We got off the expressway and pulled onto the frontage road that bordered my hometown. Everything felt different already, like it had been years since I had been there, and not just a handful of days. The houses seemed smaller than I remembered, and they appeared empty from the outside. All of the curtains were closed, the lights were out, and there were stacks of newspapers on front porches wherever I looked. And there were no cars on the road, and the streets had barely been cleared. I drove slowly, and tried not to swerve, but my heart was beating a deep, deep thrum. There had been a snowstorm, and that accounted for a lot. The townsfolk went sleepy during those times. But I could not help but think that the whole town had disappeared right along with me. No one was waiting for me to come back. Maybe I had forfeited my right to ever see these people again. All because I left town.
“Ghost town,” said Valka.
“Snowstorm,” I said. “They’re probably all sleeping right through it. There’s nothing to do but hide inside right about now.”
At last a car passed us, a sheriff ’s car, from two towns over. I let out a big gasp of air from my lungs. I did not know I had been holding anything in. I had forgotten to breathe for a minute, I guess. It took me another minute to realize: I was scared out of my mind. I pulled the car over to rest in a snowbank.
“Sweet Jesus, I am freaking out,” I said.
“Drive,” said Valka.
“I do not think I can do it,” I said.
“We didn’t drag our asses all the way from Las Vegas so that you could lose your nerve now, right here in your hometown. Keep going. That burger sounded good and I’m hungry now. My doctor says I should eat more red meat anyway. I’m iron-deficient.” She paused and looked thoughtful for a minute. “On top of everything else.”
Just even the tiniest reminder of everything Valka had been through pushed me to keep going. That woman was going to be able to get me to do anything she wanted for the rest of our lives together.
I steered back onto the road and headed toward the diner. A dirty farm dog hustled over snowbanks. Down near the McDonald’s, the one next to the bowling alley, the stoplight at the intersection was blinking like crazy. No one would know whether to stop or go. If anyone was out there.
Finally we got to the diner, which was empty out front except for a big rig parked crookedly, like a snake that could not decide which way he wanted to slide next. Inside the diner was the rig’s driver, and Timber, who was wiping up the counter. I could not see Papi, who was probably cleaning something in the back. I opened the door and a cluster of bells attached to the inside handle jangled. The driver looked up and gave me a glance and then took a long look at Valka. He did not break his stare even as we passed him. Timber looked up, too, and he opened his mouth and let it hang there like a dog panting for water.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” he said finally. He came out from behind the counter. He reached his arms out toward me and I reached out toward him and then we were sunk in each other’s arms. “I am so happy to see you’re alive. And not in jail somewhere.” He pulled away from me and gave me a girlish little slap on my shoulder. He had done it to me a million times but I had never noticed how silly his slaps were before. “And what the hell, Moonie? What is going on with you?”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled. It was nice to see him but I did not want this kind of attention.
Valka, however, did not mind one bit. “I know, she’s a regular Calamity Jane, huh? Our crazy cowgirl.” Valka and Timber introduced themselves and they immediately got along. I was not surprised. Valka was the most interesting thing that had stepped foot into our town since Miss Nebraska had cut the ribbon on the new car dealership on South Lincoln two years back. They both started talking very loudly and I slid into a booth and let them gab away. Best friends forever, like how my classmates used to sign notes they passed to each other in class. Not that I had ever had one until now, and here Timber was trying to steal her in front of my eyes. But I knew she was mine.
“Los Angeles,” I heard Timber say. “I’ve never made it that far west before, but we are dying to go there on vacation. I heard there are amazing flea markets there.”
Flea markets? The world felt all lopsided. Valka handed him her card.
I looked down at the booth and stared at the glittery swirls embedded in the table and I imagined myself inside one of those sparkles. That I had shrunk down to the size of nothing, a fraction of my former self, and could just disappear forever.
Valka ordered some food and Timber ran behind the counter. I could smell the meat as soon as it hit the grill, and the gentle sizzle comforted me. Valka slid into the booth with me.
“Okay, how did you not know he was gay? That man is as queer as they come.”