Despite my best intentions to find an escape from the Avenian camp, the realities of our situation complicated those plans. Now that they had Tobias for leverage, their work on me intensified. Even if the opportunity for escape arose, my strength to accomplish it was dwindling. Tobias offered to help where he could, but his treatment was little better than mine, and without my cooperation, things would only get worse for him.
In the same area from where I had released Mott and Imogen, Tobias and I were questioned about the plans for the war, this time by the lumpish troll, Terrowic, and another of Kippenger’s men. It was hard enough just to be there, with a clear view of the hill where Imogen had stood only days before. I repeatedly scanned the ridge, hoping against reason to see her, and then my focus would be taken again, back for another of their endless lines of questions.
“How many soldiers have you kept in Drylliad?” Terrowic asked.
“Don’t answer that!” Tobias begged, which earned him another punch to his gut. He doubled over, choking on his breath, and I felt the same pain within me.
“Give us a number.” The smaller one who spoke had a large mole on his chin that I constantly stared at with disgust, mostly because I knew my staring bothered him. “We’ll drag it out of you if we must.”
“No, you can’t do that,” I mumbled. It wasn’t their intentions I doubted, only the reality that there was nothing in me anymore. All of that had drained out, leaving behind only the dregs of any spirit I might have had once.
“We can do more than you think,” Terrowic said. “My king has been secretly corresponding with someone I’m told you know well. A nobleman named Bevin Conner.”
“Ex-noble,” I muttered. And it was no secret. I’d already made the connection between Conner and Vargan.
“Conner told us about the kitchen noble in Libeth, about your armies, and your fight with the captain of your guard. So even if you don’t want to talk, we’ll still learn what we want.”
Then I wouldn’t talk. I tried turning away, but he ordered someone to get a whip.
Whether it was for me or for Tobias, I couldn’t allow it to happen. So I called him back. “My commanders will expect you to get this information from me,” I said. “They’ll change all our plans. Don’t you see how useless this is?”
“We’ll determine what’s useless.” Terrowic had half the brains of anyone else in this camp, but made up for it by doubling the strength of his hits. He was round and fleshy, so at first I had underestimated him. But no longer. The worst of everything I’d received here had come from him.
“I’m certain that you understand uselessness better than anyone,” I said. “But I’ve had enough of this. Let me talk to the commander.”
Terrowic frowned. “You can’t trick a person who sees the red rose.”
Whatever that meant. Maybe he only had a third of a brain instead. He raised his hand against Tobias again, but I yelled, “Enough! Go get him now!” He paused and I added, “Get the commander, or I’ll tell him you think his daughters look like toads.”
“I never said —”
“You did, last night. You should speak more carefully when passing my dungeon.”
Terrowic lowered his hand, then told his companion to watch over us until he and the commander returned. While Terrowic stomped away, the mole man merely stood off to one side where he could watch the women pass by with their heavy loads of washing. It didn’t seem like the most interesting view to me, but maybe that was only because I had bigger issues on my mind.
With mole man distracted, I took a deep breath, hoping it would bring me some relief. When that failed to provide anything but more worry, I turned to Tobias. “I need to smile. Tell me something not awful.”
“Now?”
“There might never be a better time.”
“Okay.” He grinned as a story came to his mind. “The first two days after we began walking back to Carthya, after hearing of your death, both Amarinda and I were miserable.”
I arched an eyebrow. “This is the worst good story I’ve ever heard.”
“Hush. It’s coming.” Tobias’s eyes glazed as he was transported to that day. “Amarinda barely spoke a word for all that time, and I had no idea what I might say to her. It rained that night, and she and I were forced to take shelter beneath some thick underbrush. It was cold and so dark we could barely see our own fingers, and the night seemed to last forever.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if you understand what ‘not awful’ means,” I muttered.
“Hush!” Tobias smiled again. “But the next morning was beautiful. It was warm and sunny, with everything brightened by the rain. Even in Avenia, it looked to be a perfect day for walking. We hunted around for anything we might find to eat. The princess saw a large bush of wild berries and, in her hunger, hurried toward it. She was so eager, in fact, that she failed to notice the ground beneath her. She tripped on an exposed root and fell directly into a thick mud patch. The more she struggled to get out, the dirtier she became. I waded in to help her but fell also. By the time we were both out, there wasn’t an inch of our bodies not covered in mud.”
I chuckled. In all my time with Amarinda, I had never seen her make the slightest ungraceful movement of her hand, much less her entire body. Since I had once commented that she had dirt on her face, the possibilities for jokes now were endless. Now that I knew she wasn’t perfect, perhaps there was a future for her and me after all.
“Did you ever get the berries?” I asked.
“Eventually.” He smiled again. “At first, we were too filthy for eating. So we walked farther off the trail until we found a pool where the night’s storm had created a vibrant waterfall. Hours seemed to pass as we stood beneath the water to get clean again, and it took some time for our clothes to dry. Then we ate.”
I lost my smile and clicked my tongue, but he quickly shook his head. “Forgive the way that sounded. It wasn’t what you’re thinking.”
He started to say more, but by then Terrowic had returned with Commander Kippenger, who didn’t look at all pleased to be summoned here.
“We need a place to talk,” I said. “Privately.”
“Why not here?”
I glanced around and rolled my eyes toward Tobias and Kippenger’s men. “Because it’s not private, obviously.” He started to turn away, but I added, “I’ll give you what you want. But only if it’s just you and me.”
“No!” Tobias said. “Jaron, what are you doing?”
“Saving your life.” I turned back to Kippenger. “Well?”
He nodded at Terrowic and mole man. “One of you, take Jaron’s friend back to the dungeon. The other will wait here while this boy king and I talk.”
Tobias yelled my name as they unchained him, but I wouldn’t even look at him. He didn’t have to understand my decisions, or like them; they were my decisions to make.
It was much later that evening when Terrowic brought me back to the dungeon. My time with Kippenger hadn’t gone as well as I had hoped, and by then, I was exhausted and ached so badly that I couldn’t even sit up while he rechained me. Tobias begged for some soup for me, but Terrowic refused him. It didn’t matter. I didn’t have the strength to eat it anyway.
“While he’s held captive, you’re responsible for his life,” Tobias protested. “He’s entitled to some basic decency.”
“He’s entitled to nothing,” Terrowic replied. “If your king wanted basic decency, he should have included that in his bargain.”
“What bargain did he make?” Tobias turned to me. “Jaron, what bargain?”
“I told them everything.” It took all my willpower to force myself to a seated position. “Well, almost everything. I gave them enough to negotiate your release. When I see you safely away in the morning, I’ll tell them the rest.”
“No! Jaron, you didn’t!”
“What else am I supposed to do?” I yelled back. “Watch as they punish you for my silence? They’ll eventually get me to talk anyway, but you’ll be dead by then. At least this way, you’ll live.”
“And what about you?” he asked.
“They won’t let me go,” I whispered. “You know that. Not at any price.”
The reality of that was overwhelming, and I slumped against the cold rock wall. He looked me over with an expression of sympathy that I hated more than if he’d felt disappointment in me, or even anger. I turned away from him, but that didn’t protect me from the wretched feeling of being pitied.
“Tell me you’re not broken,” he said. “I know it must feel that way, but you can rise from this.”
“How would you know?” I snapped. “Do you bear the weight of an entire kingdom on your shoulders? Has an enemy country focused all its resources on destroying you?”
“No.”
“And did they take someone you love?”
“No, she’s —” Then Tobias caught himself and immediately switched. “Jaron, did you love Imogen?”
If he hoped for a confession, he wouldn’t get it. I rolled toward the wall and closed my eyes. “I loved everyone who’s been taken from me. So don’t tell me when I’m allowed to break.”