DOWNSTAIRS THERE WERE the same lines as before at reception, the same endless flow of traffic, people carrying drinks or luggage or babies ready to rest. I had never seen so many people in my entire life. It made my heart beat faster. My hotel room had made me feel calm, but now I was just like everyone else again. I stepped into the rush of traffic and started walking. I did not know what I was looking for. There were too many places to go and everything forced you to walk through a maze of casino. I need a bar, I thought. I veered off the path of slot machines, up some stairs to a gloomy cocktail lounge. There was a long line of video poker games installed in the bar. It was impossible to avoid them. There were traps everywhere. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. After the first sip I felt drunk. I knew then it would be a long night.
The bartender was named Phillip and he was from Tampa and his teeth were big and yellow, but everything else about him seemed quiet. I watched him move down the bar, serving people quick, and then leaning back against the same spot on the wall. Nothing seemed to move about him except for his hands and it was as if his feet were on some imaginary dance floor behind the bar.
I drank that beer right quick and it felt good.
When I was done I put a five-dollar bill into the video poker machine. I quickly lost it. I ordered another beer, but Phillip waved my money away.
“You play, you drink for free,” said Phillip. I felt myself being sucked in. I let the city suck me. I put in another twenty, ordered another beer.
“You like those better than the slots?” I heard someone say. It was the woman who had been standing in line, the muscled woman in the red wig. She had on a blond wig now. She changed wigs just for fun, I thought. She had a funny idea of fun, although maybe I would like it, too. She had changed her dress, too. It was blue and had sparkles across the top of it. It looked nice with her eyes—it was hard to tell in the darkness of the casino, but I thought maybe they were violet, and I had never seen eyes that color. Her eyes were so pretty it made you forget about her nose. And anyway I was starting to like her nose; I could see how it fit in well with all of her, her tough muscles and big breasts and firm voice. And I liked the way her face was powdered and smooth, and the little diamond drop earrings that hung from her ears. She looked really classy. There I was thinking I was looking good in my denim skirt and tank top, and she had just shot herself through the roof of the pyramid. I pictured little stars falling all around her.
“I don’t know if I like either that much,” I said. “It’s my first time here.”
“Slots are way better,” she said. “You can win bigger. This is just for passing the time.”
“You think that’s true?” I said.
“I know it is. Once I won five thousand dollars on the slots.” She picked up a glass of champagne that sat in front of her on the bar and swirled it. Then she downed it. “And my mother won ten thousand dollars last year. We’ve got a lucky family.”
“You are lucky,” I said.
“It’s in my blood,” she said. She ran a hand across the bare part of her chest. There were light bluish-purple veins running across her. Her nails were clean, but they were bitten down to her fingertips, the skin peeking over the tops of the nails like little sunrises. She said her name was Valka, and I said I was Cathy. It sounded like a nice, normal girl name. A girl to pal around with. Definitely not a girl running from her ex-husband with a suitcase full of cash.
We shook hands like we were equals. I knew right then she saw me as just like her. We could be friends. She had more makeup on and prettier clothes but we were both women alone, in the same bar in Las Vegas. She did not know anything about my past, and I did not know anything about hers. I felt myself unwind the tight spot down deep in me just a little bit. We were strangers. Maybe we could be free with each other. I let Valka lead the way.
5.