His war.
So instead he’d left a letter in his stateroom with orders that they return for him after the battle was over, knowing full well that all that they might find was a corpse, then sneaked off the ship. He’d spent the days since sleeping on the tops of the warehouses and buildings of the Southwatch market, stealing food, his eyes always on the sea. Watching. Waiting.
Because he’d known she would come.
So when the ship bearing a Maridrinian flag had drifted toward port, the sailors all wearing hoods pulled up against the rain, he’d seen what the soldiers on the pier had not. That this was no vessel full of their countrymen, but a ship full of their enemy.
But what he’d seen was her.
Even in a cloak and hood, he’d somehow known the figure standing next to the captain was Zarrah. Something about the way she’d stood, the way she’d moved, triggering his instincts. The same instincts that had demanded he stop this. That he race down onto the pier and put himself between Zarrah and his countrymen to plead for their lives.
Except that would have put her in the position of having to explain why she was willing to negotiate with a Veliant. With all he’d done to try to save her, Keris wasn’t about to damn her for the sake of his conscience.
So instead, he’d watched as the Valcottans had swarmed the pier. Watched as the woman he loved more than life slaughtered his countrymen with brutal efficiency. Watched as she realized the situation on Southwatch was not as expected, that something was wrong. Watched her realize that none of this was the behavior of Silas Veliant.
And saw the moment she realized whom she’d really gone to war with.
“This isn’t your fight, Zarrah.”
She jerked at the sound of his voice, her eyes snapping down from the lookout tower to fix on his. “Where are they attacking?”
Not, Why are you here, Keris? Not, What is going on, Keris?
Because she knew. He could see it in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter where they are. This isn’t your fight. Get your people back on those ships and sail south before that storm hits.” He swallowed the thickness in his throat, simultaneously struck by how beautiful she was and by the certainty that she’d hate him for what he’d done.
But it was worth it. He had to believe it was worth it.
“Where are they attacking, Keris?” She turned on her heel, and he listened to the sound of her racing down the steps, appearing at the base of the tower. “What have you done?”
“It doesn’t matter where they are, because even if you board your ship right now, it’s too late,” he answered, bracing himself as her hands balled into fists. “It will be a fight between Maridrina and Ithicana, as it should be. Valcotta and Harendell need to stay out of it.”
“What about Amarid?” she demanded. “Are they staying out of it? Or is it only Ithicana who truly stands alone?”
He lifted a shoulder because the alternative was to wince at the accuracy of her statement. “I expect they’ll stay out of the thick of it.”
“Where. Is. The. Attack?” Her eyes were bright with panic. “Tell me!”
The attack was already underway, and too far for her ships to make it in time. “My father and his fleet are attacking Eranahl.”
Zarrah blanched, her eyes filling with horror. “Eranahl is full of innocents. How could you?”
It was a plan simple in its beauty even as it was ugly in its cruelty. Leave decoy soldiers at key points along the bridge to lure Aren and his army to attack, then move on the heart of Ithicana—the island fortress of Eranahl. Once the ruse was discovered, Aren and his army would move to defend the city and be forced to fight his father’s fleet on the open water, where Ithicana was at a severe disadvantage. The war that had lasted a year would be over in a night. “People were always going to die, Zarrah. There was always going to be a battle. I just changed the grounds it was fought on.”
She doubled over, a ragged sob tearing from her lips, and Keris’s stomach twisted with guilt. With grief. It’s worth it, he silently chanted to himself. It has to be worth it.
“Load your ships and sail home, Zarrah, because no one can accuse you of wrongdoing. The Empress’s spies will have seen that Vencia remained too strongly defended for you to attack. As for you coming to Southwatch, given my father is about to gain uncontested control of the bridge, the Empress is going to look the fool for not doing more to stop him. At least you tried.”
The look she gave him made Keris feel sick, but he pressed forward. “Regain her favor and secure your position as heir. Become Empress. Do all the good you dreamed of doing. I’ll do the same and…” He trailed off, because the horror in her eyes had disappeared, and in its place was fury.
“Aren trusted me,” she said between her teeth. “And I trusted you. Instead of honoring that trust, you betrayed me.”
“I didn’t betray you.” He’d known she’d react like this. Known she’d be angry. “I—”
“Protected me? Saved my life?” Tears streamed down her face, and he took a step toward her, but she held up a hand. “Don’t. I love you, Keris. God help me, I do. But right now, I also hate you because you are your father’s son. You will have things your way no matter the cost.”
It’s worth it, he told himself even as her words cut deep. She’s alive and will remain alive, so it’s worth this pain.
But it hurt to hear the accusation from her. Like a knife to the heart, as the truth so often was. Yet he wouldn’t take his actions back. Refused to be sorry, because Zarrah would live. “Maridrina, Valcotta, Ithicana… someone had to lose, Zarrah. Having everyone come out of this unscathed was never an option. I tried to convince my father to walk away, but it was never going to happen, so I had to choose.” His voice shook. “We could change our world, Zarrah. Create a peace between two nations who’ve been at war for generations. Save thousands of our people’s lives. But that doesn’t come without sacrifice, and that sacrifice is Ithicana.”
Zarrah dropped to her knees, pressing her forehead to the dirt, but when he stepped toward her, she lifted her face. “Don’t you dare come closer.”
“Zarrah.” He hated that he had caused her this grief. He wished that there was a way to erase her pain.
But he refused to regret what he’d done.
“You say you did it for our kingdoms, but that isn’t it, is it?” she sobbed. “You did it for me. To save me. Admit it!”
“Zarrah—”
“Admit it!” The screamed words were punctuated by a sudden crack of thunder, the wind gusting over them.
He felt strangled, unable to speak. But he managed to get out, “I couldn’t…” Lose you, was what Keris had intended to say, but he’d known that in doing this, he’d lose her to hate. “I couldn’t let you die.”