Theo squinted as Evan flaunted a small blue photo ID. He held it up as he approached.
“They call it a wet card. You can apply for one when you turn eighteen. Just take a one-day class, a one-hour test, and then ta-da! License to drink. You have to be careful though. You get caught in a drunken misdemeanor, the card’s suspended. Get caught in a felony, the card’s revoked. And if you serve alcohol to someone without a wet card, even in your home, you’re in for some hefty fines, fella. The civil liquortarians shit a blue pickle when they heard about this plan. But when they saw what happened to cigarettes, they suddenly became a lot more flexible.”
Now he stood close enough for Theo to read the card, which featured Evan’s cheery photo next to a cryptic pseudonym.
“Gordon Freeman?”
“The card’s a fake,” Evan explained. “So’s the name. Zack would get the reference. He’s awesome that way.”
The pieces finally came together in Theo’s head. “You’re Evan Rander.”
“Ding ding ding! Told you you’d get it.” Evan laughed. “Oh, that Farisi and her spoilers.”
Theo tightened his grip on his book bag and took a hasty step back. “Listen—”
“Oh relax, guy. I’m not so bad. In fact, I come bearing gifts and valuable info. Just hang a bit. You won’t regret it.”
He hopped over the bench, then motioned for Theo to join him. After a few silent moments, Theo took a wary perch on the far end.
Evan shined a soft grin at the Farsight Professional Augury. “You know, folks here are nutty about the future. Obsessed with it. Corporations have their own augurs on staff. Politicians rely on them like pollsters. It’s still a bunch of crap. All cold readers and educated guessers, spouting flowery babble that could be twisted to mean anything. None of these people are gifted like our sweet little Mia. And she’s not gifted like you.”
He grabbed a bottle cap from the concrete and flicked it from his fingertips. Theo watched it sail toward a light post, knocking a fat moth out of the air.
“Once Mia makes it to New York, if she makes it to New York, she’ll get out of the note-passing business and find a better use for her portals. You’ll inherit the keys to the spoiler shop. You’ll be a lot better at it.”
“You talk like you can see the future yourself.”
Evan chuckled. “Me? Nah. I’m no augur. I’m just a guy who’s been around the block a few times.”
He flicked another bottle cap. Theo watched with grim fascination as it killed another moth.
“How do you know so much about us?”
“Well, T’eo me lad, it’s a wee bit complicated. I’m certainly familiar with your storied past. My goodness. Graduated high school at twelve. Got your undergrad degree at fifteen. The youngest person to ever enroll at Stanford Law and, subsequently, the youngest to drop out. When people ask why you quit, you insist that it wasn’t the course work. It wasn’t the pressure. ‘No,’ you say, with a wistful sigh, ‘I just got tired of being special.’”
Theo felt a cold lurch in his heart. He used to say that often, exactly the way Evan described.
“I also know what happened five years ago,” Evan added. “How you got that scar on your chest.”
He pantomimed a driver flailing at the wheel. His cartoonish screeching sounds ended with a spittle-flecked crash.
Theo brusquely stood up. “Go to hell.”
“Come on, man. How long you gonna keep punishing yourself for one little car accident? Folks have done worse. Hell, I know three people who destroyed a whole planet on purpose. They sleep just fine.”
“Thanks for the perspective,” Theo replied, while walking away. “Enjoy your night.”
A bottle cap sailed by his head, just a half inch from his cheek. Theo stopped.
“Is that some kind of stupid threat?”
“Nope. Just a stupid trick to get you to turn around and look at your gift.”
Theo turned around and watched Evan procure a sixty-ounce bottle of vodka from his knapsack.
“What do you want with me?”
Evan hunched his shoulders in a shrug. “Just passing the time, brother.”
“Maybe you should find a hobby.”
“Maybe I already have. Oh, hey, that reminds me. Has Hannah started flirting with you yet?”
Evan laughed at Theo’s dim expression. “Guess not. Well, she will, but don’t get a big head over it. You’re just her default choice. She knows by now that David isn’t biting and Zack’s got eyes for Sister Cherry Pious. She used to have a fourth option, but I removed it. Poor Hannah. Simply can’t exist without a man to wrap around her little finger. Are you going to take your present or not? I went to a lot of trouble here.”
Theo returned to the bench, examining the bottle from every angle. A frightening new voice in his thoughts suggested a darker use for it. Hit him. Kill him. Kill him now. Trust me.