There are two points to this story. First, doing voluntary work is a great way to meet new friends – and second, always make friends with people who can see through you. Studies back up my experience that volunteering can lead to more social relationships and friendships, and this (I hope this comes as no surprise at this point) has an impact on our happiness.
It may also be one of the reasons for the large number of Danes who engage in voluntary work. At the time of writing, 42 per cent of Danes are engaged in unpaid activities and 70 per cent have been active in the last five years, according to the Danish Institute for Voluntary Effort – and this helps to keep Denmark happy.
The question, of course, remains: if kindness is so great, why aren’t we doing more of it? If there is a helper’s high, why aren’t rock stars checking into rehab centres because they volunteer too much?
According to a report by Jill Loga of the Norwegian Institute for Social Research, perhaps the reason is that most of us see volunteering as doing something good for others – not for ourselves. In other words, we need to highlight the personal benefits that come from perpetrating acts of kindness and altruism, such as getting more friends and making us feel more grateful for what we have. You don’t have to sign up to do work for a charity, it could be anything from volunteering to help out at football practice to simply giving out more smiles to strangers in the street.
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CASE STUDY
SOPHIE
‘Looking back, I may have had depression or something.’
As a result of the financial crisis, Sophie was made redundant. ‘I had been used to working at full speed. I loved my work, but I also had all these ideas of what I would do if I had the time. The irony was that, when I lost my job, I couldn’t seem to get out of bed.’
In the following months, she felt she lost who she was and had been. ‘My job was my identity – that was gone. My social network was my colleagues. Gone – or not gone – but gone awkward. We used to talk about work – and now I wasn’t part of that conversation.’
She started to isolate herself. She found going to dinner parties the worst; everybody would be talking about their careers, and how busy they were. ‘Or you would chat with someone, and then the dreaded question would come: “So what do you do?” I developed a sense of when that question would be approaching and would quickly excuse myself.
‘It became tiring.’ Then came the period she calls ‘doubt and out’.
‘My self-esteem took a nosedive. Being made redundant was one thing. But the stream of rejections in the job hunt made me question myself and doubt my own abilities. I started to think I had just been faking it all these years and they had called my bluff – and now I was out for good.’
Months later, she was still out of a job. Then, one Sunday, her sister phoned. ‘My sister volunteers and had pastries for a cake sale in her apartment, but she had to take her son to A and E.’ She asked Sophie, who lived close by, to fetch the pastries and go to the cake sale in her place.
‘She had asked me to join her at the sale on numerous occasions, and I had always said no, but that afternoon I felt like me again for the first time in a long time. I had fun. I felt useful. I had worked in the events business, so I was like a fish in the water.
‘I remembered who I was – and I was not faking it. I managed the shit out of that cake sale.’ She laughs. She started joining her sister in her voluntary work. ‘It became my way back, I think. It was voluntary work, so there were no demands. I could do it at my own pace.’
Today, she is back working in the events business – someone attending the cake sales spotted her talent for organization – but Sophie continues to work as a volunteer. ‘My identity has two legs to stand on now, I see my sister more often – and there is cake.’
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HAPPINESS TIP:
VOLUNTEER
Find ways you can volunteer to help others. Improve your community and develop your sense of purpose.
Whether it’s a one-off or something you do every week, volunteering is good all round. You are making your local community happier, increasing your trust in others and theirs in you, improving your skills and meeting new people who may turn into friends.
Volunteering comes in many forms, and you may want to combine it with some of your personal goals and interests:
? Passionate about politics? Volunteer to do some work for a local candidate you feel positive about.
? Need training in public speaking? Find a teaching role and share some of your expertise.
? Interested in learning more about foreign cultures? Become a mentor for an expat.
? Love the outdoors? Environmental organizations need your help to maintain nature trails.
? Want more exercise? Do some coaching.
? Want to gain practice in playing music in front of an audience? Contact local organizations that care for the elderly.
Browse portals of volunteer opportunities. In the UK, you can visit do-it.org, which lists more than a million options and enables 200,000 people to donate their time and build their skills every month.
Still not sure? Then go for a one-day test drive. Take a friend. Or find one there.
‘RESTING BITCH FACE’ NATION?
Because Denmark often does well in the happiness rankings, you would expect Danes to be walking around with blissful smiles on their faces.
That is not always the case. Danish men and women have been accused of suffering from RBF (resting bitch face) or having a zombie death stare. Despite being happy, Danes do not necessarily look kind and friendly.
Danes will often say that they notice, when they go away on holiday, other people smile more. At the same time, people from London tell me that they find the Danes smile a lot. So, who is right? Do Danes smile more or less than other people?
In order to be able to answer that question, I started to collect data three years ago. In most of the cities I’ve visited in the past few years I have measured the frequency of smiles. At the Happiness Research Institute, we now have more than thirty thousand data points in more than twenty cities around the world. Not exactly work per se – more like an expensive hobby. But how do you measure the frequency of smiles? Basically, I do what I guess you also enjoy doing when visiting cities. Sit down at a café, have a coffee and look at people.
But I needed to be random in the people I observed; otherwise, my attention might be drawn to women in bright red dresses or people talking loudly. So I would say to myself, ‘OK, the first person who comes around that corner, or the first person who steps on that manhole in the pavement, that is the one I’ll watch.’
After observing the person for five seconds (without them noticing; that would influence the result), I note down whether they smile or not, their gender, estimate their age, jot down whether they are with someone or not and what they are doing. Are they drinking coffee, talking on the telephone, walking their dog, or what?
I have watched thousands and thousands of people going about their daily business, hundreds and hundreds speaking on the phone, dozens and dozens holding hands – and one guy picking his nose.
Apart from the distribution of smiles among people, you start to notice other patterns when you examine the data you’ve collected. Italian couples are more inclined to hold hands, regardless of age, Mexicans are more likely to be snacking on something, and you see dog walkers more frequently in Paris and Vancouver.
The biggest challenge is, of course, to register only locals and weed out the tourists. The guy with the camera and the map and a confused look on his face is probably not from around here. And you can be fairly certain that the woman with her hands full of groceries pacing by the Duomo Cathedral in Milan without looking up is likely to be a local.