Jason scowled. It was late, and he didn’t want a clinical discussion. She knew what he really wanted. Sex.
“I can’t say it’s impossible,” he admitted. “There aren’t any absolutes in brain chemistry, you know that. People behave in unexpected ways. All I can tell you is that it’s very unlikely that your treatment could have produced such an extreme reaction, particularly so long after the therapy ended. I’m not saying the possibility is zero, but the risk is low.”
“Risk,” Frankie murmured. She was thinking about her father again.
It was funny how everything eventually led her back to him and their last weekend together. She couldn’t escape it. The theme of the discussion he’d chosen for their annual camping trip was risk. What chances are you willing to take to get what you want? What dangers do your choices create for other people? She could hear her father’s voice in her head; it had no intonations, no ups, no downs. He lectured and posed questions the way a professor would, rather than a father with a child. He jabbed with his finger to make his points. His grizzled face didn’t move.
Question. Is it acceptable to pursue your own selfish satisfaction when it causes risk to someone else?
Question. Is it okay to risk another’s life or happiness simply because you really want something?
“My father thought I was playing games with people’s lives,” Frankie said. “He said what I was doing was immoral.”
Jason reacted with impatience. “What did Marvin understand about morality? He was the least emotional person I ever knew. Forget about all of his academic posturing.”
“I would, but now I wonder if he was right. Maybe Brynn and Monica are dead because of me. Maybe I’m playing with fire.” Her voice turned smoky. “Remember Darren Newman?”
He didn’t like hearing that name, and she couldn’t blame him.
“You didn’t make Darren Newman the man he is.”
“Tell that to the girl who was killed,” Frankie said.
“Newman manipulated you. And a lot of other people, too.”
Frankie didn’t say anything more. Jason was right. Darren Newman had come to her as part of a deal to stay out of prison, and she wasn’t responsible for the consequences.
Except they both knew that wasn’t the whole truth.
She turned and faced her husband. Between the wine and the darkness of the solarium, she felt herself getting aroused. That was a rare experience this year. Her mind and her body had been strangers to each other, but right now, she wanted an escape from everything else. From memories. From loss. From her past. Her inhibitions fell away. Her fingers played with the down on the back of his neck. She kissed his lower lip and then teased him with her tongue, and she felt him respond. Her hands undid a button on his shirt, then another, and one of her fingernails explored his chest. She didn’t care if the world was watching them through the windows. It had been way too long, and she needed him urgently. He sensed it. His hand tugged at the zipper of her dress pants, and when it was down, his fingers fished inside, rubbing her through the lace of her panties. Her breath caught in her chest. Her legs slipped apart. She braced herself against him.
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement in the living room, and she froze in embarrassment.
Pam.
She’d come out of her downstairs bedroom. She wore her shorty nightgown, with a mug of tea cradled in her hands. Her blond hair was mussed. She stood there, watching them, a smirk on her lips.
Frankie stepped away. Trying to be discreet, she zipped up and smoothed her hair and blouse. Jason’s face screwed up in annoyance, until he glanced over his shoulder. Pam wiggled her fingers in a sarcastic greeting, and then she returned to her bedroom and closed the door loudly. They were alone again, but the moment was broken.
When Frankie kissed him again, she didn’t get the same erotic response.
“Sorry,” she murmured.
He shrugged. “Bad timing.”
“We could go upstairs,” she suggested.
“Actually, I need to finish a project. I’ll work in my office for a while.”
“Should I wait up?”
“No, you’re tired. Go to bed.”
His voice had a cold, dismissive quality. Once he’d shut the door, it didn’t open again. His rejection left her humiliated but still aroused. She kicked off her heels and picked them up in one hand. She climbed the spiral staircase in her stockinged feet to the loft, where they kept their master bedroom suite, and she slipped inside and closed the door behind her. It was dark. More windows faced the bay.
She took off all her clothes inside the walk-in closet without looking in the full-length mirror. If she stared at her naked body, she would find fault with herself. Too skinny, with her ribs and hip bones showing. Breasts too small. Right now, she wanted to think of herself as perfect. She padded nude across the lush carpet and slipped between the satin sheets of the king bed without putting on a nightgown. The coolness caressed her bare skin. Her body wanted sex, but drunkenness made the bedroom spin. She squirmed with frustrated excitement, but every time she blinked, her eyes stayed closed a little longer.
She slept.
Not for long. It felt like only a minute or two. She could have slept all night, but something disturbed her. She awoke with a start, feeling anxious. Her heart raced. She’d been dreaming about something bad, but the dream vanished in an instant, and she had no memory of it. When she checked the clock, she saw that an hour had passed. She was still alone. Jason was one of those people who needed little sleep himself, and he was always working.
What awakened her?
Frankie looked around the bedroom, and nothing felt amiss. The curtains were open, letting in the San Francisco glow. Sometimes hawks or gulls struck their high windows, so loudly she was sure the glass would shatter, but she didn’t think it was one of their collisions that had jarred her awake.
She looked at her nightstand. And she knew.
Her phone.
Frankie unlocked the screen. A new e-mail waited for her. The date stamp was only seconds earlier. She saw the address of the sender, and it was the same person who had stalked her at Zingari.
[email protected]
Her skin rippled as if someone had stroked it with a fingertip. She shivered at the chill. Normally, hate mail didn’t bother her, but this was different. These messages had a quiet menace. Just like his name suggested, he felt like a bird of prey, hiding in the darkness. Instinctively, she tugged the sheet over her bare chest, as if he were somewhere among the city lights, behind the long eye of a telescope, watching her. I see you.
She almost deleted the message without reading it, but she had to know. She tapped on the e-mail with her fingertip.
The message, like the others, was a single line.
I’m going to watch you die.
11
The room was white.
Shimmering white. Fluorescent white. Blinding white. As her eyes blinked open, the woman named Christie felt lost in the whiteness. She was at peace, drifting nowhere and everywhere. The atmosphere was warm and perfectly silent. She lay on her back on a chaise so soft and comfortable it practically enveloped her. Wherever she was, time had no meaning here. A minute could be an hour; an hour could be a minute. She had no sense of anything but bliss.
Her body felt oddly heavy. When she went to lift her arm, it wouldn’t move. The same was true of her legs. Soft bonds held her firmly in place. She couldn’t turn her head from side to side or lift her torso off the cushions. And yet it didn’t matter. Her mind wandered freely, untethered from her frozen body, floating with a faint breath of air. Her mind was a bubble, lazily exploring the white, windowless world.