AGNOSTICISM
TELL ME OF YOUR GODDESS,” DRAYGO QUICK BADE DRIZZT ONE MORNING as they sat for a shared breakfast. “This one you name Mielikki.”
“Are you asking me to proselytize?”
Draygo Quick shrugged. “Perhaps you will convert me. Do you think she would have me?”
Drizzt sat back and stared at Lord Draygo for a long while. “I believe that god is that which you find in your heart,” he answered finally. “Were you to find Mielikki in your heart, were her tenets to sing to you as truth, then it wouldn’t be within the power of any god to have you or reject you. Were you to come to believe those tenets, then you would be of Mielikki.”
“You act as though the gods are no more than names for that which is in your heart.”
Drizzt smiled and nodded, and went back to his food.
“You truly believe that?” Draygo Quick asked, sliding his chair back from the table.
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters!”
“Why?” Drizzt asked calmly. He realized that he was perturbing the old warlock, and he found that he quite enjoyed it.
“How can it not?” Draygo Quick replied. “Are you positing that, were I to discover these tenets of Mielikki, I would become one of her flock no matter my past?”
“If you found the truth of her tenets, then your past would be a trial of your own conscience, or a matter of justice in retribution for any crimes, but nothing to the goddess.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Then what do her tenets matter?” Drizzt asked. “If a god, any god, is deemed to represent the universal and divine truth, then once one finds and truly embraces that truth, he becomes in harmony with the god. To hold it any other way is to attribute to supposed gods petty failings like jealousy or bitterness. If that is the case, then why would I pronounce the ultimate goodness of any such being? And worse, then why would I hold forth a name embodying that which is in my heart when doing so would only reduce a truth I call divine to a level of mortal frailty?”
Draygo Quick, too, slid back his chair and leaned back, scrutinizing the drow. “Well played,” he congratulated.
“It’s not a game.”
“Because your goddess is supreme?”
“Because reason lies in harmony with truth, else truth is a lie.”
“Hmm,” Draygo Quick muttered. “It seems a shame that you focused your training on the martial arts.”
“I will take that as a compliment.”
“Oh, it was,” Draygo Quick replied. “Or a lament.”
“Are you now to ask me to proselytize the glories of the Spider Queen?” Drizzt asked. “That might prove a more interesting conversation.”
Draygo Quick laughed at the sarcasm. “Nay,” he answered. “Consider this talk over our breakfast as one last angle I pursued in order to wrest from Drizzt Do’Urden the truth of Drizzt Do’Urden. I had thought that truth a marvelous irony, and perhaps it is, but more likely, I fear, you’re as boring as your preferred goddess.”
It was Drizzt’s turn to laugh—at Draygo Quick. “As boring as the sunrise and the sunset,” Drizzt said quietly. “As boring as the movements of the moon, the planets, and the sparkles of the stars. As boring as the food chain and the place of every living creature within the interlocking hands that so bind them. As boring as birth and death, the ultimate tenet of this reason and morality I hold as Mielikki.”
“I’m a warlock—do you forget? Perhaps I do consider death a lie.”
“Because you can pervert it?”
Draygo Quick sighed and stood up. “It matters not,” he announced, “for I grow weary of this conversation. Indeed, I find that I have lost interest in all of our conversations.”
“Then let me go.”
The old warlock laughed at him, and ended abruptly with, “No.”
“Then kill me and be done with it.”
“Again, no,” Draygo Quick replied. “You’re wrong about the gods of Toril, Drizzt. They are very real, and much more than mere embodiments of this or that tenet or truth.”
“That does not change that which is in my heart.”
“Or your fealty to Mielikki?
“My fealty to the truth and justice I know, which have been named to me as Mielikki. That is not a subtle difference.”
Draygo Quick waved his hands frantically to silence Drizzt and end the conversation. “I have reason to believe the coming years will bring great events in flux,” he said. “As great as those that brought Toril and Abeir together. I believe that, and I fear it. As great as the Spellplague and the advent of shadow. And I believe that you may have a place in these coming changes.”
“I will sharpen my blades,” the drow said with unrelenting sarcasm.
“Your blades are irrelevant. But your gods are not.”
“I don’t recognize gods—”
“I know, I know,” Draygo Quick said, patting his hands once more. “You know truths, and those truths were given a name.”
Drizzt resisted the urge to poke Draygo Quick once more by reminding him that he, after all, had brought it up again.
“You tell me of the path you follow, of the signposts of truth that guide you,” Draygo Quick offered as a parting shot. “And I believe your sincerity. But I know more in matters of the world than you do, Drizzt Do’Urden, and I expect that this road you walk is a deceptive circle that will serve that which you reject more than that which you embrace.
“There, Drizzt Do’Urden, is your pathetic truth. I listened to the tales, your tale, that you told Effron in the cell when you were first captured. It comforts you to believe that your precious Mielikki carried away your wife and the halfling to some place of divine justice. Perhaps they are with her now!” He cackled wickedly and finished, “Or perhaps that was the greatest deception of all from a demon queen admired for deception.”
He paused there, on the edge of leaving, and Drizzt knew that Draygo sought a reaction from him, and for a reason beyond any simplistic personal satisfaction. The best tests of character and commitment always came in moments of great stress and the most revealing moments often came in times when a person was pushed to anger.
“I know only that which is in my heart,” Drizzt answered, evenly, refusing to take Draygo Quick’s emotional bait. “When I do not fail, that is all that I follow.”
The warlock left in a huff.
Drizzt sat in the room for a long while, chewing on that most-curious conversation. He didn’t believe that he was any kind of Chosen, or anything significant at all—to Mielikki or to the Spider Queen, not in any positive way, at least, regarding the awful Lolth.
But Lord Draygo, a shade of no small accomplishment or power, thought otherwise, and that gave Drizzt pause. Mielikki had taken Catti-brie and Regis in a profound and strange way, after all, riding their ghosts out of Mithral Hall on the back of a spectral unicorn, ending their insane misery. And it was Mielikki who had done that, and no deception of Lolth, Drizzt had to believe.
But wouldn’t Lolth be more than gleeful to so deceive him?
He shook the thought away. Had it been the doing of Lolth, then surely one or another of her minions would have revealed the ruse to Drizzt to torment him all the more. Indeed, if Drizzt was as special to Lady Lolth as Draygo Quick had insinuated, then why hadn’t the priestesses of House Xorlarrin discovered his true identity when he had been captured by them in the bowels of Gauntlgrym?
It made no sense—none of this did—to Drizzt.
But whether he accepted Draygo Quick’s premise or not seemed a moot point, for in either case, he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, absent Draygo Quick’s blessing. There was no escape.
And even if there were, where might Drizzt escape to?