She swallowed hard, her hands like ice. “They came to Pyrinat to ask the Empress to aid Ithicana in driving Maridrina out and retaking the bridge.”
“And?”
“She declined. Gave me orders to drop them north of Nerastis so that they might make their own way back to Ithicana to rally Aren’s people.”
“Thank fucking God.” His shoulders slumped, and though the noise of the falls drowned it out, Zarrah felt his exhale of relief. It made her stomach twist into knots. As if sensing something in her silence, Keris lifted his head and met her stare. “Tell me that’s the end of it, Zarrah.”
“I can’t.” She dragged in a steadying breath. “Because it’s not. Not for me.”
“What have you done?” He took a step toward the edge of the spillway, as though he might jump, then gave a sharp shake of his head and held his ground. “Zarrah?”
“I’m going to take ships north to help Aren liberate Ithicana. I’m going to help him end this war. And then I’m going to return to Pyrinat and accept the consequences of treason.”
“No, you are not! You will do no such thing! You—”
“Did you know it’s been a year?” Her heart beat against the inside of her ribs like a fist trying to hammer its way out. “A year since I stood on the deck of a ship and watched your father’s fleet sail past me to Ithicana. A year since I did nothing and thousands suffered for my inaction. It feels like I’ve come full circle and am once again standing on that deck, watching disaster approach. But this time, I won’t do nothing.”
“Zarrah, no. Don’t.” His voice was drenched in panic, and again he stepped to the edge of the spillway. “Ithicana is Aren’s problem, not yours. It was his blind love for my sister that invited invasion. And Lara’s shame that drove her to keep secrets when the full truth would have stopped my father in his tracks. What happened in Ithicana is their fault, not yours. Let them pay the price.”
Her chin trembled, and Zarrah clenched her teeth, trying to contain her emotions because she needed to get this out. Needed to make him understand. “It’s not just Ithicana that disaster approaches, Keris. It’s Maridrina.” She sucked in a breath. “The Empress is coming for you. She knows that your father needs to end this war before Amarid withdraws its support. She knows he intends to pull every last one of his soldiers from across the kingdom to strike Ithicana a fatal blow. And when he does, when Maridrina sits entirely unprotected, she intends to strike her own fatal blow.”
“Let her come,” he shouted. “I have control in Nerastis, not my father. I’m not sending him the soldiers or ships, so if Bermin thinks to waltz across the border and take this city, he’s in for a shock. I have it in hand, Zarrah!”
“No, you don’t!” Her emotions boiled over the walls she’d built to contain them. “You don’t have it in hand, because it isn’t just Nerastis she’s coming for—it’s Vencia. I know because it’s me who is supposed to sail into its harbor to sack and burn and murder. Me who is supposed to go to Silas’s palace and put every last Veliant to sword.”
Silence.
“But instead, I’m going to lie.” Tears dripped down her cheeks. “I’ll tell my soldiers that her orders are to retake Southwatch for Ithicana. We’ll drive your father out and send him back to lick his wounds in Vencia, and things will go back to the way they’ve always been.”
“No, they won’t, because you’ll be executed.” He stood right at the end now, and she cringed as rocks crumbled to fall into the water below. “This is madness, Zarrah. There are other ways. I’ll warn my father. Tell him that the Empress intends to attack while his back is turned. He won’t risk Vencia.”
“Won’t he?”
Keris’s mouth opened, but he hesitated, and Zarrah knew he was thinking of the depths of Silas’s obsession with the bridge. Knew he was seeing how this would unfold and the calamity it would bring. “There has to be another way to stop this. Just… just don’t attack. Delay until he’s done with Ithicana, and then the opportunity will be lost.”
“That’s still treason, Keris.” She wiped the tears from her face. “And if I’m to be executed, it won’t be for inaction. If I’m to die, it’s going to be righting my wrongs.”
“No! I won’t let you!” Lamplight glittered off the tears on his face. “I won’t let you die!”
“It’s not your choice.” She took a step back. Then another.
“What about Valcotta?” he shouted. “What about all the good you would do as its empress? What about the lives that would be saved if it was you who ruled?”
“A dream.” She bit her lip, grief rolling over her in violent waves. “Whereas this is reality. I love you, Keris, but you can’t stop me from doing this.” She took another step back. “My ships will set sail in a matter of hours, so don’t think there is a way to stop me, because there isn’t. I told you I need to do things that I believe are right, because that’s the only way I can honor myself.”
“Zarrah, please.” He dropped to his knees. “I’m begging you, don’t do this. Please don’t do this. I can’t lose you.”
Her heart fractured into a million pieces, but her resolve remained whole. “Goodbye, Keris. May we meet again in the Great Beyond.”
And with him screaming her name, Zarrah walked away.
81
KERIS
“Zarrah!”
He didn’t care if anyone heard, if all of fucking Nerastis heard, because he needed to stop her. Needed to keep her from making this decision. Needed to save her.
Even if that meant saving her from herself. Because he goddamned refused to let her die.
But she didn’t stop. Didn’t turn around. Just kept walking and walking until the glow of her lantern was out of sight and his voice was hoarse.
Go after her.
Keris backed down the dam, eyeing the gap of the spillway, the far side cast in shadows.
It’s too far.
“It’s not too far,” he snarled to himself. “You’ve jumped farther.”
And there was no other way to reach her. The river was being watched by his men, and without his horse, he’d never make it around the lake in time to stop her from boarding that ship. This was the only way. Because he wouldn’t let her die.
He broke into a sprint, gaze fixed on the far side, his lantern marking the place he needed to jump.
Thud.
The sickening sound of his brother hitting the ground filled his ears, and Keris flung his weight backward, skidding on his heels, then falling on his ass right at the edge.
He pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to force himself back to his feet. Trying to force himself to try again. But the same sound repeated over and over in his head, and he couldn’t move.
All his life he’d spent climbing, and never once had he been afraid. But now terror consumed him.
Breathe, he ordered himself, lifting his head to stare at the spillway. Breathing and breathing until logic and reason and control returned.
Think.
It was too far to jump. All he’d accomplish was plunging into the waterfall to be dashed against the rocks below. He couldn’t stop her from boarding that ship and setting sail.