Felix rose to his feet, too. He carefully pushed his chair back into place and kept his eyes lowered. If Harry started crying, he didn’t want to be a witness. “I will not do that.”
“What if some promises are meant to be broken? I know you’re trying to protect Mom’s wishes, but—no offense, Dad—this is bullshit, and you know it. She’s got to stop trying to hold me and Gramps at arm’s length. She’s got to accept that we have a right to be concerned. And what if seeing me actually helps, reminds her of—of”—Harry’s head started jerking as if he were flicking a switch on and off, on and off; Felix waited—“all she has to fight for? When Uncle Tom was dying, you flew out to California to be with him, right?”
“Keep Uncle Tom out of this.” Felix hadn’t meant to threaten, but he was not prepared to relive bad decisions made while Tom was in hospice. “Your mother isn’t dying, Harry. She’s on the transplant list.”
“I need to go see her.” Harry repeated the head jerk. This time, the tic was more violent. “Please, I need to see her.”
Felix turned away, unable to shake the memory of Tom’s voice: “I need you to come, Felix.” But he’d waited, made excuses because he couldn’t accept that Tom wasn’t Tom—unchanged and unchangeable. Another deal was in the works, he couldn’t leave Ella and Harry, and then it was too late. Tom was dead.
Harry followed him into the kitchen, but without the plates.
“Harry, I asked you to clear the table.”
“I know, but just listen. Mom’s always talking about instinct—about following your gut. What’s your gut telling you about this? You must understand, Dad. What kind of a person would I be if I didn’t want to go see her?”
I need you to come, Felix.
“I’ll make you a deal.” Harry’s fingers starting flicking through the air as if manipulated by invisible puppet strings. “If you take me once, just once, I wouldn’t ask to go again. Dad, I need to touch her, tell her I love her face to face. This is something I have to do.” He pounded his heart. “Bottom line, I’m going, whatever you say. Max will take me.”
When did Harry become so contrary? Was this a new behavioral problem, or was he finally growing up, learning to be assertive? “If your decision is made, then whatever I say is irrelevant.”
“Pretty much, but I’d rather have your blessing.” Harry cleared his throat. “And I think one of us should tell her ahead of time, so she doesn’t get upset. Which can’t be good for a bad heart, right?”
So Harry had thought this through.
“Look, just take me one day after school. It can be super quick.”
“But I visit her every morning after school drop-off,” Felix said. He turned on the tap and rinsed their glasses.
“Maybe you could break routine? Special circumstances and all that?”
“I can’t take you after school pickup, Harry. I have to get home as quickly as possible to return to work. This Life Plan deal—”
“Five minutes. All I’m asking for is five minutes.” Harry put his head to one side and beamed as if he were a child saying, You’re the best. “I’ll take full responsibility and ask Katherine to plead my case with Mom. You won’t even be involved!”
Felix realized he was still washing the glasses. What a waste of water. He elbowed off the tap. “The drive from school and back will stretch that five minutes into one hour.”
“If you dump me in before-school care and go straight into work, you can easily compensate for that lost hour.”
“A valid point, but have you forgotten what happened last time you were in the hospital? It ended quite badly.”
“I’ll take a Klonopin before I go and practice yoga breathing in the car. Hell, I’ll even meditate.” Harry spread his arms wide. “Ommm.”
“I thought you hated yoga.”
“But that’s the whole point, Dad. Things change. You do what you have to do. You don’t have to be like the kamikaze male cardinal that keeps head-butting the deck doors. What is that bird’s problem?”