Chapter 12
Mates’ Night Out
I fell asleep staring at that stupid Ramones poster and dreaming about the day Kiera had given it to me. I thought you might like it. When I woke up, I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks. I was finally clear about what I had to do though. I had to leave. As soon as I had my cup of coffee, I would pack up my car and get the hell out of here. For good. I wish you would go away. Don’t worry, Kiera, I will.
Of course, Kiera came down while I was drinking my coffee and reading the paper. I didn’t look at her, and she didn’t speak to me. She filled up her cup and left. But at the last minute, she tossed an “I’m sorry, Kellan” over her shoulder.
Confusion washed over me. She was sorry she wanted me out of her life, or sorry she’d told me she wanted me out of her life? My anger evaporated as her vague apology washed over me, and nothing I did could bring it back. Now, all I felt was pain. Bone-crushing pain.
I spent the next several days wallowing in depression while I weighed my options. I hardly spoke to anyone, and when I did, everything I had to say was polite and courteous. People noticed my unnatural silence, but I smiled and waved away their concerns.
Finally, one Saturday morning, Denny called me out on my mood. I was leaning against the counter, sipping my coffee, debating my options for tonight. Maybe a distraction was what I needed…a going-away party of sorts, if that was still my plan, and I was pretty sure it was.
When Denny walked into the kitchen, I nodded a greeting. He nodded one back as he grabbed a mug from a cabinet, but he gave me sidelong glances as he pulled it down. Empty mug in hand, he turned to face me. “You all right, mate? You’ve been looking a bit crook lately.”
I faked a casual smile. “Never been better.”
Denny frowned. He’d seen me fake a smile one too many times. Setting his mug down, he crossed his arms over his chest. Clearly, he wanted a real answer from me. “What’s going on with you?”
I shook my head. Most good lies were based on fact, so I ran with what I knew to be true. “I don’t know. I think it’s just…there’s been a lot of tension in the air lately. It’s getting to me.”
Denny sighed and looked up to where Kiera was. “Yeah, things have been different since I got back.” He returned his eyes to me. “It’s my fault. I’ve been miserable, and I’m bringing that misery home with me.” He looked away and I briefly closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at his face. He thought this was his fault? Out of all of us, he had the least amount of blame.
His voice was soft when he continued. “Kiera feels guilty, because I left my job for her and I hate where I am now, but…that’s my fault too. I shouldn’t have accepted the position in Tucson and stranded her here in Seattle. I knew she couldn’t transfer again, not without losing her scholarship, and I knew she couldn’t give that up. She was stuck until she was finished with school, and I knew that…and I didn’t care. I wanted the job, so I took it. And then I waited days to tell her I wasn’t coming back…It’s little wonder she broke it off with me. I was an ass.”
I cringed internally. No, I was the ass. I should have urged her to make amends with you. But instead, I urged her to my bed.
Denny’s frown shifted to a small smile; seeing it was like a punch to the gut. “But that’s all in the past now, and I don’t want to dwell on it anymore. I want things to go back to how they were before, so I have an idea.”
I had to swallow the lump of shame in my throat. “Yeah…what’s your idea?”
His smile was bright and hopeful when he told me his master plan. “We need to all go out together and unwind. Have a little fun for once. Act our age for a change.” He laughed a little. “Or maybe a few years below that.”
I wanted to crawl into a deep, dark hole. I’d rather chop my limbs off than hang out with my roommates right now. But…I was at a breaking point, and I couldn’t stay here anymore. Hanging out with them might be the last time I ever saw them. The more I thought about it, the better it seemed. Yes, it was time for me to go. Staying in Seattle was slowly killing me. The only option left was for me to leave. I would have this one last night with my roommates, where I would try to pretend that everything was like it used to be, and then I would pack up and head out. Greener pastures awaited. Or at least, less painful ones.
“Sounds like fun, Denny. I have a friend playing at the Shack tonight. We could go listen, if you want.”
I gave him a soft smile as he clapped me on the shoulder. “Perfect.”
Kiera entered the room when we were standing like that. She seemed touched that we were talking; I hadn’t done much of that lately. Denny looked over at her when she approached him. “Can you get someone to trade shifts with you? We’re all going out tonight—mates’ night out.”
A small smile tried to form on her lips, but it quickly fell off her. She didn’t want to do this either. “Ohhhh, that’s a great idea, honey. Where are we going?”
Meeting her eye for the first time since she’d told me to go away, I filled her in on the details. She mentioned she could trade shifts with a coworker, and just like that, everything was set in place. We’d all go out together tonight. One happy family.
“Great!” Denny exclaimed, giving her a kiss. I turned away at the display. God, I hated seeing it, hated hearing it. The affection bounced off them like heat waves rising off the concrete in the middle of summer. It made me want to vomit.
Denny excused himself to go take a shower. When I was alone with Kiera, something I typically avoided, she asked, “You okay?”
I was getting tired of people asking me that. Looking over at her, I could see she was still dressed in her pajamas, her tank top tight over her small, perfect breasts. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, caressing them. And her eyes were a deep, dark green. Incredible, beautiful, and not the least bit interested in me. “Sure,” I told her. “This will be…interesting.”
My words worried her. She stepped closer to me as her brows furrowed. “Are you sure? This doesn’t have to happen. Denny and I can go alone.”
Studying her face, I watched her eyes slightly shift color in the sunlight. I loved the way they did that sometimes. Like everything else about her, I committed it to memory. Even though it was painful to remember, I didn’t want to forget anything about her. “I’m fine, and I’d like to spend one…night…with my roommates.” One last night. Before I leave. Forever.
I turned and left her then, because staying hurt too much, and tonight would be painful enough. No need to prolong the agony.
When I got to the Shack later that night, Denny’s car wasn’t there. I was kind of happy I’d gotten there first. It gave me a chance to prepare myself. I ordered a pitcher with three glasses, then made my way outside. The beer garden was a large fenced-in area, with a stage at one end and tables and chairs at the other. I found an empty table near a gate that led to the parking lot. I had a feeling I might need to make a quick escape later, if this got to be too much.
While I waited for Denny and Kiera, I shifted my attention to the stage, where the band was setting up. The drummer, Kelsey, was a friend of mine. The music scene in Seattle was small; everybody knew everybody. And everybody had slept with everybody. For the most part. Walking over, I raised my hand to her, and she waved back. “Hey, Kellan. How’s life treating you?”
Oh God…where to begin? “Fine. You?”
Kelsey shrugged. “It’s all right. Can’t complain.”
The singer came over. I knew him too. We’d done a few shows together when he’d been with another band. “Hey, Brendon. Good to see you again.”
I stuck my hand out, and Brendon reached down and grabbed it. “Excellent. Glad you’re here. It’s gonna be a good show tonight.”
Even though I didn’t feel it, I gave him a carefree smile. “Yeah, I’m glad too.”
Brendon straightened back up with a smile. “We need to do another show together soon.”
I nodded, then looked over to the doors. Kiera and Denny had arrived, and I motioned to where the beer was waiting for us. They raised a hand in thanks and made their way over to the table. And it begins…
I looked back up at Brendon. “Yeah, let’s do that.” I felt slightly guilty for saying it. I was leaving after tonight. It was easier to just say yes though.
I said my goodbyes, then grudgingly returned to my table. Denny and Kiera were kissing as I approached. It was like a knife in my gut, twisting and turning. I only had to put up with it for one more night though, then I’d be free. Somehow, that thought didn’t make me any happier. Sitting down, I started pouring beers. I needed a drink; surely they needed one too.
“When does your friend go on?” Denny asked me, his voice bright and chipper.
I glanced his way and tried to push aside the fact that he was diddling the woman I loved. “Another twenty minutes or so.”
I took a long, much-needed drink from my beer. A girl walked past the table. Stopping, she stared at me like she expected me to leap up and ask her out. I really didn’t feel like it. She stalked off when I didn’t give her the time of day, and Denny noticed. “She was cute.”
“Yep.” I took a swig of beer and avoided any eye contact.
“Not your type?” Denny asked. Kiera fidgeted in her seat, but I ignored it.
“Nope,” I answered, my beer close to my face.
There was a moment of silence, then Denny again tried to strike up a conversation with me. “How’s the band going?”
“Good,” I replied. Did we have to talk? Couldn’t we just sit here, silently, until it was time to go home?
Denny asked a few more questions, then gave up. I could tell Kiera was annoyed at me, but I didn’t care. Sitting here with them sucked ass. I was doing the best I could. Eventually the band started up, which alleviated some of the stress at the table. After a while, Denny pulled Kiera onto the dance floor. Even though I wanted to ignore them, I watched them relentlessly. They moved together perfectly, and it was obvious that dancing was something Kiera loved to do. Her flirty black skirt swirled around her body, her loose hair blew in the slight breeze. Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink that almost matched the shirt underneath her sweater-jacket. She was breathtaking, and watching her with another man was excruciating.
Girls asked me to dance, but I turned them all down. There was only one girl I wanted my hands on, and she was currently being twirled around by my best friend. Our night was just beginning, and I already wanted it over with. I couldn’t do this. It was too hard.
It was getting colder outside, and I was getting colder inside. This was hell for me, and nobody seemed to notice or care. I was utterly and completely alone. I should just leave right now. Drive off with only the clothes on my back and the guitar in my car. What else did I need? Nothing.
Kiera and Denny came back from dancing, breathless and happy. I stared at my empty glass, wishing I could stick my head in it and disappear. I could feel Kiera’s disapproving eyes on me, but I didn’t care. So I can’t fake happiness anymore. Sue me.
I was just thinking of excusing myself for the evening when Denny’s cell phone suddenly rang. Denny answered it while I discreetly peeked up at Kiera. She hated that damn phone. More often than not, when it rang, Denny left. Kiera was frowning at Denny while trying to make it look like she wasn’t upset. After a second, Denny swore and shut his phone. “Battery died.” He met eyes with Kiera. Hers narrowed. “Sorry, I really need to call Max back. I’m gonna check inside, see if I can use their phone.”
I returned my attention to my glass. If he was leaving, I should too. Kiera told him, “No problem, we’ll be here.” I could tell that she was trying not to sound agitated, and I could also tell that she was. I’d heard them arguing about Denny’s boss before. Denny was doing anything he could to impress the man, and that included being his errand boy. Frowning, I wondered if I should wait for him to come back, like Kiera said, or just get up and walk out right now. What did it matter if I was gone?