He was just the hot bartender.
Maybe it was ridiculous to have feelings for someone I’d never spoken to on the phone or texted even once. I might be ridiculous for letting a high-school crush last beyond college. And it was ridiculous to think I stood a chance with a man who’d called me by the wrong name for years.
Ridiculous.
The last thing I wanted was to admit that they’d been right all this time.
“What happened?” Leighton asked.
“Nothing,” I lied.
She didn’t buy it, but she didn’t push any further.
Leighton knew I’d tell her everything later. We shared no secrets.
I was the only person who knew what had happened to her our freshman year. Well, other than the scum who’d assaulted her. Two weeks into college, we’d gone to a party off campus. The two of us had had too much to drink and both had blacked out. Someone had raped her while I’d been passed out alone in a bathroom stall, draped over a toilet.
She refused to tell anyone but me about that night.
Or the miscarriage she’d had four weeks later.
We’d made a pact back then to be there for one another. So I would tell her about Jackson kissing me, then forgetting. I’d kept that story to myself this long simply because it was just too embarrassing to relive. But after tonight, Leighton would hear it all, from the swing set to his visit at the camp yesterday. And I’d tell her all about how he’d blatantly checked out a woman’s breasts and butt last night right in front of me.
He’d asked me to stay at the bar and get to know him. Well, one could say I’d learned a lot.
I wanted to get Leighton’s opinion on the matter, but not tonight and certainly not in front of June and Hannah. I wasn’t quite ready to confess yet.
It was still too raw.
Leighton and I were closer to each other than either of us had ever been to June or Hannah. We’d all grown up together, but now June and Hannah lived and worked in Kalispell. While Leighton and I had always shared a special friendship, the same could be said of June and Hannah.
Still, the four of us tried to meet every other week or so for dinner. Sometimes, Leighton and I would go up to Kalispell. Other weeks, June and Hannah would drive down here.
“Guess who I saw as I was driving through town?” Hannah asked. “Brendon Jacoby.”
Goodness gracious. Here it comes. I picked up my burger and took an enormous bite so I wouldn’t be able to talk. June and Hannah had been trying to set me up with Brendon ever since he’d moved back to Lark Cove last year. They’d never forgotten the crush I’d had on him my junior year. I guess now that Jackson wasn’t in the picture anymore, they’d be even more ruthless in their matchmaking attempts.
“He’s just as cute as ever.”
I just kept chewing.
“My mom told me he broke up with that woman he was dating in Kalispell.” Hannah wagged her eyebrows. “You should stop by his house. Say hi. Ask him to take you out for dinner.”
June giggled. “Or to take your virginity.”
I nearly choked on my bite as my face flushed bright red. Why was being a virgin funny? I finished chewing, wanting to say something back, but decided another bite was a better idea. When I got flustered or embarrassed, I never said the right thing.
The right retort would come eventually. I’d be sitting at home, stewing, and think of exactly what to say and how to say it. My comebacks were witty and hilarious. They were crafted with the perfect amount of sarcasm and bite.
They just came too late.
“Not funny, June,” Leighton snapped.
“I’m just joking.” She snickered. “Sort of.”
Why were we still friends with June? I didn’t remember her being such a mean girl in high school. Maybe I’d just missed it. But ever since we’d started this biweekly dinner after college, she’d brought along this attitude that more often than not rubbed me the wrong way.
One of these days, someone was going to put her in her place.
I just hoped I’d be there to watch.
“Whatever happened with that guy you liked from your office, Hannah?” Leighton asked.
I nudged her knee with mine, silently thanking her for changing the subject.
Hannah grinned and launched into a whole sordid tale about her seducing him last Friday night and screwing him in her office after everyone had left for the weekend. She didn’t spare any details about her sex life. She never had. And every time she said the word cock or fuck, she looked right at me.
Leighton thought she did it to shock or embarrass me. Maybe she was right. Our senior year, Hannah had given us all the dirty details about her relationship with two football players and her stories had definitely shocked me back then.
They didn’t anymore. I’d read erotic romance novels. I’d stumbled onto a rather educational account on Tumblr once. Heck, in college, I’d had to assist in teaching sex education during my one semester of student teaching.
The only reason I was blushing tonight was because Hannah was talking way too loudly as she described her lover’s technique, and three tables down sat our former math teacher Mr. Rockman.
Couldn’t we save these stories for margarita night?
Hannah went on and on and I focused on my cheeseburger, ignoring her constant looks from across the booth.
One day I’d find the right guy and he’d be my first. I wasn’t in a rush to jump in bed with someone just because I was curious or felt the need to check lose my virginity off a list. I wanted it to be special. And for the longest time, I’d been holding out hope that my first time would be with Jackson.
A hollow feeling settled in my chest when I realized that dream was gone.
I was twenty-six years old. I had kissed one man, after which he’d forgotten. I’d never had a boyfriend or sex. I’d never been in love.
All because I’d been waiting for Jackson Page.
I didn’t want to be twenty-seven and still single. I didn’t want to be ridiculous anymore. I’d made the decision weeks ago to give up on him, but it hadn’t really hit me until now. If I didn’t move on—if I didn’t let the illusion of him go—I’d be alone.
I shoved a huge bite of my cheeseburger into my mouth so I wouldn’t cry.
Damn you, Jackson.
Damn you.
“Are we going to the bar for a drink tonight?” June asked after we’d all finished eating.
“I can’t,” I said, digging in my purse for a twenty. “I have to go back to camp and teach my constellations class.”
Even if I didn’t have to teach, I certainly wouldn’t be going to the bar again.
We all dropped some cash on the table and slid out of the booth. I gave my friends each a hug good-bye and promised to call Leighton tomorrow. Then I went back to the camp and met a group of excited kids in the main lodge.
I gave them each a constellation map and flashlight, then led them on a short hike to a clearing in the trees next to the lake.
As the kids tried to find Ursa Major and Cassiopeia, I picked the brightest star in Sagittarius.
And I wished to forget Jackson Page.
There was a rustling outside my door.
No one was knocking, but there was a distinct rustling sound.
And muttering.
I barely made out the words damn and shit.
I sat up in bed, clutching the covers to my chest as I strained to listen. My parents were fast asleep so it couldn’t be them. Plus, they didn’t curse.
The list of my regular visitors was short—Leighton, June and Hannah. And since I was certain that they were all asleep in their own beds, there was only one person who would come to see me in the middle of the night.
Jackson.
I whipped off the covers and tiptoed across the cool maple floors toward the door. The curtain over the window was pulled back just enough on one side to peek through a crack.
And sure enough, there he was.