Is there anyone back west that you’d like to come visit? Or maybe you and Jim should take a few days, head back, see a few people; maybe spend some time at her grave? I know it sounds strange, but it’s helped me before at times like this.
Grace shook her head. No, she said. Jim won’t go back. He won’t do it. I don’t think he can. And I couldn’t go back by myself. I’m so sorry—you’re about to have a baby and I’m— It’s fine! Marilyn said. Did I tell you how Jim found out?
Tell me, she said.
I was terrified. Terrified of telling him. I didn’t know what NASA would say. I thought they’d stop him from going up. I mean, talk about a distraction, right?
He hadn’t noticed?
He’s never around long enough to notice anything, she said. Unless I get my hair fixed in a way he doesn’t like. And I was terrified our doctor would tell him.
Can he do that?
I don’t know, but he’s always getting me confused with Jane Conrad, so I think I’m safe.
Grace laughed.
I can see the resemblance, she said.
Early on, Marilyn said, he had to give me this examination and—you’ll never believe this—while he was down there, he says, you remind me so much of Mrs. Conrad.
No!
To which I replied, inside or out?
Grace laughed harder.
Oh, boy, Marilyn said.
That’s priceless, Grace said.
Isn’t it? So, anyway, my dress is getting tighter and tighter and every time we went out in the car, I had to make Jim stop all the time so I could use the bathroom. I told him I had a bladder infection. I’d gotten into the habit of hiding crackers under my pillow at night; they really helped with the morning sickness. I used to nibble on them in the dark when he was asleep. So, a few weeks ago, I was lying in bed, eating these things like crazy, and he wakes up and says, why are you eating crackers? So I had to tell him.
What’d he say?
He said pinch me tomorrow and tell me I had a nightmare. Then he went back to sleep.
Grace laughed.
He told me he didn’t mean it in the morning.
So what are you going to do?
Keep it to ourselves for as long as possible. Jim thinks they’ll realize he’s indispensable soon enough.
Grace looked at the pool again. A slight breeze formed ridges where the blue grew dark toward the far end and she wondered how deep it was.
The sky set thickly gray and Grace lit a candle in the living room and carried it through to the dining room. Harrison walked in and looked at her.
It’s your birthday, Jim, she said. We’re having a candle.
He didn’t say anything. She walked past him, back to the kitchen, and said, they’ll be here soon; would you go and get ready?
What’s wrong with what I got on? he said.
You look like a mechanic, she said.
The hell does that mean?
I’m not doing this now, she said.
What? Grace.
She turned and faced him.
It means, she said, that it looks like you don’t give a damn.
I don’t, he said.
I know that, Jim; you’ve said it enough times today, but do you want them to think that?
Frank and Shaky won’t care and the women can think what they want, he said.
Jim, I’m the one who has to live with these women while you’re at work, she said.
He sighed and looked at the floor.
All I’m sayin, he said, is that you didn’t have to do this.
Go change, she said.
Grace set the pot down in the middle of the table.
Rabbit stew, she said, removing her oven mits. Old recipe from back home.
Rabbit stew! Rene Carpenter said. Grace, you’re so talented!
Grace held together a smile.
Grace, honey, it smells wonderful, Marilyn Lovell said from where she was seated next to her husband.
The barbecue Grace originally planned had turned into a more intimate dinner when only the Lovells, the Bormans, Louise Shepard, and Rene could make it. The others were busy or couldn’t get sitters at such short notice (how was two weeks short notice?) and the other fellas were either at the Cape, or McDonnell, or the office, or wherever the hell else they were when not at home. She wished the Glenns had been able to come but they had taken a trip back east to visit John’s folks. It was fine. Easier this way. And she had a surprise for Jim too. It would be a good night.
Susan Borman filled her wineglass and Frank smiled at the smell from the pot.
Beer, Frank? Harrison said. Shaky?
Hey, you can only get away with calling me that if you’re navy! Lovell said.
Harrison laughed.
Beer’d be good, Borman said.
Make that two, Lovell said.
Comin up.
Harrison walked into the kitchen. The doorbell rang.
I’ll get it, Harrison said.
This our mystery guest? Lovell said.
Hope so, Grace said, and stared at the candle.
Harrison walked across the living room to the front door. The doorbell rang again.
All right already, he said. Jeez.
He opened the door.
Happy birthday, you miserable son-of-a-bitch, Pancho said.
What the hell are you doin here? he said.
I’m your birthday stripper, she said. Jesus, don’t look so goddamn terrified. Grace invited me. Surprise. Let me in, would you, the bottom just fell out of the damn sky.
She pushed past him into the dry. He shut the door.