a lovely relationship.’ Her mate sighed. ‘But more than that, I feel he must be lacking or weak to let it go as far as he did if he had no intention of going through with it, and so I feel sorry for him, as well as being mad as hell at him.’
‘You’re kind, Bella, to consider him in that way.’
‘I don’t know about that, my lovely. And I know your sister certainly doesn’t share my kindness.’
They both chuckled at the image, knowing Ruby would be as good as her word. Merrin took comfort from the fact that her sister still cared enough to defend her.
‘So how long is gorgeous Luuk staying?’
‘For ever, I hope!’
‘Blimey! Don’t tell him that; he’ll run for the mountains.’
‘They don’t have a lot of mountains in Holland.’
‘Good point, smart arse. Anyway, I’ve got to get ready for work. Love you.’
‘Love you.’
After a restorative shower, and buoyed up by Bella’s call, Merrin made her way across the front gravel to the main hotel.
‘Hey, Merrin!’ Miguel called after her. She slowed to allow him to catch up. ‘Morning!’
‘Morning.’ She tucked her short bob behind her ears; the style was liberating not only in terms of the time it took her to get ready but also in freeing her of the memory of Digby running his fingers through her long locks.
‘Glad I caught you. I wanted to ask you two things.’ He smiled. She liked his open expression and his neat, white teeth.
‘Fire away.’ She carried on walking and they fell into step together.
‘We’re really short-staffed over the next two weeks: Sonja has gone down with the flu and I’d already told Gareth he could take a holiday, so he’s in the Lake District – don’t suppose you fancy some overtime in the restaurant? Nothing that would interfere with your shifts on reception, but if you could spare us the odd evening?’
‘Sure.’ It wasn’t like she had anything else to occupy her evenings, and she couldn’t deny the extra cash would come in handy.
‘You are a lifesaver!’ He joined his hands in prayer.
‘What was the second thing?’ She stood still on the winding path and stared at him.
‘I was wondering if you fancied a drink?’ he asked without any hesitation or nerves.
‘Blimey, Miguel, it’s a bit early, isn’t it?’ She glanced at her watch and drew breath through her teeth. ‘How do you take it at this time of the morning? Gin on your cornflakes? Clean your teeth with Prosecco?’
‘Very funny.’ He ran his hand through his neat, dark hair. ‘And actually, I meant beer, and later – tonight, as it’s my night off, the only one I can see me getting for a while. Or another night, any night in fact, or day, if night’s not possible.’
Now his nerves showed and she rather liked it, although she wasn’t sure why. This was the first time someone had managed to put a crack in her protective shell for the longest time.
‘So that’s it. What I’m saying is: I think you need to go to the pub. And I think I need to come with you, if nothing else to see you safely home after you have consumed more beer than your legs are comfortable with carrying.’
‘I don’t like beer.’
‘Ah.’ He kicked at the gravel. ‘So that’s a no, is it?’ He looked a little crestfallen and it gladdened her to know he wanted her company.
‘No. It means I’ll drink wine instead.’ She felt warmed at the smile that split his face, remembering Bella’s words that maybe it was time she let herself live. ‘Tonight would be great.’
‘Oh! Good!’
‘You sound surprised.’
‘I am.’ He nodded. ‘But glad! You don’t really socialise with us, so I guess I thought you might prefer not to.’ He met her gaze.
‘I think . . .’ She paused, wondering how best to explain the state of isolation in which she had chosen to live. ‘I think I did prefer not to socialise, but now I might prefer not to do that. Does that make sense?’ Plus, my friend said I needed a kick up the arse and you might just be that very thing . . . This she kept to herself.
‘No. I literally have no clue what you’re talking about. So, just to confirm, we are going for a drink tonight after work?’
‘We are,’ she confirmed, and liked the way his face lit up.
At the end of her shift and having arranged to meet Miguel at the front gate, Merrin took her time getting ready, and it was nothing to do with slipping into her jeans and a shirt, cleaning her teeth and spritzing her perfume. Her preparation was more mental. She sat on the edge of her bed and took deep breaths.
‘You can do this!’ She glimpsed her reflection and tried not to see herself standing in front of the full-length mirror at home in a voluminous gown. With her heart racing and her palms a little sweaty, she trod the wide gravel path to the front gate, where she found Miguel kneeling on the grass, holding a sandwich crust in his outstretched arm.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Oh.’ He jumped up and dropped the bread, dusting his hands on his jeans. ‘I’m trying to lure the little wild rabbits from behind this bush with a bit of leftover afternoon tea.’