“You’d think she’d have picked up a few lessons in decorum over the years. How did Silvia not get ahold of her?” Leah said with a sneer.
“Need I remind you, she was raised as a Four. Same as you,” I shot back.
Her smug expression faltered, and she seemed to remember that she and Adele weren’t so different. Elayna, however, was a natural Three and kept on talking.
“You can bet, if I win, my family will either be trained or deported. I wouldn’t let any of them embarrass me like that.”
“What was so embarrassing?” I asked.
Elayna sucked her teeth. “She’s drunk. The queen and king of Swendway are here. She ought to be caged.”
I decided that was enough and walked away to get some wine of my own. Once I had a glass, I looked around and honestly couldn’t find a single place I wanted to settle. The whole reception was beautiful and interesting and completely aggravating.
I thought about what Elayna had said. If I ended up living in the palace, would I expect my family to change? I looked at the children running around, the people huddled together catching up. Wouldn’t I want Kenna to be exactly who she was, want her children enjoying all this no matter how they behaved?
How much would living at the palace change me?
Would Maxon want me to change? Was that why he was off kissing other girls? Because there was something not quite right about me?
Was the rest of the Selection going to feel this irritating?
“Smile.”
I turned, and Maxon snapped a picture of me. I bounced back in surprise. That unexpected picture wore out the last of my patience, and I turned away.
“Something wrong?” Maxon asked, lowering the camera.
I shrugged.
“What’s going on?”
“I just don’t feel like being a part of the Selection today,” I answered curtly.
Unfazed, Maxon stepped closer and lowered his voice. “Need someone to talk to? I could tug my ear right now,” he offered.
I sighed and tried to put a polite smile on my face. “No, I just need to think.” I went to leave.
“America,” he said quietly. I stopped and turned. “Have I done something?”
I hesitated. Should I ask about him kissing Olivia? Should I tell him how tense I was feeling around the girls now that things had changed between us? Should I tell him how I didn’t want to change myself or my family to be a part of this? I was about to let everything spill out when a shrill voice called from behind us.
“Prince Maxon?”
We turned, and Celeste was standing there, talking to the queen of Swendway. It was clear she wanted to have this conversation with Maxon on her arm. She waved, inviting him over.
“Why don’t you run along?” I said, my annoyance leaking into my voice again.
Maxon looked at me. The expression on his face reminded me that this was part of the deal. I was expected to share.
“Careful with that one.” I gave Maxon a quick curtsy and walked away.
I made my way toward the palace, and along the way noticed Marlee sitting alone. I didn’t even want to be with her right now, but I noticed she was parked on a bench near the back wall of the palace in the brutally hot sun, her closest companion a young, silent guard stationed just a few yards away.
“Marlee, what are you doing? Get under a tent before you burn your skin.”
She gave me a polite smile. “I’m happy here.”
“No, really,” I said, putting a hand around her arm. “You’ll look like my hair. You should—”
Marlee jerked her hand out of my grip, but spoke gently. “I want to stay here, America. I prefer it.”
There was a tension in her face she was trying to mask. I was sure she wasn’t upset with me, but something was going on.
“Fine. Try to get some shade soon, though. Sunburns hurt,” I said, attempting to cover my frustration, and walked toward the palace.
Once inside, I decided to go to the Women’s Room. I couldn’t be gone for too long, and at least that room would be empty. But when I went in, I found Adele sitting near the window and watching the scene unfold outside. She turned when I entered and gave me a small smile.
I walked over and sat next to her. “Hiding?”
She smiled. “Kind of. I wanted to meet you all and see my sister again, but I hate it when these things turn into state functions. They make me tense.”
“I’m not such a fan myself. I couldn’t imagine doing things like this all the time.”
“I bet,” she said lazily. “You’re the Five, right?”
The way she said it, it wasn’t an insult. More like she was asking if I was in the club. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“I remembered your face. You were sweet at the airport. It’s the kind of thing she would have done,” she said, nodding out the window toward the queen. She sighed. “I don’t know how she does it. She’s stronger than most people know.” I watched her pick up a wineglass and sip away.
“She does seem strong, but ladylike, too.”
Adele beamed. “Yes, but it’s more than that. Look at her now.”
I watched the queen. I noticed her eyes were trained across the lawn. I followed her gaze, and she was watching Maxon. He was speaking to the queen of Swendway next to Celeste while one of his cousins clung to his leg.
“He would have been a great brother,” she said. “Amberly had three miscarriages. Two before him, one after. She still thinks about it, she tells me so. And then I have six kids. I feel guilty every time I show up.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t think of it that way. I’ll bet she’s excited every time you visit,” I assured her.
She turned. “You know what makes her happy? You do. Do you know what she sees out there? A daughter. She knows that when this is all over, she’ll have two children.”
I turned from Adele to look at the queen again. “You think so? She seems a little distant. I haven’t even spoken to her yet.”
Adele nodded. “Just you wait. She’s terrified of becoming attached to all of you just to watch you leave. Once it’s a smaller group, you’ll see.”
I looked at the queen again. And then at Maxon. Back to the king. And then to Adele.
So much went through my head. How families are families, no matter their castes. How mothers all have their own worries to bear. How I really didn’t hate any of the girls here, no matter how wrong they might be. How everyone out there must be putting on a brave face for some reason or another. And finally, how Maxon had made me a promise.
“Excuse me. I have someone I need to talk to.”
She sipped her wine and happily waved me away. I ran out of the room, and back into the blinding sun of the gardens. I searched around for a moment and found that Maxon’s young cousin had begun chasing him around a shrub. I smiled and approached slowly.
Finally Maxon stopped, waving his hands in the air, admitting his defeat. As he laughed, he turned and saw me, his smile still wide on his face. When our eyes met, his smile faded. He searched my face, looking for a sign of my mood.
I bit my lip and looked down. It was clear that caring about what happened to me as a member of the Selection would mean processing a lot of other feelings that I hadn’t been prepared for. However I took them in, I had to try not to force them out on other people, especially Maxon.
I thought about the queen—hosting visiting leaders, family members, a gaggle of girls all at once. She managed events and backed causes. She assisted her husband, her son, and the country. And underneath it all, she was a Four who held her own heartbreaks and never let her former rank or current aches keep her from doing it all.
I looked beneath my eyelashes at Maxon and smiled. He slowly smiled back, and whispered something to the little boy, who immediately turned and ran away. He reached up and tugged his ear. And I did the same.
CHAPTER 20