“So, anyway, Kate. I’ve been confused. We’ve been so caught up in all this wedding stuff. It started to feel like”—he looks down at his glass—“like it was more about what wine we were going to serve than about us starting our life together. I began having doubts. And then, well, something happened. And I think you deserve to know.”
No. I can’t believe this is happening—again. Even sooner this time. My eyes fall to the black linen napkin in my lap as I try to press back the tears.
“Kate? You okay?” Max asks.
I look up and nod because I’m still too afraid to open my mouth.
“Oh, God, do you already know?” He takes a big drink of his wine.
Yes, I already know, but I will sit here patiently as you break my heart all over again.
“Max, just tell me whatever it is, please,” I finally say, bracing myself for the sting of the words.
“Courtney kissed me,” he says, his voice barely a whisper.
“What? When?” I ask, my voice rising. I press my mouth closed to keep from screaming.
“I did not kiss her back—I swear to you,” he says adamantly, and I believe him. Why tell me and then lie about the details?
“Why did she kiss you?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
“I think I might have given her the wrong impression. Not that I’m making excuses for her, but there was definitely a connection between us. I felt something in our friendship shift recently. And I’m not going to lie—it was really confusing. I started wondering if that meant there was a problem with you and me. I started thinking that if it was so easy for me to connect with someone else, then maybe that was a sign that you and I weren’t meant to be.” He shakes his head.
“So what happened?”
“A couple of nights ago, we were both working late, and she came into my office to ask me something about the health care plan I was enrolled in, and one minute I was telling her about why I went with a PPO instead of an HMO, and the next second, she’s got her mouth pressed against mine. When I didn’t kiss her back she stood there, almost shell-shocked, then stammered an apology and raced out in tears.” He pauses and looks at me, but I stay silent, so he continues. “After she left, I sat there for a long time. It was almost like her kissing me lifted this heavy fog that I’d been surrounded by. I had thought my confusion was about Courtney and how I might be developing feelings for her, but then I realized it was about us. That I’d felt so disconnected from you lately. You felt it too, right? I’m not crazy?” he asks, his eyes pleading.
“It’s not just you,” I say quietly, trying to absorb his words. Courtney had kissed him, and he’s choosing me. Max wants me. “I felt it too,” I add, the warmth from my chest rising to my cheeks. It was here in this restaurant that we had begun. How ironic that it would also become the place where we might get the chance to start over.
“But something changed. You’ve been so different and we felt right again. And that’s what I want—I want you. I want us.” He looks at me, anxious for my response. “Kate, do you still want us?” he finally asks.
I imagine Courtney primping in the mirror of the ladies’ bathroom before heading to Max’s office, her heart thudding in her chest as she swiftly unbuttons the top snap of her blouse before walking through his doorway. She makes a little small talk, asks her bogus insurance question, then puckers her lips, her pink gloss shimmering as she leans in toward Max, believing her kiss will be returned, that they will get their happily-ever-after. Maybe the first time around, she got a fairy-tale ending. But this time, it was my turn. Fate had led Max back to me.
“I do,” I finally say, reaching across the table to grab his hand, deciding that this is the moment when I won’t let Max slip away. Not again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
It’s interesting how differently people can react to bad news. Some cry, some seem almost catatonic, some even laugh. I’ve always found the way our mind and body works to protect us from pain to be fascinating. Like after my dad left, I never saw my mom cry—not once. In fact, as his U-Haul pulled away, us both watching from the window, my mom had chuckled. Then she’d clapped her hands together and proclaimed that we should go get hot fudge sundaes at Baskin-Robbins. I hadn’t known what to make of her reaction then, so I’d just followed her lead, biting back my own tears as the truck—and my secret hope that my dad wouldn’t go—disappeared. And now, after hearing about Courtney’s betrayal all over again, even though my heart had fallen to my feet so hard my chest actually felt empty, I wasn’t going to let Max see my pain. Because I knew even though it hurt like hell right now, I’d get through it. And in the end, it meant that Max and I would be together.
Relief spreads across Max’s face as he watches mine. “I—I didn’t think you’d react this way. I thought for sure . . .”
“I’d be upset?” I ask, thinking the old me would’ve been. The old me would’ve wanted to rip Courtney’s plump lips right off her perfect face and then kick Max where the sun don’t shine.