We faced each other for a long time while he waited for me to respond, but I said nothing. How could I explain something I didn’t understand, either? That the man I first met wasn’t the man I’d married?
I bit my lip, embarrassed to feel it trembling. “I loved him. I did. And that’s all you need to know.”
He blew out a long breath, then turned to go into the house. “I’m going to load up my truck with the boxes in the hall, and then I’m going to have a chocolate sundae. Don’t bother to see me out.”
I watched him head up the stairs, wondering not for the first time how I’d ever mistaken him for Cal. I closed the door and headed past the stairs and into the study, where the jumbled drawers of the hutch awaited me, my pocket feeling heavy with the weight of Cal’s ring. I opened the top drawer and stared into it for a long time, not seeing anything as I willed the tears I’d been holding back since my mother’s death to come. But they never did.
chapter 19
LORALEE
Loralee awoke with her hand over her mouth, as if even in her dreams she battled the constant nausea and stomach upset that she dealt with during her waking hours. She lay still for a moment, waiting to see if it would subside and trying to remember on which side of the bed she’d placed the garbage can, just in case.
The bedside clock ticked its slow progression through the early morning hours, a sound she was becoming more and more accustomed to as she began to find it difficult to sleep through an entire night. Very carefully she eased her way up the headboard, pausing so she wouldn’t jolt anything loose. Once there she paused again, taking stock before slowly leaning over to the bedside table, where she kept a roll of Tums. She chewed slowly, the sound of the crunching tablets loud in her head, then forced herself to swallow.
She’d already started planning for her descent back onto her pillow when she heard Owen’s voice. Her mother’s instinct pushed aside any lingering stomach upset as she slid from the bed, hitting her toe on the garbage can she’d forgotten was there as she made her way out of her room and into the hallway.
Owen’s Darth Vader night-light glowed dimly in the hall, guiding her to his open bedroom door, where she thought she heard very quiet singing. She stopped on the threshold when she realized it was Merritt, and she was sitting on the side of Owen’s bed. Loralee propped herself against the door frame, unwilling to interrupt, and listened. And then she almost laughed out loud as she recognized the words from the Gilligan’s Island theme song.
The song came to an abrupt halt. “I can’t remember the next part,” Merritt said quietly.
Owen’s loud whisper came back with, “‘The weather started getting rough.’”
“Oh, right. Although I think I should stop singing, because I don’t want to wake your mother. Unless you need to hear more to make you feel better.”
“I’m good,” he whispered.
“Good,” Merritt said. “Are you ready to tell me why you were crying?”
There was a long pause, and Loralee strained to hear.
“I miss my daddy.”
His voice was so full of hurt that Loralee thought she could now explain to people what a broken heart felt like, because hers must truly be splitting in half. She wanted to rush in and go to him, just as much as she knew that Merritt was right where they both needed her to be.
“I miss him, too.” Merritt’s voice cracked, and it took a moment before she continued. “He was a good daddy. Did he teach you how to swim and how to ride a bike?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Me, too. His jokes were pretty lame, though. Did he tell you the one about Ewie Gooey the worm?”
“Lots of times,” Owen said. “But I laughed each time so I wouldn’t hurt his feelings.”
“Yeah. I did, too. I guess that’s something else he taught you—to be mindful of others’ feelings.”
“Did he teach you that, too?”
There was a small pause. “Yes. It’s something I’m finding I still need to work on, but I’m trying.” She paused, and when she spoke again her voice was thick. “I’m sad that I didn’t get to see him before he died—and that was all my fault, not his. But I’m really glad that he had you, and that makes me feel a lot better. I think we can be happy that we both had him in our lives so that he could teach us important things we’re always going to need. Maybe we should think of that when we start missing him, so we won’t be so sad.”
It was quiet for a long moment, and Loralee wondered whether it was time to slip back into her room.
“Merritt?”
“Yes?”
“If everybody was only on the SS Minnow for a three-hour tour, how come they all had so much luggage?”