Am I late? Lorenzo would know, or he’ll have it written down on his calendar. I wonder if I can get a look at it without him knowing because I don’t fancy peeing on a stick while he breathes down my neck. Also, I don’t want to get his hopes up only to disappoint him if it turns out I’m not pregnant. We’ve had enough disappointment this week.
At the top of the stairs, I listen for the sounds of anyone moving about. At this time of day, if Lorenzo has nothing else to do, he works out in the basement. I head down to his med room and approach his desk, a guilty feeling spreading through me. The last time I was caught reading something of his, it caused a huge fight. The desk drawers are closed, but I know they’re full of notebooks that contain his violent, intrusive thoughts. His nightmares and his fantasies, all written in a messy scrawl. Their sisters are in those books. I’m in those books. I was horrified at first by what Lorenzo had written. Now, the sight of him bent over a notebook lost in his writing makes my heart hurt, but it also makes me proud. He’s faced demons more terrifying than most people could bear, but they didn’t break him. My Lorenzo is strong.
Thankfully, I don’t have to go through his drawers for his calendar as it’s sitting on the desk. There’s a red ring around one of the dates last month, and I count forward twenty-eight days. My period was due six days ago.
Six is nothing. My period could come at come any moment.
And yet my heart is suddenly beating faster.
I head for the stairs just as Lorenzo appears at the far end of the corridor. He’s dressed in sweats and a T-shirt with a towel over one shoulder, and his face is glowing with perspiration.
I pretend I don’t see him and hurry up the stairs.
“Princess? What are you up to?”
Damn him. How does he know I’m up to something?
“Nothing!” I call over my shoulder.
I walk straight through to my bathroom and pick up a pregnancy test. I’m definitely not pregnant but I won’t be able to relax today until I take one of these things. The instructions from the box are simple enough. Pee on this end, wait a few minutes and a plus sign means you’re pregnant.
On a whim, I take out a bunch of tests and rinse out an empty box of cotton swabs and pee in that. One test might not be accurate. I should probably do more, and why not four? Four is my lucky number. I smile to myself as I imagine doing this ritual every month. Four pregnancy tests, one for each of my men.
A few minutes later, I have four tests lined up on the counter and I’m sitting on the closed toilet, heels bouncing up and down. I’m certain the results will be negative, but do I want them to be positive? The sensible thing would be to hope that I’m not pregnant yet as none of us are prepared for a baby. But sense went out the window when Cassius decided he wasn’t going to pull out anymore.
As I stare at the four tests, déjà vu surges through me. These sticks remind me of something but I can’t put my finger on what.
Then I realize. They look like the neat line of tombstones from my nightmare.
There’s a footfall outside my bedroom door and Lorenzo calls my name. I pull open a drawer, scoop all the tests into it and push it closed. When Lorenzo comes in I’m applying toothpaste to my toothbrush.
“I asked you what you’re up to,” he says his eyes narrowed.
I smile brightly. “I’m brushing my teeth. Good workout?”
“Fine, thanks.” He frowns and glances around the room, but nothing seems amiss. “I’m going for a shower and then I’ll make us coffee, okay?”
“Sure!”
I must sound too chirpy because he hesitates in the doorway, those intense blue eyes of his scouring my face. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
I shake my head, still smiling. It’s not a lie, technically, because I don’t want to tell him anything right now. After he leaves, I stare at the drawer. The results will probably have developed by now.
I put down my toothbrush and walk away.
I’m distracted for the rest of the day, gnawing on my nails and staring out the window. Lorenzo keeps giving me funny looks until he finally slaps my hand away from my mouth.
“Would you quit doing that? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just thinking about things.”
“Is it yesterday? Are you thinking about your father?”
I give a non-committal nod and say uncertainly, “Yeah.”
“You don’t sound very sure. If you don’t tell me, I can’t fucking help you,” he growls and stalks off.
He’s right. I know he is. I’m afraid that if I look at those tests I’ll see the row of tombstones again, and I’d rather dream of being stabbed in the throat by my father than think about my men dying.
Around seven in the evening, I hear the gates out front opening and cars driving into the underground garage. A moment later, Salvatore, Cassius, and Vinicius walk through the door.
“What’s going on?” I ask them.
Cassius presses a kiss to my mouth. “We’re having dinner together. I hope you’re hungry because Lorenzo suggested ordering Chinese.”
I give him a tight smile, realizing I’ve lost my appetite. Lorenzo is watching me silently from the other side of the room. It’s not unusual for us all to eat together, but I have the feeling that he invited the others over so that one of them could discover what’s eating me.
No one seems in a hurry to order food just yet. Lorenzo throws a bag of peanuts on the table and the men chat about their day. I sit silently in an armchair, the same thoughts revolving through my mind.
If I am pregnant…
It was a nightmare, not a vision…
Just get it over with…
I mutter something about using the bathroom and go upstairs. I close my eyes, open the drawer, and stuff all the tests in my jeans without looking at them. I also grab the instructions out of the trash and slip them into my back pocket.
Downstairs, the four of them stop talking as I stand in the middle of the room.
“You okay, baby?” Salvatore asks, his blue-green eyes filled with concern.
I take a deep breath. “Over the past few weeks, I told you all something individually. Now I have something to tell you all together.”
Vinicius smiles at me. “We love you too, kitten. It’s all right. Don’t look so terrified.”
“It’s not that.” I look from one of them to the next. “I’m late.”
Lorenzo’s face splits into a grin. “I fucking knew it. You were creeping around doing secret shit this morning. Why didn’t you tell me you were taking a pregnancy test? I could have helped you.”
“You think you’re pregnant?” Salvatore asks, shooting to his feet. “Let’s do a test now!”
“I already did. I took four tests this morning, one for each of you. But I haven’t looked at the results yet.”
I indicate my jeans pocket, and Vinicius’ eyes widen. “Can we see?”
Haltingly, I dig the tests out and place them on the coffee table. They stare at them, and then at me.
“What do they mean?”
“Is that positive or…?”
“Chiara, are you pregnant?”
“Oh, shit. The instructions.” I tug them out and place them next to the tests.