Despite the mountains of paperwork on the desk, Levi’s clothes over the back of the couch, and Peyton’s toys strewn everywhere, the room felt warm and cozy. She sniffed again, trying to get ahold of herself. “You really are a slob like Tess said.”
“Ha-ha.” He reached out and swiped everything from the couch with a single swoop of a hand. “Have a seat.”
When she did, he came up with a box of tissues from somewhere and sat next to her, pulling her into his side. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Right. Now she had to say it out loud. “At breakfast this morning, there was something off about my grandpa, but I couldn’t place it. Last night I’d asked him about his health and he told me he was fine. Promised me, even.” She gulped in some air. “But he’s not. He’s got cancer.” Just saying the words out loud had the horror bubbling up all over again. Her eyes filled. “I just found him again and he’s going to die.”
“Oh, Jane.” He hugged her tight, his jaw resting on the top of her head as he rocked her a little bit, and for a moment, she sank into him and let his strength seep into her.
“What kind of cancer?” he asked. “So many are curable, now more than ever.”
“Yes, if the patient elects to seek treatment.” A little bitter about that, she climbed off of his lap and began to pace the room, not easy with everything on the floor. But Charlotte was right, she was angry, very angry, and that was okay because behind that was a grief she wasn’t ready to face. “It’s lung cancer. Apparently he was successfully treated two years ago, but it’s back and . . .” She swallowed hard. “He is refusing treatment this time. He’s just going to let himself die, without telling me. How could he not tell me? How could he look me in the eyes and promise me that everything was okay when he knew, dammit, he knew that nothing was okay and it wouldn’t ever be okay again.”
Levi rose to his feet and stepped into her path.
She lifted her face to his. “How?” she demanded.
He ran his hands up her arms. “It’s complicated. You more than anyone knows that. You’re only just back in his life. It’s possible he just hasn’t worked up the nerve to tell you yet. Cancer isn’t exactly an easy thing to talk about, especially with someone you love.”
“No.” She twisted away, turned her back on him and his empathy. “It’s exactly the thing you talk about to someone you love. In fact, it’s the first thing he should’ve told me. Like: ‘Hi, I’m so glad you’re back. You should know, though, that I’ve got cancer, but I love you enough to tell you the truth.’”
“Jane—”
“Stop.” Deep in her head somewhere past denial and anger, she knew she was being unreasonable—irrational, even. She knew there was never an easy way or a convenient time to talk about something like this, but she had thought when it came to her and her grandpa, their relationship was real this time. Clearly she’d gotten it wrong. Hell, maybe she was still nothing but an inconvenience. He certainly couldn’t possibly really love her “to the moon and back” if he’d kept such a huge, unforgivable secret.
“This might have nothing to do with you or your relationship with him,” Levi said quietly. “This might just be about him, and, Jane, you may have to accept that.”
“He still should’ve told me right away.” She hugged herself, staring out the window. “He knows I’m going to be gone again soon.”
“Is it possible that he didn’t want to spend the last of his time with you talking about death and being sick, or defending his choice of treatment? That he just wanted to soak up every moment he could with you before you go?”
There was a tightness to his voice, but she shook her head. “He chose no treatment. None. Zero. Zilch.”
“Again, his choice.”
Fueled by panic and anxiety and fury, she whirled on him. “Are you actually trying to defend his decision to me? There are treatments available, Levi. There is no defense for what he’s doing.”
“I assume you’ve talked to him about this. Calmly. Rationally. No judgment.”
She tossed up her hands. “Of course I haven’t. I came straight here.” She felt her eyes fill. “I’m just so mad at him,” she whispered. “So mad.”
He nodded and came slowly toward her, making his way through the roadblocks without any trouble. “It’s understandable,” he said. “But it’s possible he made his choice before you were back in his life.”
She stared at him as his words hit her like a one-two punch to the solar plexus. “So it’s my fault for not reaching out to him sooner?”
“No, of course not. But I do think he might’ve made a different choice now—something you won’t know unless you talk to him.”
She pressed the heels of her hands to her temples. “You don’t get it. His decision was made months and months ago, and cancer doesn’t waste time. There’s no going back and fixing this in the here and now.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Oh, Mr. Fix-It, but I do know it. I accessed his records, Levi. All of them.”
He was toe-to-toe with her now, but not touching her, looking suddenly both incredulous and angry, and she’d like to know what he could possibly have to be angry about. She was the angry one, as was her right.
“Let me make sure I understand,” he said carefully. “You said he seemed off. Then he told you he had cancer, and you pressed for more information and he showed you his medical records. Yes?”
She looked away. “He did seem off. And I didn’t press him for answers because he wouldn’t have given them to me.”
“So you, what, accessed them without permission, meaning you risked your entire nursing career, not to mention your license, to avoid a difficult conversation with your grandpa?”
Shit. Well, when he put it like that . . . But her fuse had been lit, which meant rational thought and logic were backed up behind the huge ball of emotion in her throat. “Family matters more than any job,” she said. “Or at least it should. And you’re one to talk about avoiding a difficult conversation. You made up a pretend girlfriend!”
“Guilty. And for the record, I stopped pretending a long time ago. As I told you, this”—he paused to gesture between them—“is real for me, Jane. Very real.”
The Family You Make (Sunrise Cove #1)
Jill Shalvis's books
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