20
Grace
I’d delivered four babies since my license was suspended. Robert knew nothing of it. Each mother had been given the facts, and each of them decided to take her chances with me as their midwife. Three out of the four had even paid me.
I’d managed to explain my absences to Robert with tales of early morning yoga and helping take care of Mom, but as it happened, he wasn’t asking many questions anyway. He’d been working long hours and when he was at home, he was distracted. I didn’t blame him. He’d been carrying the burden of our family’s financial pressure alone for months. Not anymore. All my payments had been collected in cash and were stashed in my office in a large yellow envelope. With the tax that I’d saved, it’d be enough to make our first few mortgage payments, if it came to that.
Tonight Robert was his usual reticent self. He sat next to me on the couch, staring at sitcom after mindless sitcom. When I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, I said, “How are things at work, Rob?”
He blinked as though he’d been asleep or forgotten I was there. Then he did that long sigh-through-the-nose thing. “Oh … you know. Could be better.”
“I’m here if you want to talk.”
He smiled. It reminded me that it had been a while since I’d seen that smile. “Wow,” he said.
“Wow, what?”
“Wow … that’s very non-Grace of you. In a good way. It actually sounds like something Floss would say.”
“Oh.” I frowned. “What would I say?”
Robert curled his hands around an invisible neck in front of him. “What is going on with you? I demand you tell me this instant or I will snoop through your phone and wallet, looking for clues!” He adopted an affected, womanly voice that most certainly did not sound like me.
“Oh, yeah? Well, how about you?” I slumped back on the couch and stared at the television. I made my voice deep and bored-sounding. “Work’s really intense.” I grunted. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Robert burst out laughing. “Have I been that terrible?”
“Yes.” I smiled. “But I forgive you.”
Robert’s face took on a somber hue. “Today we all had to fill out a document that asked what we actually do. Basically, making it easy for them to see who is expendable and who isn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
He waved his hand. “Not your fault.… What about you?” he asked. “When is the investigation over?”
“A week or two, I think.”
He smiled. “You’re handling this like a trouper, you know that, Grace?”
I thought of the four deliveries I’d done since I was put on notice. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He picked up the remote control and shut off the television. “Ready for bed?”
Outside, the sky wasn’t even completely dark. I glanced at the clock above the television and frowned. “It’s eight fifteen.”
“I know.”
“Oh.”
We smiled at each other. Then the phone rang.
“I’ll get rid of them,” Robert said, heading for the phone. He winked as he lifted the receiver to his ear. “Hello? Yes, she’s right here.” He held the phone out to me. “It’s Gillian.”
“Oh. Thanks.” I stood and took the phone. “Gillian? Is everything okay? How is the baby?”
“She’s fine.” Gillian’s voice was steady but small. “She’s doing really well actually. We have a meeting next week with a plastic surgeon that Dr. Johnson recommended to discuss her first surgery. Everyone’s been really optimistic that it will be repaired by the time she starts school.”
I hadn’t realized how stiff my body had been until it started to soften. “That’s … that’s … wonderful, Gillian. I don’t know what to say. It’s fantastic.”
“It is fantastic. Look, I know we’re not supposed to be communicating.”
“No we’re not,” I said, remembering at the same time as she said it. “But I’m glad you called. I’ve been thinking about you.”
“And I’ve been thinking about you. I can’t believe you’re being investigated. And, I’m really sorry, but I think I’ve made it worse.”
The boulder in my stomach, which had disappeared for the last few, jokey minutes with Robert, came back instantly. “What do you mean?”
“The investigator contacted me and I told her the complaint was ridiculous, and that you didn’t do anything wrong. I answered all her questions, but … I think she is going to twist what I said.”
“What did you say?”
“That you didn’t inform me of the risks of waiting to suture a third-degree tear. I did say that I would have insisted on going with my baby anyway, and that it wouldn’t have mattered if you did inform me. But the investigator, she zeroed in on the fact that you didn’t inform me and kept asking questions about that. I should’ve just said that you did inform me. I wish I had. I just froze when she asked me, and then I … I thought she would know if I was lying. You didn’t inform me, did you? Perhaps I forgot?”
“No, I didn’t.” Robert, who was still standing there, pointed his thumb over his shoulder toward the bedroom, and I nodded. “The investigator is right, I should have,” I said to Gillian. “And you were right not to lie. That might have made things worse. I appreciate you calling to tell me, and I’m sorry you’ve had to be involved in any of this.”
“But will you get into trouble? I feel terrible.”
“If I do get into trouble, it will be my fault, not yours. Really, Gillian, you shouldn’t worry about this. You’ve given your statement honestly which is exactly what you should have done. You need to focus your energies on your darling daughter. Leave this investigation business to me.”
“You really are an angel, you know that? I don’t know how you can be so strong through all of this. You’re amazing.”
“No, you are amazing. As for me, if the Board of Nursing finds me to have been negligent, it won’t be because of something you said. It will be because of something I did. And I’ll have to face the consequences.”
“Well, no matter what they find, I’ll be calling you to deliver my next baby.”
I smiled. “Thank you, Gill. You take care.”
“You too.”
I ended the call and slumped into the chair. And with Robert waiting for me in the bedroom, I finally felt some empathy for him. Turns out life could be quite the libido killer.