When Mara finally lifts her head and sits back on my thighs, the silver rings on her chest glint in the moonlight. We’ve yet to turn on any lamps. Stars reflect on the glassy ocean below us, like half have fallen down into the water.
I say, “Those rings are the only useful thing Shaw has ever done.”
Mara’s mouth falls open, letting out an outraged laugh.
“That’s so fucked up!” she cries.
“Oh shut up,” I say. “You like them too.”
Mara smacks me hard on the shoulder, unable to hide that I’m right.
“Why is that?” I ask her.
She considers.
“They suit me. I like the way they feel. And in a strange way, as awful as that night was, it brought me to you. The value in horrible things is what you make of them. As long as you’re alive, you can still turn shit into gold.”
“You’re glad you’re here?” I ask her, my eyes intently fixed on her face. Wanting to know the truth, whatever she might say.
“Yes,” Mara says softly, without hesitation.
“Why?”
I’m thinking it’s what I bring her: the money, the clothes, the connections, the orgasms.
Mara grins. “I told you. It’s interesting. And I hate being bored.”
“Me too,” I say, just as passionate on this topic as Mara. “I really fucking hate it.”
3
Mara
When I first came to Cole’s house, I thought our confrontation with Shaw was imminent.
Instead, Cole sucks me into a cycle of long bouts of labor on our respective work, hedonistic meals to recover, and wild, experimental sex.
Cole meant what he said, that he would always be with me, always by my side. He even breaks his own routine of working in his private studio, joining the rest of us plebs in the shared building.
With all his designs and materials filling the largest studio at the end of the hall, we’re never further than a few doors down from each other.
This is to protect me from Shaw, but also to satisfy Cole’s obsessive need to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment.
It should feel suffocating, but it doesn’t. Probably because Cole is not trying to interfere with what I want to do. Quite the opposite. He wants to help me so he can increase my reliance on him.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s going to pull the rug out from under me. Will he suddenly become violent and cruel when he thinks he has me trapped?
It’s hard to believe he could still be tricking me, that he has some secret plan. I’ve seen him in too many unguarded moments.
But I may only be fooling myself.
Many people have believed they knew Cole, that he was their friend.
I don’t know if that has ever been true.
He does seem to have some real affection for Sonia. He certainly respects how good she is at her job. She accomplishes her tasks creatively and effectively, without instructions from Cole. As kind as she’s always been to me, she has an edge of ruthlessness when getting things done. I’ve heard her cut the Artists’ Guild panel down to size when they dare oppose what Cole has ordered.
I don’t believe Sonia’s warmness to me is only because Cole expects it. She regularly comes to see my work, seeming to feel real pleasure when I’m invited to participate in another show, or when another painting sells.
On one of the last weeks of November, she comes to my doorway, carrying two mugs of tea.
Sonia doesn’t ferry tea for anyone, not even herself—that’s Janice’s job. So I know she’s here for a reason.
“Cream and sweetener, right?” she says, pressing a mug into my hand.
“Thank you,” I say gratefully.
As much as I love all the bare glass in my studio, it’s difficult to keep the space warm. Even with an oversized cardigan and fingerless gloves, I’m still chilly. The air lies heavy and wet outside my window, opaque as milk. Trails of condensation run down the glass like tears.
“Cole told me he’s been working on a design for Corona Heights Park,” Sonia says.
“He has a few ideas. I don’t think he knows which he wants to submit.”
I sip the tea, which is deeply steeped and just the right temperature.
Sonia mirrors me, watching over the rim of her mug. “He’s been asked to do monumental sculpture several times before. He always refused.”
I shrug. “I guess he’s ready for it now.”
Sonia lets that sit between us for a moment, taking another slow sip of her tea.
She remarks, “He’s different since he met you. He smiles occasionally. And he hasn’t made Janice cry in weeks.”
I squeeze my mug, trying to draw warmth through the smooth ceramic.
“I don’t know that I have any great effect on him. No tree can stop a landslide.”
Sonia’s mouth quirks up, enjoying that analogy.
“I’d call him a volcano. You can survive a landslide … not a lava flow.”
I can’t tell if that’s a warning.
If it is, Sonia’s giving it from inside the volcano’s umbra. She’s not safe from Cole either.
She’s worked for him for the better part of a decade. As brilliant and observant as Sonia is, I have no doubt that she’s learned some of his secrets. Whether he intended to share them or not.
Yet she remains unusually loyal to her boss.
I set my tea down, picking up my brush once more, loading it with paint.
My new canvas perches on the easel, the shapes blocked out, but work only just beginning.
Swiping my brush gently across the virgin space I ask Sonia, “You have a son, don’t you?”
Her manicured nails tap against her mug. “Did Cole tell you that?”
“No. I saw you carrying a backpack out the other day. From the Cuphead patches and the skateboarding stickers, I guessed he’s about twelve.”
“Thirteen.” I can hear Sonia’s smile, the affection in her voice. “His name is Will. He goes to the STEM school in Laurel Heights.”
“Oh, so he’s a genius then.” I grin.
“Yes,” Sonia laughs. “And like all geniuses, absent-minded—he forgets that damn backpack in my car at least once a week.”
I dip my brush onto the palette, adding a little more navy into the silvery gray.
“Will lives with you full-time?”