ONE MORNING, not long after Mr. Morris’s departure, as Maureen and I sat on the back porch peeling potatoes for a stew, I found myself thinking about “The Tell-Tale Heart,” a story of Poe’s that Mr. Morris had read to us in which a murderer cannot escape his own guilt. I was thirteen at this time, and I was especially interested in the ways in which some men felt guilt, while others seemed free to hurt those closest to them without remorse. The protagonist in Poe’s story is certain he continues to hear the heart of his victim beating beneath the floorboards, but it is the pulse of his own guilt that resounds. I wondered if all men’s deeds came back to haunt them and proposed an idea to Maureen: if the Wolfman were to become famous at some other exhibition, perhaps my father would regret his decision and want to hire him again and then all would be well.
“Oh, I doubt that,” Maureen said coldly. “Your father has no regrets.”
“He must. All good men do, and he must have been that for my mother to have loved and married him.”
Maureen studied me, and I felt pity in her gaze. Of course she thought I was na?ve, and I suppose I was. I’d been kept away from the world, and what I knew of it were bits and pieces that didn’t add up.
“Love is odder than anything you might find here,” Maureen instructed. Her voice was kind, yet I felt she was delivering a warning. She sometimes carried Mr. Morris’s edition of Jane Eyre with her, for it was pocket size and she was very attached to it. I wasn’t certain if it was the story she was faithful to, or if her loyalty belonged to the man who had given her the book.
“Did you love Mr. Morris?” I asked. It was bold of me to question her so, for I’d been warned by my father never to bring up his name. But I was truly interested in Maureen’s welfare, and I think she softened when she saw my earnest expression.
“He read to me when I was with him in his room, and I went there willingly. All I can tell you is that when it was dark, he was like any other man. Better,” she told me. “Far better than anyone who’s passed through this yard.”
THERE CAME an evening when I was reading in my father’s library, as was my habit when he was out and I had my pick of what was on the shelf. When I grew drowsy, I started for bed, going first to the kitchen to make sure the back door was locked. I happened to glimpse a bit of light as I passed by the stairs to the cellar. When I peered down I noticed the door to the workroom had been left ajar. I went down the steps, drawn by my curiosity before I could think things through. The door to this room was always locked and bolted twice, but somehow the Professor had forgotten to do so on this occasion. As usual, he hadn’t informed me where he was going or when he would return, but he was often gone past midnight. I wondered if the open door was a sign sent to me from above suggesting I should look inside, or if it was a simple act of forgetfulness.
It was in this cellar room that my father maintained scientific experiments, dissecting and studying some of the strange creatures he had discovered in morgues and hospitals, and in the back rooms along the docks. No one was to disturb him when he was locked away, not even if he missed his dinner. There were times when the liveryman he employed dragged a bundle down the stairs and the two men would then stand together and argue over a price in low tones. I had heard them raise their voices more than once, and I hadn’t known whether I should fear for my father’s safety or for the safety of the liveryman.
I made my way to the threshold of the workshop. I pushed open the door so that I might peer through the darkening shadows. Jars of specimens gleamed and dust motes hung in the unmoving air. From the corridor where I stood I could see that there were canisters of salt and formaldehyde set upon the shelves, all in readiness for any new specimens. I spied the skull of a leopard that was being fitted with a third set of teeth so that it might appear more ferocious and strange. There were fingernails that had grown ten feet long before they’d been cut and were now soaking in bleach, and a box of the bodies of bright birds captured in New Guinea, their feathers tinted even brighter shades with red and orange dye. On a white metal table there was a selection of knives and surgery tools. My father, it seemed, did not shy away from helping nature create miracles. In this way he was a tailor of the marvelous, a creator of dreams.
Although I was well behaved on most occasions, I still possessed my natural curiosity, an urge I tried my best to ignore. Perhaps my rebel’s soul had been inflamed by the Wolfman’s tales of wandering the world. Surely something had ignited my disobedience, which flared with every passing day. I slipped into the workshop, closing the door behind me. The decision was quick, like diving into the sea. One step, and I was inside. The scent of amber and incense lingered, and the room felt close, for the single window in the cellar had been boarded over and no natural light entered the room other than a few pale rays of renegade moonlight that filtered around the nailed planks. No one came to clean here; Maureen was not allowed to pass through with a mop or a broom, and nothing had been tidied or organized for many years. Papers were everywhere, letters and graphs of all sorts left in a jumble. I went to my father’s desk, and there I saw the bones of a baby’s skeleton set out upon the blotter, like a puzzle. The bones were so tiny I could have picked up the entire spine and rested it in my palm. I, who was rarely cold, felt a chill as I stood there.
I had once asked Raymond Morris why he thought God had made him the way he was, and he’d laughed and said he did not think God had a hand in every error that humans made. He shocked me when he admitted there were times when he did not think there was a God at all, for when he looked into a mirror he believed only the devil had been at work in his creation. I disagreed with him. I thought that God had blessed Mr. Morris in some way, and that was why he was so knowledgeable and so kind. I was convinced that God had a hand in everything we did on earth, though we might never understand his ways, but I did not say so, for I was a girl at the time, and didn’t believe I had the right to speak my thoughts aloud.
I don’t know what made me open the top desk drawer in my father’s workshop; perhaps it was God’s intention or perhaps it was entirely due to my own inquisitive nature. There were papers, and contracts, and tallies of figures, along with photographs of a sexual nature I could not bring myself to look at. I may have gazed upon them for a moment, but I quickly put these things aside. What interested me most was a leather-bound journal fashioned in Morocco, a handbook of my father’s studies. I took it from the drawer, although as I did, my heart hit against my chest.
The handbook was clearly a private document, and some of it seemed to be written in code, with numbers and drawings replacing the letters. Still I could make out certain sections. My father’s handwriting was elegant, a script of flourishes that created large, perfect lettering. I began with the first few pages, a remembrance of a time when my father had been one of the greatest magicians in France. I hadn’t realized how famous he had been until I spied the articles about him, with photographs of the Professor as a younger man.
My father had written accounts of his card tricks and illuminations, some sketched out, lavishly illustrated. Soon I came upon his most famous trick of all, one so astounding people who witnessed it firsthand swore it was a miracle worthy of a saint. There was a drawing of a woman who was brought onto the stage in a steamer trunk, rolled out on a platform that had been fitted with wooden wheels. The woman’s head and legs emerged from either side of the box. Before the eyes of the audience my father sawed through the wood; as he did, the woman was cut in half. The crowd was silent, in shock, on the edge of their seats, revolted, yet straining to see more.
My father recorded how vividly the woman screamed when the sword went through her. But when the trunk was opened, the victim leapt up, half a woman with no legs at all, able to maneuver with the use of her hands as she swung herself across the stage. The audience gasped in astonishment. They had no idea of the truth of the matter: the woman was my father’s assistant, a living wonder who had been born that way. The sword’s blade was dull and had done no damage whatsoever, for it had only cut through the trunk, which was already scored. The legs that remained in the trunk had been fashioned by a sculptor, carefully painted to appear real. When the living wonder was inserted back into the steamer trunk, she was made whole again, for the legs were secretly fitted into a corset that was attached with a belt and cables. Therefore she was able to walk the length of a stage with the height of a fully grown woman.
My father left France when the half woman accused him of all manner of vile deeds, which included enslavement and defilement. A yellowing newspaper article that had been slipped between the pages stated that he had promised to marry her but instead had beaten her and forced her to perform. He had abused her and degraded her in ways that I passed over, for I thought it was improper for me to read these claims. I did notice that she’d sworn she’d been treated like a common prostitute. Enough to say she told the magistrates what my father had done, and in each instance he denied any wrongdoing. He said he was a professor, and had nothing but respect for his employee. Still, his illustrations of her in the handbook after she had made her accusations were nothing less than monstrous; scorpions and frogs leapt from her mouth and from her private areas, which should not have been drawn at all, for modesty’s sake, but were sketched in great detail.
The date when all this happened was ten years before my birth. Although my French was far from perfect, when I studied the article I understood that a court had ordered my father’s arrest on charges of fraud and abuse. The woman in the trunk would testify against him, and a trial date was set; they expected ten thousand or more onlookers, for the case had attracted the attention of the public. But like any magician worth his salt, my father vanished before the date of his trial. The newspaper report said they found his cloak and his shoes and the key to his rooms. Nothing more.
Because my father was particular, he wrote down small details another man might have overlooked. Not only the hour when he took the train to Marseilles, a city of docks where he would find his passage to America, but also what he ate for his lunch on that train—sharp cheese, white wine, olives. He wrote down the name of the ship he took, the Allemande, which sailed for New York Harbor, leaving France on a bright May day. He described the sleeping berths, the lack of fresh vegetables, the swells of the ocean as the ship pushed out to sea. He had always told me that my mother was his childhood sweetheart, and that her name was Maria Louisa, and that they had sailed from France together. But there was no mention of her in the handbook, though he’d written that he’d been forced to sleep with his overcoat as his blanket at night. Still the journey made quite an impression. The stars were so bright above the water he became mesmerized, and he saw all manner of creatures below the waves, beings so fantastic that he felt his life begin anew. Because of his experience at sea, and perhaps because of the trouble he’d been in with the law, he vowed to give up magic and study science from that day forth.
He’d always told me that my mother had cried when she saw the outline of Manhattan. She’d fallen in love with the city at first sight, as my father had fallen in love with her when she was a schoolgirl dressed in black, wearing white gloves and flat black shoes, her pale hair braided down her back. His employees might disparage him, my father had often confided, for they saw him as a harsh master, a difficult, uncompromising man who thought too highly of himself. But say what they might, he was faithful, and in time I would learn that a faithful man was as much a wonder of the world as the stars in the sky.
As I was reading, I heard my father’s unmistakable gait upstairs when he came into the kitchen to wash his hands for his dinner, which Maureen had left on the table. She had prepared a cod stew and a dessert of gingered apples and cream. I wondered if my father would mark down the components of his dinner later that evening in this same book I now held in my hands. I had no choice but to close the journal and replace it in the drawer, making certain it was in the exact position where I’d found it. I went out then, carefully clasping both locks. I was a mouse, silent as I came upstairs unnoticed, but a mouse that would not forget where the trap baited with cheese had been. I never told my father what I’d done, nor did I mention the handbook in the drawer.
But after that I knew the first part of the truth about my family.
When my father came to this city, he came alone.