The Friday-night crowd had mostly cleared out, but there were still a few people lingering over by the pool table and jukebox.
The pool table was a newer addition to the bar. Hazel and her parents had kept one for years before I’d moved to Lark Cove, but it had been so beaten up that she’d decided to put it in storage. Thea and I had dug it out about a year ago and gotten it refurbished.
Our customers loved it, but the only downside was that it kept people in the bar later at night. The group playing tonight still had a whole stack of quarters lined up and it didn’t look like they’d be leaving anytime soon.
All I really wanted was to go back to Willa’s place and spend the rest of the night forgetting all about this day while I was buried deep inside of her.
Because she had the power to make it all better.
I stuttered my step as I walked, crushing a peanut shell. Willa had power over me. Even in a positive light, it was still power. The realization scared the hell out of me.
I’d been relying on myself for so long I wasn’t good at leaning on anyone else. I didn’t want to be at anyone else’s mercy, even if it was just to give me comfort.
I glanced over my shoulder and took a long look at Willa’s back.
Maybe I was getting too close. I’d started this whole thing with Willa because I’d just wanted to get to know her. I’d wanted to date her for a while until we got bored with one another.
But I wasn’t bored, not in the slightest. The more I was around her, the more I wanted her.
Maybe I’d gone too far already. I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want kids. I was good with Charlie because I had fun uncle written all over me, but being a husband and father was a whole other story.
I didn’t have that kind of love in me to give.
When Willa and I got to that point in our relationship, when we talked about the future, she’d see pretty damn quick we didn’t have one.
Maybe I should let her go now, before that point?
Not yet.
We were still having fun. I’d delay a serious conversation for just a little while longer. Then I’d let her go.
I shook off the feeling and finished checking on my customers. Behind me, Willa was still sitting at the bar.
I’d miss catching glimpses of her long blond hair as I worked. I’d miss having her at the bar every night, talking to me about nothing. I’d miss having her in my arms at night, chasing away the loneliness that I’d lived with for so long.
But it was right to let her go. Eventually. She deserved a guy who could love her like she deserved.
Willa must have felt my eyes on her because she looked over her shoulder and smiled. Then she turned back around to the guy at her side.
The guy smiled at her and scooted his stool a little too close to my girlfriend.
I scowled at his back, hoping he felt my glare, but he just kept on talking to Willa.
She nodded as he spoke. She didn’t move farther away. She let him bump her shoulder with his.
A jealous haze coated my vision as they laughed over something he said.
Why was she laughing with him? She was supposed to be here for me tonight, not to flirt with some random tourist. Had they been like that all night?
I’d been too busy to pay them much attention. And Hazel had been between them for most of the night. Had they just been biding their time until she’d left them alone?
My jaw clenched tight as I cleared off a table. With two empty beer bottles in my hand, I went back around the bar and threw them, hard, into the trash can. They shattered instantly.
Willa jumped, startled by the noise. She looked at me, worried, but the guy next to her said something else and stole her attention. She laughed with him again. She gave him her smile.
Fuck this day.
Things had gone downhill since french toast, starting with my meeting with Thea.
I knew eventually she’d suggest we bring in some extra help. But this had been our place for years. Just her, me and Hazel. Bringing in someone new was a change I didn’t want to make, even though I would.
I’d already been irritated by the time Mom walked through the door. Now Willa was laughing with this guy.
When we parted ways, she’d probably end up with his type. He wore nice jeans and a starched shirt with sleeves worn down to the wrists. His hair was styled and he probably paid someone to trim it every two weeks. He had an Audi keychain and a gold money clip.
I’d never owned or would ever own a fucking money clip.
Fuck this day, I was done.
“Last call!” I shouted.
The crew around the pool table all grumbled, so did Willa’s newest fan, but I ignored them all. The angry glares I sent around the room were enough to have people downing their drinks, dropping a few bucks for a tip and heading out into the dark night. The tourist at Willa’s side was the last to slither out, but eventually he left after a longing glance at Willa.
Asshole.
“Did you drive down or walk?” I asked Willa once the place was empty.
“I drove.”
“Good.” I nodded. “Grab your stuff. I’ll walk you out.”
“What?” she asked. “Don’t you want some help cleaning?”
I shook my head. “No. I need some space tonight. You go home. I’ll catch you later. Tomorrow or something.”
I ushered her to the door, like I’d done with my mother. Except my touch was gentle and light on her elbow rather than the firm grip I’d had on Mom.
Damn it. Had I hurt Mom? What if I’d left a mark? I’d never lost my temper with a woman like that before, and shitty mother or not, I wasn’t that guy.
“Jackson.” Willa pulled her elbow free and stopped at my side. “What are you talking about? You’ll call me tomorrow or something? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just like it sounds,” I snapped. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Or sometime. I don’t know. I’ll see you around.”
She frowned, stepping closer to touch my arm. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away because of what happened today. If you want to talk about things, I’ll listen. If you don’t, then we don’t have to. But shoving me out the door and saying you’re going to call me ‘tomorrow or something’ isn’t the answer. Let me help you.”
“Then what is the answer, Willa? Huh? Because you didn’t seem to be helping me much when you were flirting with that guy earlier.”
“Flirting?” She stepped back, her forehead furrowed. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t flirting with that guy.”
“Sure looked like it to me.”
“He told me a joke and I laughed. I might not be as experienced as you, but even I know that’s not flirting.”
“Whatever.” I walked to the door and pushed it open.
Willa stared at me for a moment, frozen to her spot. She couldn’t believe I was kicking her out either.
“Jackson,” she whispered, pain crossing her beautiful face.
“Night, Willa.”
She stared at me, tears sheening her eyes, until finally she dropped her gaze to the floor and hurried outside to the dark, deserted parking lot.
I stood in the doorway watching as she jogged to her car, making sure she got inside safely and onto the highway to go home.
“Fuck,” I hissed. My hands fisted at my sides. “Fuck!” My shout disappeared into the night.
I’d made Willa cry all because I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions swirling in my head.
I went right back inside for my keys, bringing them back to lock up, then went straight to the liquor bottles. I didn’t care that there was a dirty tumbler on the center table or bottles next to the pool table. Fuck the pint glass that douchebag had been drinking from while he’d sat by Willa.
Fuck it all.
Fuck the feelings, all of them. I’d burn them away.
I popped the pour spout off a bottle of tequila and put it right to my lips to chug.
The tequila became an eraser.
I didn’t want to remember Mom’s face or her voice. I didn’t want to remember how alone I’d felt when she’d abandoned me.
I didn’t want to remember Willa’s eyes full of tears.