18.
the honeymoon
“AND WE LIVED happily ever after,” she says.
I laugh, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Yeah, for like two weeks,” I say. “Until your mother put the brakes on things the night she walked in on us.”
Lake groans. “Oh, my God, I forgot about that.”
“Trust me, it’s not something I wish I remembered.”
point of retreat
“WHERE ARE WE going?”
I put my seat belt on and lower the volume on the radio. “It’s a surprise.”
It’s the first night I’ve been able to take her out in public since we officially started dating two weeks ago. I was able to pull out of my contract with the job at the junior high when I was accepted into the Master’s level teaching program. So technically, we’re able to date. I’m not sure how it would look, since I was her teacher just a few weeks ago. But to be honest, I don’t really care. Like I told her, she comes first now.
“Will. It’s Thursday night. I have a feeling wherever you’re taking me, it’s not that much of a surprise. Are we going to Club N9NE?”
“Maybe.”
She smiles. “Are you doing a slam for me?”
I wink at her. “Maybe.” I reach over and take her hand in mine.
“We’re leaving early, though. Are you actually taking me out to eat? No grilled cheese tonight?”
“Maybe,” I say again.
She rolls her eyes. “Will, this date is going to be my suck for the day if you don’t become a little more talkative.”
I laugh. “Yes, we’re going to Club N9NE. Yes, we’re going to dinner first. Yes, I wrote a slam for you. Yes, we’re leaving the club early so we can go back to my house and hardcore make out in the dark.”
“You just became my sweet,” she says.
“OUT OF ALL the restaurants in Detroit, you chose a burger joint,” I say, shaking my head. I take her hand and lead her toward the club entrance. I like to give her a hard time, but I love that she chose a burger joint.
“Bite me. I like burgers.”
I wrap my arms around her and nip at her neck. “I like you.” I keep my arms wrapped around her and my lips attached to her neck as we walk through the door. She pries my fingers from around her waist and presses her palm against my forehead, pushing me away from her neck. “You need to be a gentleman in public. No more kissing until we’re back in your car.”
I lead her back to the exit. “Well, in that case, we’re done here. Let’s go.”
She yanks my hand back. “No way. If you plan on seducing me on your couch later, you have to seduce me with your words, first. You promised a performance tonight and we’re not leaving until I see one.” She walks me toward the booth that Eddie and Gavin saved us seats in. She scoots in beside Eddie and I scoot in beside her.
“Hey,” Eddie says, eyeing us curiously.
“Hey,” Lake and I say simultaneously. Eddie’s expression grows even more curious.
“This is weird,” Eddie finally says.
Gavin nods. “It is weird. It really is.”
“What’s so weird?” Lake asks.
“You two,” Eddie says to Lake. “I know you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks now, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen you with him. Like this, anyway. You know, all in love and stuff. It’s just weird.”
“Oh, shut up,” Lake says.
“It’ll take some getting used to. It just seems like you’re doing something wrong. Something illegal,” Eddie says.
“I’m twenty-one,” I say defensively. “I’m not even a teacher anymore. What’s so weird about it?”
“I dunno,” she says. “It’s just weird.”
“It is weird,” Gavin says again. “It really is.”
I can see their point, but I think they’re overreacting. Especially Gavin. He’s known how I’ve felt about Lake for months. “What exactly is so weird?” I put my arm around Lake’s shoulders. “This?” I turn and kiss Lake hard on the mouth until she laughs and pushes me away. We both turn back to Eddie and Gavin and they’re still staring at us like we’re a freak show.
“Gross,” Eddie says, crinkling up her nose.
I pick up a sugar packet and toss it in Eddie’s direction. “Go sit somewhere else, then,” I tease.
Gavin picks up the sugar packet and throws it back at me. “We were here first.”
“Then deal with it,” I say.
The table grows quiet and it’s obvious Lake and Eddie have no idea Gavin and I are only kidding around.
“Personally,” Gavin says, leaning forward. “I thought you and Mrs. Alex made a much better couple.”
I shrug. “She shot me down. I had to go with my second choice,” I say, nudging my head toward Lake.
Lake scoffs at the same time the emcee begins speaking into the microphone.
“The sac has been preselected tonight, due to time constraints by the performer. Everyone please welcome Will Cooper back to the stage.”
The crowd starts clapping and I slide out of the seat. Lake arches her eyebrow. “Time constraints?” she says.
I bend down and press my lips to her ear. “I already told you we can’t stay long. We’ll be really, really, really busy after this.” I kiss her on the cheek and walk to the stage. I don’t even give myself time to prepare. I begin my poem as soon as I reach the microphone so that I don’t waste another second. “My piece is called The Gift. . . .”
If my dad were alive, he’d be sitting right there
Watching me up here, with a smile on his face
He’d be proud of the man I’ve become
He’d be proud that I stepped up to take his place
If my mother were alive, she’d be at home
Teaching my brother all the things she taught me
She’d be proud of the man I’ve become
She’d be proud of who I grew up to be
But they aren’t here. They haven’t been for a while.
It takes time, but it’s starting to make sense.
I still miss them every time I take a breath.
Their absence will never go unnoticed.
But every smile on your face seems to replace
A memory I’d rather not hold
Each time you laugh, it fills a void
Each kiss heals another wound in my soul
If my dad were here, he’d be sitting with you
He’d be hugging you . . . saying thank you.
Thank you for saving my boy.
Thank you for bringing light to his world.
If my mother were here, she’d be so happy
To finally have a daughter in her life
She’d love you as much as I love you
She’d make me promise to one day make you my wife
But they aren’t here. They haven’t been for a while.
But I can feel their pride. I can feel their smiles.
I can hear them say, “You’re welcome, Will.”
When I thank them for sending you from heaven.
AS SOON AS I return to the booth she’s trying to thank me with a hug, but instead I grab her hand and wave over my shoulder as I pull her to the exit. “See you guys later,” I say to Gavin and Eddie. I don’t even wait for them to say good-bye as we make our way to the door. I remain two steps in front of Lake the entire way back to the car, practically dragging her along behind me. I can’t think of anything but being alone with her tonight. We’re never alone and I need some uninterrupted, alone time with her before I go crazy.
When we reach the car, I practically shove her inside, then climb into the driver’s seat. I crank the car, then turn toward her and grab her shirt and pull her mouth to mine while I back out of the parking spot.
“Will, do you realize your car is moving?” she says, attempting to pull away from my grip. I glance out the rear window and cut the steering wheel to the right, then turn back to her.
“Yep. We need to hurry. You’ve got a curfew and that only gives us two more hours together.” I press my lips to hers again and she shoves my forehead back with the palm of her hand.
“Then stop kissing me and drive. It won’t be much fun making out with you when you’re dead.”
“PULL OVER,” SHE says, several houses down from my driveway.
“Why?”
“Just pull over. Trust me.”
I pull over and park the car on the side of the street. She leans across the seat and kisses me, then pulls the keys from the ignition. “If my mom sees your car, she’ll know we’re back. She told me to bring you to my house if we came home early. She doesn’t want us alone at your house. Let’s sneak in through your back door and we can come get your car later.”
I stare at her in awe. “I think I’m in love with your brain,” I say.
We both exit the car and run toward the back of the house we parked in front of. We make our way behind the fence, then crouch down and run across three backyards until we reach mine. I take the keys out of her hands and unlock the back door. Why do I feel like I’m breaking in? It’s my house.
“Don’t turn on the lights. She’ll know we’re back,” I say as I help her make her way through the darkened doorway.
“I can’t see,” she says.
I put my arm around her back and bend down, scooping her legs up with my other arm. “Allow me.”
She throws her arms around my neck and squeals. I walk her until we’ve reached the couch and gently lay her down. I take off my jacket and slip off my shoes, then reach down until I find her. I slide my hand down the length of her legs until I reach her feet, then I remove her shoes while she slips off her jacket.
“Anything else you need me to remove?” I whisper.
“Uh-huh. Your shirt.”
I immediately agree with that and pull my shirt over my head. “Why are we whispering?” I ask her.
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
The sound of her voice when she whispers . . . knowing she’s on her back . . . on my couch.
The significance of the next two hours is almost more than I can handle, knowing the things that could occur between us. I recognize that, so rather than lower myself on top of her, I kneel on the floor next to the couch. As much as I want her, I want to take it at her pace tonight, not mine. I tend to be extremely impatient when it comes to her.
I find her cheek in the dark and turn her face toward mine. When I touch her, her breath hitches. I feel it, too. I’ve touched her face countless times before, but somehow in the dark with absolutely no interruptions, it seems a hell of a lot more intimate.
She moves her hand to the back of my neck and I press my lips lightly against hers. They’re wet and cold and perfect, but as soon as I part her lips and taste her, perfect becomes the understatement of the year.
She responds to my kiss tentatively. We’re both slowly exploring our limits and I want to be sure I’m not taking it too fast this time. My hand remains on her cheek while we kiss, then I begin to slowly move it down her neck, trailing over her shoulder and down to her hip. Each movement I make only seems to encourage her, so I slip my hand underneath her shirt and grip her waist. I wait for any indication that she wants me to stop.
Or go further.
She presses her hands into my back, pulling me forward, indicating she wants me on the couch with her.
“Lake,” I say, pulling back several inches. “I can’t. If I get on this couch with you . . .” I release a deep breath. “Just trust me. I can’t get on this couch with you.”
She reaches down to my hand that’s still gripping her by the waist. She slides my hand up her stomach and doesn’t stop until my hand is covering the cup of her bra.
Holy shit.
“I want you on the couch with me, Will.”
I immediately pull my hand away, but only because I need her shirt off. I practically yank it over her head and immediately join her on the couch. As soon as I lower myself on top of her and feel her pressed against my chest, I kiss her again and return my hand right where she put it. She smiles and wraps her legs around me as I kiss my way down her chin, straight to her neck.
“I can feel your heartbeat right here,” I say, kissing the base of her throat. “I like it.”
She takes my hand and slips it beneath her bra this time. “You can feel it beating right here, too.”
I bury my face in the couch and groan. “Oh, my god, Lake.”
I want to touch her. I want to feel all of her. I don’t know what’s stopping me. Why the hell am I so nervous?
“Will?”
I pull my face away from the couch, very aware that my hand is still tucked safely beneath her bra. My hand has never been happier. “You want me to slow down? I will, Lake. Just tell me.”
She shakes her head and runs her hands down my back. “No. I want you to speed up.”
My hesitation immediately disappears with those words. I slide my hand around her back and unfasten her bra, then slide it down her shoulders. I drop my mouth to her skin and as soon as the softest moan escapes her lips, my hand finds its way back to where she planted it earlier. I lower my lips, then immediately freeze at the sound of a key turning in the front door.
“Shh.” About that time, the front door swings open and my living room light flicks on. I lift my head far enough to peer over the back of the couch and see Julia walking toward the hallway. I drop my head to Lake’s neck. “Shit. It’s your mom.”
“Shit,” she whispers, frantically pulling her bra back up. “Shit, shit, shit.”
I clamp my hand over her mouth. “She might not notice us. Be still.”
Our hearts are pounding now faster than they’ve ever pounded before. I know this, because my palm is still firmly planted right on top of Lake’s breast. Apparently she recognizes the awkwardness of the moment, too.
“Will, move your hand. This is weird.”
I pull my hand away. “What is she doing here?”
Lake shakes her head. “I have no idea.”
And that’s when it happens. I’ve heard people can see their lives flash before their eyes in the moments before death.
It’s true.
Julia walks back into the room and screams.
I jump off Lake.
Lake jumps off the couch and there it is. My entire life flashes before my eyes the moment Julia sees Lake standing in my living room, fastening her bra.
“It’s just us,” I blurt out. I don’t know why I chose those words to be my possible last words. Julia is standing with her hand over her mouth, staring at us wide-eyed. “It’s just us,” I say again, as if she doesn’t already know that.
“I was . . .” Julia holds up Caulder’s pillow. “Caulder wanted his pillow,” she says. She looks back and forth between us and in a split second, her expression turns from fear to anger. I immediately reach down and retrieve Lake’s shirt, then hand it to her.
“Mom,” Lake says. She doesn’t follow it up with anything else because she has no idea what to say.
“Go home,” Julia says to Lake.
“Julia,” I say to Julia.
“Will?” Julia says to me, cutting a warning shot in my direction. “I’ll deal with you later.”
As soon as the words come out of Julia’s mouth, Lake’s face turns from embarrassed to really, really angry. “Mom, we’re adults! You can’t talk to him like that!” Lake yells. “And you can’t prevent us from making out! This is ridiculous.”
I grab Lake’s elbow in an attempt to calm her down. “Don’t, babe,” I say quietly.
She looks at me defensively. “She can’t tell me what to do, Will. I’m an adult.”
I calmly place my hand on her shoulder. “Lake, you’re still in high school. You live under her roof. I shouldn’t have brought you here, I’m sorry. She’s right.” I lean in and kiss her briefly to calm her, then I take her shirt and help her pull it over her head.
“Oh, my God!” Julia yells. “Are you kidding me, Will? Don’t help her put her clothes back on! I’m standing right here!”
What the hell am I thinking?
I release the shirt and hold my palms up in the air, then back away from Lake. She looks at me apologetically and whispers, “I’m sorry,” then heads toward the door.
The door doesn’t even shut before Julia begins yelling at her. “You’ve been dating him for two weeks, Lake! What do you think you’re doing going that far with him that fast?” The door finally closes and I sink back to the couch, feeling incredibly stupid. Incredibly guilty. Incredibly pathetic. Yet . . . somehow still incredibly happy.
I reach down and am picking my own shirt up when the front door swings open again. Julia has a grip on Lake’s arm and marches her straight back into the living room, then positions her on the couch across from me.
“This can’t wait,” Julia says. “I don’t even trust that y’all won’t start this back up tonight as soon as I go to bed.”
Lake is looking at me the same way I’m looking at her. Confused.
Julia turns to Lake. “Are y’all having sex already?”
Lake groans and covers her face with her hands.
“You are?”
“No!” Lake says defensively. “We haven’t had sex yet, okay?”
I’m watching the conversation between them, hoping to hell I don’t get involved in it.
“Yet?” Julia says. “So you’re going to?”
Lake stands and throws her hands up in the air. “What do you want me to say, Mom? I’m eighteen! Do you want me to tell you I’ll be celibate forever? Because that would be a lie.”
Julia rolls her head back and looks up at the ceiling for several seconds. When she looks at me, I dart my eyes to the floor. I’m so embarrassed I can’t even look at her.
“Where’s your car?” she says flatly.
I glance at Lake, then to Julia. “At the end of the street,” I reluctantly admit.
“Why?” she asks accusingly, and rightfully so.
“Mom, stop. This is ridiculous.”
Julia turns her attention to Lake. “Ridiculous? Really, Lake? What I find ridiculous is the fact that you two parked at the end of the street and snuck over here to have sex less than a hundred yards from your mother. You’ve only been dating him for two weeks! What I also find ridiculous is that you’re acting like you did nothing wrong, when it’s obvious you were trying to hide it by parking at the end of the damn street!”
We’re all quiet for a moment. Lake leans her head against the back of the couch and closes her eyes. “What now, then? If you’re going to ground me let’s just get it over with so you can stop embarrassing me.”
Julia sighs an extremely frustrated sigh. She walks over to the couch, taking a seat next to Lake. “I’m not trying to embarrass you, Lake. I just . . .”
Julia sighs again and drops her face into her hands.
Lake rolls her eyes again.
I groan.
Julia lifts her head from her hands and takes a deep breath. “Lake?” she says quietly. “I just . . .” She attempts to get out what she wants to say, but her eyes well up with tears. When Lake realizes Julia is crying, she sits up straight.
“Mom,” Lake says, scooting closer to her. She puts her arms around Julia and hugs her. Seeing her care for her mom despite her frustration with her absolutely melts my heart. It makes me love her even more, somehow.
Julia separates from Lake and wipes at her eyes. “Ugh!” she says. “This is so hard for me. You have to understand that.” She turns to Lake and takes her hands. “I don’t want to play the sick card, but it’s impossible not to. We’re at this transition in our lives where you’re becoming the grown-up. Sometime this year, as much as we don’t want to admit it, you’ll be raising my little boy. It breaks my heart to know that I’m responsible for you being forced to grow up so fast. I’m forcing you to become his guardian. I’m forcing you to become the head of a household at eighteen. It’s not fair to you. All the other areas of your life like falling in love and enjoying high school and new boyfriends and . . . having sex? I just feel like these are the last things you have left before you’re forced to grow up completely. I know I can’t slow down the inevitable, but I’m taking away every other part of your youth by leaving you with all of this responsibility. Until that time comes, I guess I just want you to stop growing up. For my sake. Just stop growing up so fast.”
As soon as she finishes speaking, Lake begins to cry. “I’m sorry,” she says to Julia. “I get it, Mom. I’m sorry.”
I feel like an ass. “I’m sorry, too,” I say to Julia.
Julia smiles at me and wipes at her eyes. “I’m still mad at you, Will.” She stands up and looks at both of us. “Okay. Now that we have that out of the way.” She turns her attention to Lake. “I’m taking you to the doctor tomorrow. You’re getting on the pill.” She turns to face me. “And both of you need to think about this. There’s no rush. You have the rest of your lives to be in a hurry. You both need to set good examples for these boys who look up to you. Sneaking around is not the kind of thing you want to be modeling. You think they don’t notice, but they do. And you two are going to be the ones dealing with them as teenagers, so believe me. You don’t want them throwing your own actions back in your faces.”
She makes a terrifying, but excellent point.
“I want you both to promise me something,” she says.
“Anything,” I say.
“Wait one year. There’s no rush. You’re both still young, so young. You’ve been dating all of two weeks and believe me when I say this, the more you know about each other and the more in love you are, the better it’ll be.”
I do my best to pretend this is not coming out of my girlfriend’s mother’s mouth, but it doesn’t help ease the awkwardness.
“Mom,” Lake groans, sinking back into the couch.
“We promise,” I say, standing up. I immediately regret making the promise to her, knowing what that will entail. An entire year of having to keep myself in check around Lake is like agreeing to infinity. Especially after being on that couch with her tonight.
“I’m sorry, Julia. Really. I respect Lake and I respect you and . . . I’m sorry. We’ll wait. I love Lake and that’s all I need from her right now. Just knowing I can love her is more than enough.”
Lake sighs and I look over at her. She’s smiling at me. She stands up and throws her arms around my neck. “God, I love you,” she says. She pulls away from my neck and kisses me.
“Make sure that kiss is a good one, Lake, because you’re grounded for two weeks.”
Lake and I both snap our heads in Julia’s direction.
“Grounded?” Lake says incredulously.
Julia nods. “Regardless of how much I love your boyfriend . . . you snuck over here knowing I told you I didn’t want you alone at his house. So, yeah. You’re grounded. I’ll give you five minutes to say your good-byes and get home.” Julia walks out and shuts the door behind her.
“Two weeks?” I say to Lake. I press my lips to hers and kiss her crazy for five solid minutes.
I MADE IT twenty-one years without her. After meeting her earlier this year, I somehow made it three months without her. Now, after finally being able to date her, I’ve had to go another two weeks without her. But these past two weeks have been the most unbearable two weeks without her of my entire twenty-one years.
I know it’s not even eight in the morning and it might seem desperate if I show up at her door this early, but we’ve been waiting for these two weeks to pass for what feels like an eternity. I rush across the street and am lifting my hand to knock on the door when it swings open and she jumps into my arms, showering kisses all over my face.
“Way to play hard to get,” I hear Julia say from behind Lake. I put Lake down and shake my head slightly, letting her know we need to tone it down. Lake rolls her eyes and pulls me inside.
“What are we doing today?” she asks.
“Whatever you want. I was thinking maybe we could take the boys somewhere.”
“Really?” Julia says from the kitchen. “That would be great. I need a day of peace after being cooped up in this house with your mopey girlfriend for two weeks.”
Lake laughs and pulls me toward the hallway. “Come to my room while I get ready.” We disappear down the hallway and into her room. She shuts the door and pulls me to her bed. She falls back and I fall on top of her, our lips reconnecting after the torturous time they had to spend apart.
“I missed you so much,” I whisper.
“Not as much as I missed you.”
We kiss some more.
And some more.
And some more.
I wish we didn’t have to leave this bedroom, because I could do this all day. She’s already working her hands up the back of my shirt and I’m groaning into her neck, remembering how close I got to actually being with her two weeks ago. I want to run my hand up her shirt, or touch her waist, or pull her legs around me, but I have no idea what’s safe with her now. Now that we have to wait a whole damn year.
Why did I agree to that? As much as I understand where Julia was coming from, I still don’t know how in the hell we’re going to wait an entire year. Especially considering how much it’s already driving me insane.
“Babe,” I say, pulling my lips away from hers. “We need to talk about this.” I lift up and sit on the bed beside her.
“About what? Our plans today?”
I shake my head. “No.” I lean forward and kiss her again. “This,” I say, waving my hand up and down her body. “We need to talk about what’s okay and what’s not. I really want to respect the promise we made to your mother, but at the same time there’s no way in hell I can keep my hands off you. I just need to know what my boundaries are before I slip up.”
She smiles at me. “So you’re saying we need to set limits to how far we can go?”
I nod. “Exactly. I need you to tell me when I’ve reached the point of retreat.”
She grins mischievously. “Well, there’s only one way to find out what our boundaries are. I guess we need to test them.”
I smile and scoot back down beside her, slowly looking her up and down. “I like that idea.” I brush away a strand of hair from her face and kiss her softly on the mouth. I run my nose across her jawline and kiss my way to her ear. “How’s this? Should I retreat yet?”
She shakes her head. “Hell, no. Not even close.”
I place my hand on her shoulder and slowly run my fingers down her arm, resting my hand on her waist. I lean in until my lips are barely touching hers again. “How about this?” I ask her. I part her lips with my tongue, sliding my hand beneath her shirt and across her stomach. The muscles in her stomach clench beneath my palm. “Is this your point of retreat?” I whisper.
She shakes her head slowly. “Nope. Keep going.”
I lower my lips to her neck and my fingers crawl up her stomach and come to a stop where her bra usually is, if she were wearing one right now. I bury my head in her pillow and groan. “God, Lake. Seriously? Are you trying to kill me?”
She shakes her head again. “Not retreating yet. Keep going.”
I raise my head away from her pillow and scroll over her lips with my eyes. My thumb grazes her breast and that’s when we both lose it. Our lips crash together, and as soon as I cup her breast, she moans into my mouth and wraps a leg around my thigh. I immediately slide off her and stand up.
“I think we found my point of retreat,” I say, breathing heavily. I run my hands through my hair and back up to the wall, putting a safe distance between us. “You need to get dressed so we can leave. I can’t be alone in here with you right now.”
She laughs and rolls off the bed, then heads to her closet. “And Lake? If you want to survive the day without being completely mauled by me, make sure you put on a bra.” I wink at her and walk out of the room.