I grab his hand, which is soaked with sweat. “I know. Sometimes the truth has to hit us over the head before we can see it,” I say, thinking about Ruby, realizing now that going back had never been about fighting to stay with Max, it had been about learning to push beyond my fear to find clarity, even if it meant I might get hurt.
We both digest my words, our hands still locked together as we watch the palm trees swing hard with each wind gust stretching toward the sky but their trunks solid and secure. Exactly how I felt at this moment. “Max, I know about Courtney.”
The color drains from his face as he opens his mouth to respond. “How—”
“Does it even matter how?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nothing happened—I swear to you . . .” He looks down at his hands, wringing them like a wet dishrag. Finally he meets my eyes again. “I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something between us and I need to find out what it is.”
“I know that too,” I say, and sigh as Max releases his explanation fast and furiously, like each syllable makes him feel less guilty, telling me how hard he tried to fight it and how conflicted he’s been. I finally put my hand up to silence him. I’d already witnessed firsthand why Courtney and Max were meant to be together, I didn’t need to hear it from him again.
“Here’s the thing,” I begin, searching for the words to explain to him why I was so seemingly calm, despite the fact he was leaving me for someone I had considered a friend. Because the truth was, their betrayal still hurt—the searing pain had morphed into a dull ache that would reside in my chest for a long time to come. But it had become clear that they were the puzzle pieces that fit, not us. And as crazy as it might sound, there was a part of me that admired them for not letting life lead them around like it had them on a leash—the way I had let life lead me for so long.
I turn toward Max, letting myself look into his eyes. I may not be his soul mate, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we still have love for each other. “I think I’m finally learning that I can’t force something that isn’t meant to be.” I think about the battle I’d waged for Max, the energy I’d exerted to change the course of my life, thinking I could conjure my own happiness along with it. I squeeze Max’s hand tighter. “I just want you to be happy. And if she’s the person who can do that, then you have to follow your heart toward her.”
“Thank you. I want you to be happy too,” he says softly.
“I know you do,” I say. “And that’s why I’m letting you go.”
Max’s eyes search mine for the rest of the answers I can’t give him—he’d never believe me if I told him anyway. “And you can tell Courtney she can have custody of Magda. I’m sending my resignation later today,” I say, having decided before I made my wish that the best thing would be for me to leave the advertising agency. I knew Courtney was better at the job than I was anyway—I just didn’t have the same passion for it. And I was done fighting for Magda’s acceptance.
“Are you sure? Maybe you should think about it for a few days. Don’t make any rash decisions, especially after what happened last night. I don’t want you to regret anything.”
“I won’t,” I say definitively, but quickly adding, “It’s time for me to move on. And even though I meant it when I said I’m okay with everything, that doesn’t mean I want to see Courtney every day. My friendship with her is over, ” I say, gently reminding him that even though I wasn’t unraveling at the seams, there were still consequences to the choices they had made.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “But that’s okay too,” I say in the same breath. I wasn’t sure what my next career move was, but I had money saved and I knew I would take the time to figure out what I really wanted.
The cabdriver gives a short honk and leans out the window, gesturing that it’s time to go. “So, I guess this is good-bye?” Max says.
“It is,” I say, hugging him tightly and watching as he climbs into the taxi, looking back one last time as it pulls away from the curb.
? ? ?
“Un-fucking-believable!” Jules exclaims when I finish telling her about my exchange with Max. I had sat on the bench long after he left, with my legs curled up beneath me, breathing deeply, letting the fresh air penetrate my lungs until Jules had come rushing out, frantically looking for me. I had patted the seat beside me and filled her in, her mouth flying open as I revealed Max was in love with Courtney, it growing wider when I told her that I’d already made peace with it.
“Hey, so there’s something I need you to do for me,” I say.
“Anything.”
“When I cancel our honeymoon,” I say, thinking of the suite I had booked us on the remote island of Lanai, the way the lush green land reached the ocean, “I’m going to rebook it for next month. For you and Ben.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s already paid for. And I thought it might be a nice getaway for you guys. You know, to reconnect?”
“What about the kids?” she asks.
“I’ll watch them.”