“By being young, stupid, and thoughtless,” he spat out flatly. “Because I was a selfish prick.”
Mara didn’t believe that for a minute, but she stood up, the dress she’d been working on drifting soundlessly to the carpet, and walked across to him, unable to stop herself. Gingerly, she slid into his lap, and Jared’s arms slipped immediately around her waist, cuddling her close as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Tell me.”
For a moment, he didn’t speak. He just held her like she was the most precious thing in his life. Haltingly, he started to talk. “It happened right after Alan and I graduated from college. He wasn’t rich, and he took a lot of student loans to get through school. I had the money to put up the capital for the business, and he wanted to be part of it. We both loved old homes, restoring them back to their original condition. I wasn’t joking when I said I actually had a work truck like yours. I bought a few old homes while we were still in college, and we spent a lot of time restoring them ourselves. We didn’t decide to make it a real business until our last few months of school. The planning stage wasn’t quite over, but we were working on it. Selena and I dated all through college, and she still had one more year to go before graduation. I introduced them, and they’d known each other for several years by the time Alan and I graduated. I have no idea how long they’d been screwing each other.” Jared stopped for a moment and swallowed hard. “We were all attending a Fourth of July party that summer after Alan and I finished college. Pretty much everyone was drunk except me. I didn’t drink much then. My old man was a drunk, and the last thing I wanted was to be like him. So I volunteered to be the designated driver. The party was in full swing when I realized Selena and Alan were missing. I went to find them, and I found them making their own fireworks in a bedroom upstairs.” Jared broke off speaking, breathing hard as though he were living through the whole experience again.
Mara stroked his hair back from his forehead. His eyes were closed. “Don’t think about that. What happened after you found them?” He looked so vulnerable that she almost wanted to stop the entire conversation, but Mara knew he needed to talk it out, no matter how painful.
“I left,” he admitted hoarsely. “I took off, and they ended up catching a ride with a drunken student. They crashed not long after they left the party. The driver was going too fast and swerved off the road and hit a tree. All three of them died instantly.” His voice grew stronger, angrier. “I was supposed to be their driver. I should have gotten them home safely. I was pissed, and I never gave one fucking thought about how they were getting home.”
Her heart ached because he was so willing to take the blame when it wasn’t warranted. “It wasn’t your fault, Jared.” She pulled his head against her breasts and rocked him like a child. “Your reaction was no different than anyone else’s would be if they were betrayed. They were adults. Nobody forced them into that car. They could have called a taxi. What happened was a tragic accident, but none of it was your fault. How drunk were they?”
“Barely above the legal limit, according to their blood alcohol. The driver was plastered.”
“Then they still could have made the right decision, but they didn’t. Nobody can blame you for what happened, and you can’t blame yourself.” Mara’s voice was pleading. She had to get through to him, make him really believe he wasn’t responsible. His torment was evident now, and she couldn’t stand to see him this way.
“Her mother blamed me,” he replied gravely. “She always liked me, thought I was good for Selena. She was grateful that I was helping her daughter through school. Until the funeral. She let me know that I killed her daughter, and she hoped I went to hell. She never knew that I was already there.”
Oh, dear God. Selena’s mother never knew. “You never told her what really happened,” Mara said softly, her heart skittering as her brain furiously worked out what had occurred.