6
Floss
The day after receiving Neva’s news, I was anxious. I hadn’t slept much. And during the brief minutes of sleep I did snatch, I’d dreamed of Grace’s father. Now I made myself my fourth coffee for the day and carried it into the sitting room. It was a warm, clear day, and through the window I could see a pair of young tourists carrying a kayak down the sand-edge road toward Hull Cove. Usually just a glimpse of this was enough to relax me—to remind me how fortunate I was in life. Not today.
Lil was on the couch, reading a book. When I sat beside her, the cushions bounced. “Let me guess,” she said. “Grace?”
Lil didn’t usually weigh in on my relationship with my daughter, but I knew she found it curious. She wasn’t familiar with the relentless worry that went along with having a daughter. I got the sense she found Grace a little codependent and over the top. Perhaps she was. But Lil didn’t understand Grace the way I did. More important, she didn’t understand the circumstances that had made her that way.
“No.” I lifted my legs onto the ottoman and sank into the cushions. “Well, not directly.”
Lil set down her book: an invitation to talk. But I was hesitant. I’d told her Neva was pregnant, of course, and that her baby didn’t appear to have a father. But I hadn’t told her of the wound it had reopened for me. I’d never told Lil anything about Grace’s father—she’d caught on to the fact that he was dead and left it at that. Now, part of me wanted to talk, but after all my years alone, I found the concept of talking through my troubles foreign at best, and at worst, frightening.
“I’m not saying I can do anything,” she said, reading my mind. “But I can listen.”
“You’re a love,” I said. “But it’s nothing I haven’t been dealing with all my life. Daughters, granddaughters—”
Lil reopened her book. “Yes. So you say.”
I hesitated. “You all right, dear?”
“Fine. Just fine.”
Lil’s downturned face appeared calm, unflustered. Mine, I was certain, was not. Though she never said so, I knew Lil thought I needed to take a step back from my family. Under normal circumstances, she may have been right. But this particular drama wasn’t over the PTA or the Board of Nursing or a fight with Robert. This was something I’d set in motion, all those years ago, when Bill McGrady strolled into my life, and changed it forever.
Watford, England, 1953
In the smoke-filled front room of the Heathcote Arms, I tried not to let my boredom show. There’d been a wedding in town, which to all the single women in Watford meant one thing: eligible men. I was with Elizabeth and Evie, two fellow midwives who, like me, had moved from London for their midwifery training in Watford. We all lived at the nurses’ home (or virgins’ retreat, as it was nicknamed) in town. Sister Eileen had told us to be home by ten thirty sharp, but as we knew she was always in bed by nine thirty, we didn’t worry.
Evie and Elizabeth were dressed to the nines, but while they’d turned several heads, no one had bought us a drink so far. It must have been my fault. Elizabeth and Evie were both widely accepted as magnificent, but with enough imperfections to make young lads think they were in with a chance. I, on the other hand, had a face my mother had once described as “handsome.” My bottom was wide rather than curvy and my hair was so determinedly straight that any attempt to curl it always ended in hot, frustrated tears. As such, I was forced to accept that our lack of success in the drinks department was something to do with me.
The room continued to fill and I was beginning to feel a little light-headed when the door opened and a gush of fresh air poured in, along with a pair of young men. All heads in the room turned to look. Through the smoke I could see that one of the men was tall and lean, with a large forehead and dark brown hair teased into a peak. Together with his mate, he did a rotation of the room then rambled over to our table.
“Can we buy you ladies a drink?”
The tall, handsome one was looking directly at me.
“Forgive me,” he said, “I’m being rude. This is my mate, Robbie. And I’m Bill McGrady.”
Evie and Elizabeth stared up at him from our bench seat, marveling as if Jesus Christ himself were standing before us. And, indeed, Bill McGrady was something rather special.
“I’m Floss,” I said, clearing my throat. “This is Evie and this is Elizabeth.”
Bill tipped his nonexistent hat. “Pleasure to meet you ladies.”
His gaze remained fixed on me. I knew I should look away, but somehow, I couldn’t. I cursed the gods. In the past few months, I’d virtually accepted that men, on the whole, didn’t interest me. I had a niggling feeling that perhaps women did. As if I wasn’t confused enough—now this.
“I’d like a drink,” Elizabeth said. “A shandy, please. Same for you, Evie?”
Evie nodded.
“And for you, Floss?” Elizabeth asked. Sometimes, when she leaned in close like she was doing, I had the urge to scoot forward and kiss her perfect, pink mouth. But today, I was thinking about another set of lips. “Nothing for me. I’m fine.”
“Go on, Floss,” Bill said. I didn’t want to be flattered or swept up, but looking at his cheeky, half-cocked grin it was difficult.
“Fine,” I said. I felt the blush, so I could only imagine how it looked. I’d probably broken out in a heat rash. “A sweet sherry would be lovely.”
When Bill turned to talk to Robbie, Elizabeth leaned closer to me and lowered her voice. “Go on, love,” she said. “He’s a doll. Go for it.”
“No, no,” I said. “You go for it.”
“He was staring at you, Floss.”
“He wasn’t. Anyway, he’s not my cup of tea.”
“He’s not your cup of tea? Mr. Marlon Brando?”
I insisted that no, he wasn’t. And after a few seconds of assurance, Elizabeth sighed. “Well, if you’re sure.” She waited until I confirmed yet again, and then leapt to Bill’s side. “How ’bout I give you a hand with those drinks?” she asked him.
I watched as Bill guided Elizabeth to the bar, his hand near, but not touching, the small of her back. Most men I knew would use a crowded bar to their advantage, but Bill appeared to be the perfect gentleman.
When they arrived at the bar, Bill cast a glance over his shoulder and I quickly joined a stilted conversation between Evie and Robbie. By the time I looked back, Bill was looking at Elizabeth. In an emerald green belted dress, she was looking particularly pretty, and from the look on Bill’s face, he’d noticed. Her long auburn hair was out and curled, and she somehow looked demure but risqué at the same time. She was beaming and making theatrical hand gestures, perhaps telling the story about the young virgin who’d turned up at their prenatal clinic, convinced she was carrying the Lord’s next child. Whatever she was saying, Bill was clearly enamored. And the brief moment we’d shared was clearly forgotten.
Bill and Elizabeth were married six months later.