I didn’t know my father had to identify her body.
“You know how your aunt Sheryl is always saying you look exactly like your mother? Well, you do. You’re the spitting image of her.” He groans. “And when I found you in the bathroom, you were the spitting image of her corpse.”
I’m so nauseous I’m afraid I might vomit. I can’t even imagine how he must have felt in that moment.
“I couldn’t look at you after because I was scared. I almost lost you, and you’re the only thing I have in the world that I give a damn about.”
“What about hockey?” I joke weakly.
“Hockey is a game. You’re my life.”
Hoo-boy. The waterworks start up again. I have a feeling I’m ugly-crying like crazy, but I can’t keep my eyes from watering or my nose from running. Dad doesn’t pull me in for a hug, either. We’re not there yet. This is brand-new territory for us…or rather, it’s old ground that needs to be replanted.
“I almost lost you, and I didn’t know how to make things better for you,” he admits gruffly. “If your mom had been there, she would’ve known exactly what to do. When you were crying in the hospital, and then all those months that you were at home. I was out of my element. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and every time I looked at you, I pictured you bleeding on the floor.” He shudders. “I’ll never forget that image. I’ll remember it until my dying day.”
“I’m sorry I scared you,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry I made you think I was ashamed.” He lets out a ragged breath. “But I won’t apologize for the shit that happened afterward. Grounding you, enforcing the curfew. You were out of control.”
“I know.” I hang my head in regret. “But I turned everything around. I grew up and went to college. I’m not acting out to get your attention anymore. You were right to be overprotective back then, but I’m a different person now. I wish you could see that.”
His somber gaze sweeps over me. “I think I’m starting to.”
“Good. Because that’s the only way we’ll ever be able to move forward.” I eye him hopefully. “Do you think we can clean-slate this? Forget about the past and get to know each other as adults?”
His head jerks in a quick nod. “I think we could do that.” He nods again, slowly this time, as if his brain is working something over. “In fact…I think that’s an excellent idea.”
37
Brenna
The following evening I go over to Summer’s house, because that’s how desperate I am to not think about Jake. I’m willing to walk into the lion’s den, be around Hollis and Hunter and maybe even Nate, who all think I betrayed them by sleeping with the enemy. I’m willing to deal with whatever angry words they hurl my way, because it beats obsessing and agonizing over the fact that Jake doesn’t want to be with me.
Ironically, I would have been perfectly content hanging out with my dad tonight. After years of avoiding being in the same room as him, I’m finally excited for us to spend time together. But he had a meeting tonight. The dean of Briar is apparently interested in discussing the prospect of extending my father’s contract with the university, which he totally deserves. But that meant if I stayed home, I’d be alone. With my own thoughts.
To my surprise, I’m not tarred and feathered the moment I walk through Summer’s door. In fact, when I poke my head into the living room, Hollis looks up from the couch and offers a preoccupied, “Hey, Jensen.”
“That’s it? I expected a lot more yelling.”
“Why would I yell?”
I’m dumbfounded. “Are you kidding me? The last time we spoke, you called me a traitor.”
“Oh. Right.” I’ve never heard him sound so blasé and uninterested. And it takes a second to realize he’s not even watching TV. He’s staring at a black screen, and his cell phone sits untouched on the coffee table.
“What’s going on?” I demand. “Are you okay? Where are Summer and Fitz? Upstairs?”
“No, they went to pick up the pizza. Summer refuses to get it delivered ever since the delivery kid bitched at her for giving him a five-dollar tip.”
“Isn’t five dollars a decent tip?” If not, then I’ve been tipping pizza delivery boys wrong for years.
“Not according to Mr. Money Bags over there.”
I unzip my jacket and duck into the hall to hang it up before joining Hollis on the couch. His vacant stare is alarming, to say the least. “All right. What’s going on with you?”
He shrugs. “Nothing much. Studying for finals. Rupi dumped me, but no biggie.”
“Wait, what?” I’m genuinely shocked to hear that. “Seriously? Why did she dump you?”
“Doesn’t matter. Who cares, right?” He hops to his feet. “I’m grabbing a beer. You want one?”
“Sure. But this conversation isn’t over.”
“Nah, it is.”
When he comes back and hands me a Bud Light, I’m reminded of my bowling date with Jake and how we had to choke down that watery beer. Also, it doesn’t surprise me that it’s Hollis’s beer of choice. He’s totally a Bud Light kind of guy.
“I’m calling bullshit,” I say.
“Bullshit on what?”
“Bullshit on the bullshit you’re trying to feed me about not caring about Rupi. You do care. You liked her.”
“I did not. She’s so annoying.”
“Really? So why did you keep hanging out with her?”
“Because I was trying to get in her pants, Brenna. Come on. Keep up.”
“Uh-huh. So you were just trying to get laid?”
“I was. And now I don’t have to work for it anymore. I’ve got a dozen other chicks lining up to bang me. So, good riddance.” His tone holds zero conviction.
“Admit it, Hollis, you like her. You like her shrill voice and her bossiness and her endless chattering.”
“I don’t,” he insists. “She’s not even my type.”
“She’s not,” I agree. “She’s not a puck bunny with a centerfold body, or one of those plastic girls I see you hitting on at Malone’s. She’s weird and tiny and has an inexplicable amount of self-confidence.” I grin at him. “And you like her. Admit. It.”
The tips of his ears turn red. He rakes both hands through his hair, and then glumly sticks out his chin. “She was growing on me,” he finally confesses.
“Ha!” I say victoriously. “I knew it. So now give her a call and tell her that.”
“No way. She dumped me.” He gazes at me in challenge. “If your little Harvard boyfriend dumped you, would you go chasing after him?”
Laughter spills out, bordering on hysterical. But I can’t stop it. I rest my head on Hollis’s shoulder and giggle uncontrollably.
“What’s going on right now?” he asks in confusion. “Are you high, Jensen?”
“No. It’s just…” I giggle some more. “He did dump me.”
Hollis straightens up in shock, bumping my head off his shoulder. His blue eyes are wide with amazement. “Are you serious? Was he high?”
“He wasn’t high, and, yes, I’m serious. He broke it off yesterday. Said he needed to focus on the tournament and his team and I was too much of a distraction, blah blah blah.”
“That’s horseshit. I always knew Harvard men were dumbasses, but this is a whole new level of dumbassery. Has he seen you? You’re the hottest girl on the planet.”
Even though the compliment is coming from Mike Hollis, I’m still genuinely flattered. “Thanks, Hollis.”
He swings his arm around me. “This just confirmed everything I already knew. Harvard sucks and Connelly sucks harder.”
“I second that,” drawls Hunter, who enters the living room with a beer in hand. He’s drinking a Founders All Day IPA—wait, why didn’t I get that option?
I wince when I notice the cast on his left wrist. At least it’s not his right one, so he still has use of his dominant hand. And his season is over, so it’s not like he’ll be missing any games. Nevertheless, the cast triggers a rush of sympathy.
“Hey,” I say carefully. “How’s the wrist?”
“What? You can’t tell?” He raises his arm. “It’s broken.” But he doesn’t sound pissed. Just resigned.
“Can I sign it?” I tease.
“Sorry, but Hollis kind of ruined that for everyone,” Hunter answers in a dry tone. He approaches the couch to give me a better view of the cast.
In a black Sharpie, someone drew a dick and balls.
I sigh. “Real mature, Hollis. Also, you used a surprising amount of detail for the balls.”
He shrugs. “Well, you know what they say.”
I wrinkle my forehead. “No, what do they say?”
Hunter settles in the armchair. “I’m also curious to know.”
“For fuck’s sake. Seriously? I don’t actually have anything to add to that,” Hollis grumbles in aggravation. “Most people don’t question you when you say, ‘You know what they say.’”
I would love to spend one day in Hollis’s brain. Just one, though. Any more than that and I’d probably get trapped in the Upside Down. “All right. You’ve dodged this enough. Why did Rupi end it?”
“Rupi ended it?” Hunter echoes. “Does that mean we don’t have to listen to you guys screaming at each other at all hours of the night anymore? Sweet!”
“Be nice, Davenport. He’s really bummed about this.”