The Deepest of Secrets (Rockton #7)

“Goddamn it, Jen. Really? What? You wanted to make me work for it? Earn my keep?”

“Of course not,” she snaps. “I wouldn’t—” She bites off the rest and eases back. “Fine. I’ve pulled shit like that before. I wouldn’t with this, though. Will’s…” Her voice roughens. “He’s been good about me being on the militia, and he’s had every reason not to be.”

I check Storm, who’s still sniffing. Then I look at Jen. “We’ll discuss this later. For now, is this a rumor? Or do you have evidence?”

“I can’t be sure he posted the sign, but I know he’s the one who got the information.”

Storm has the scent now, but I motion for her to wait as I turn to Jen. “Do you know where he got it?”

“Yeah.” Her gaze shifts and her hands shove into her pockets. “From me.”

“What?” My voice rises loud enough to startle a couple turning the trail corner. I motion for Jen to follow and for Storm to resume tracking.

Once we’re into the forest, Jen whispers, “It was during dental work. He gave me something for the pain.”

And while under the influence, you revealed Anders’s secret.

Even for Jen, I’m shocked. Yet this isn’t following the usual Jen-bad-behavior playbook. First, she’d make me figure it out. Then she’d deny it categorically. Finally, if she couldn’t weasel out of it, she’d find some justification and stick to it, never showing a moment’s remorse. None of that is happening here, and so I must listen, as much as I want to ream her out loud enough for all of Rockton to hear.

“Whatever he gave me,” she says, “it made me loopy. It was just a filling, and he was using freezing, so I didn’t need the drugs. But he gave it to me before I realized what it was. Then he started asking about you guys.”

“Us guys?”

“Eric, Will, you, Phil, Isabel … His personal hit list.”

“People he thinks have done him wrong. By not letting him be a dentist full-time.”

She nods. “You and Will don’t have anything to do with it, but he’s casting his net wide and including anyone who might have had a say in the decision. I thought I didn’t tell him anything. I only vaguely remember the conversation. It was like something I dreamed, you know?”

I make a noncommittal noise.

“Afterward, he asked me a few questions about what I remembered, and I didn’t think much of it until the sign. As soon as I saw that, the memory slammed back. Conrad had asked me about you guys, flattering me, saying I should be part of the inner circle and you guys are all keeping me out, and you don’t realize how smart I am.”

She rolls her eyes, the old Jen returning. “Fucking asshole. I wish he’d tried that shit when I wasn’t drugged up. I’d have told him where to get off. Treating me like some kind of loser wannabe.”

Jen isn’t a “loser wannabe.” And yet … Well, there’s always been a hint of that. She’s not sitting on the outside, looking in forlornly, but she has resented her status, responding by grabbing the mantle of “outsider” and wearing it proudly, making herself difficult and unlikable. You can’t be accused of wanting to join the cool kids if you’ve given them every reason for excluding you. That makes it a choice.

Yes, in her right mind, Jen would have told Conrad where to stuff his flattery and insinuations. When she’d been drugged, though, his seeds found fertile soil.

“How did you know about Will?” I ask.

She rolls her shoulders in obvious discomfort. “I was listening in once when Val was talking to the council. I’d … kinda snuck into her chalet.”

“You broke in.”

“I was out of shampoo, and I knew she got special stuff, and I wanted to try it.”

I’m not going anywhere with that. It makes sense, though. Val was Phil’s predecessor. She must have known about Anders and been discussing him with the council.

Jen continues, “If I’d found out Will was stealing booze, I’d have used that for all it was worth. But this?” She shakes her head as she moves aside a branch. “This was offside, you know? Out of bounds.”

“Not to Conrad,” I murmur.

“Fucking asshole. Can we tattoo that on his forehead?”

I follow Storm a few more steps. Then I say, “Are we sure Conrad obtained it from you?”

“Yeah. What he wrote is what I remember of Val’s conversation. Will shot and killed a commanding officer during a mental breakdown.”

We continue on. I’m ready to let this lapse for now. I don’t want Conrad and his informant overhearing us. But after a few steps, she continues, in a voice soft enough for only me to hear.

“You’re going to ask why I didn’t come forward,” she says. “I panicked. I didn’t think you’d buy that I forgot what I’d told Conrad until I saw the sign. You might not even believe I’d been doped up. I spent the next day trying to decide what to do. I hoped Will would deny it, and it’d all go away. But of course he had to do the right thing.”

Twigs crackle in the distance, and I motion for quiet. Then I catch the faint outline of a distant caribou making its way along a game trail. We resume walking, and Jen continues speaking.

“When I heard Marissa was attacked—and Conrad was the main suspect—I headed to the station to confess. Then someone said Marissa hopped sides. That she was leading the charge to get Will kicked out while defending the guy who attacked her. I decided she wasn’t nearly as smart as I thought, and so fuck her. I wasn’t putting my neck on the line. But later I realized that if I confessed, I might lose any shot at an extension. If you tracked me down, though, I’d definitely lose it. I needed to tell the truth.”

“Which also could prevent more people from being hurt, as well as being the right thing to do.”

“Yeah, yeah. So does my confession help your case?”

“It does.”

It also means that this has nothing to do with the council. It’s a personal vendetta, unleashed by a guy who thinks the world owes him special treatment. When the world doesn’t deliver, he set his mind on revenge. Because ruining a guy’s life is fair payback for whatever tiny role he might have played in keeping you from a temporary job placement.

Fucking asshole indeed.

As for the lack of a council connection, maybe I should be disappointed, but this resolution to the mystery will be easier. I don’t need to worry that the council will insist on exiling Anders. Nor do I need to worry that I’ll be next on the hit list.

I look over at Jen. “Is there any chance you divulged more than Will’s story?”

She hesitates.

“Jen…”

“I had some dirt on Diana, okay? I know you came here to help her out and she double-crossed you. I remember starting to tell Conrad that. He didn’t even hear me out. Said it wasn’t the sort of stuff he wanted, and how the hell did it help his cause to prove you were a nice person who got stiffed helping a friend? Personally, I think it shows you’re too nice. Gullible, even. And a shitty judge of character.”